Contrary to popular belief, homeschoolers do socialize. Quite well in fact. But every once in awhile you find yourself in a situation that is very reminiscent of grade school bullying. Yes, even homeschoolers must face bullying.
And so it was that the kiddo found himself in a situation where an older boy was physically aggressive towards him and his friend on the playground. Yes, I said playground. We go to playgrounds too you know....but I digress. The kiddo made friends with this boy and for several weeks, they all played happily together.
But then one Monday, the kiddo told me what had happened. "He just kept pushing me to the ground Mom and last time I hit my head. I told him to stop but he wasn't listening."
We went over appropriate responses with the kiddo. Tell the boy firmly to stop and walk away and come find me if he didn't. Heck- I even reached out to this boy's parents in an effort to stop this bullying in its tracks. Well- I'm sure you can all guess that this boy didn't stop. In fact, he did the very opposite of stop.
And so- I gave my child permission to defend himself.
Normally I don't advocate violence. But when you are in a situation where another person is harming you and not respecting your personal space, it is absolutely OK for you to stop them by any means necessary. There is never a situation in which you should allow yourself to be the victim. Never. Yes, this goes for our children as well.
Now- the kiddo has been taking Karate for several years and he's been working with his Dad on Jujitsu. He knows how to defend himself. He knows to only use his Karate for good- because, well...that's what the Sensei has them repeat at the end of every class. The kiddo does not misuse his Karate.
And so it was that the following week, this boy was again hurting my child. He asked him to stop. He tried to walk away and when that didn't work- he punched this boy in the stomach. Hard.
My child stood up for himself and for his friend. He tried all non-violent means of resolution and when that didn't work, he defended himself. For this, I am very proud of him.
"Mom, I did it. I can stop someone from hurting me and my friends. I wasn't sure if I could, but now I know I can."
Lessons come in all packages.
This one taught the kiddo how important it is to respect other people. How to use your voice to seek resolution, to have faith in himself and how to effectively deal with a bully. Since that day, this boy has not been a problem. Perhaps it's because a child half his size knocked him down a peg or two. Or perhaps it's because he finally understood that it hurts when someone hits you. Who knows really...but what I do know is that my child learned some valuable lessons that day, lessons that he won't soon forget.
*********************************************************************************
After some feedback on this post- I am editing it to add the following.
We pursued all avenues of non-violent resolution prior to giving the kiddo permission to defend himself. We reached out to the parents of the bully and I spoke with the bully myself but no changes were made. In addition, we avoided this playground, hoping that this issue would simply "die down" and go away- it did not.
Our exact instructions for the kiddo were to "walk away and find an adult but if that wasn't possible- you have the right to defend yourself". I stand behind this 100%.
Do I want my child to get hurt? Of course not.
Am I happy that it had to come to this? No.
Would I handle it exactly the same way? Yes.
It is important to empower your children with a voice. It is important to teach them that there are proper channels that must be followed and that immediately resorting to violence is not the answer. But above all, it is important that they understand that they have the right to defend themselves against those that seek to do them harm, no matter who that person may be.
No comments:
Post a Comment