Let me first begin by saying that my husband and I have a very traditional marriage. It didn't start out this way 13 years ago when we first started dating. We certainly didn't have a big huge discussion on marriage, our roles, expectations etc. In fact, looking back- we were pretty naive about the whole thing.
Over the course of our relationship, we have naturally settled into the roles that fit us best and work the most for our marriage. And surprise! They just happen to be very traditional roles. Not many of them left these days and it's certainly not a very popular choice among my own generation. So what exactly does our traditional marriage look like? Well, I like to think it's very reminiscent of Grandma & Grandpa's marriage circa 1950 with a little bit of modern times thrown in!
To put it simply- I am responsible for everything inside the house and my husband is responsible for everything outside the house. But it's not just about the division of labor- because to be honest, I could care less if he washes the dishes or I take the car in for an oil change. Which BTW- I have never in my entire life taken a car in for an oil change, so I don't expect that to change any time soon. But back to the topic at hand....it's not really about who does what. It's more about how we view ourselves in our marriage that would classify our marriage as traditional. I'll explain...
I am the keeper of the home. I am my husband's help mate and I am the foundation for our family. Basically, I'm the glue that holds this ship together. I begin each day with one simple question- "what can I do to make your life better today?" By doing for others, I do for myself. I am happiest when I am with my boys and I truly enjoy being a Wife and Mother. Hmm...if this doesn't scream June Cleaver, I don't know what will!
My husband views his role in our marriage as protector. He is the provider and the protector for our family. Everything he does comes from this desire to financially provide for us and to protect us from harm. I know that when I am with my husband, I am always safe and I am always loved.
I have noticed that more people, especially from my generation, are abandoning the traditional roles of marriage. Most times it's out of necessity- you just can't afford for the wife to stay at home like you could 50 years ago, I get it. However, many times its because this is what they desire. Society has changed the face of marriage and somehow made the traditional marriage less acceptable. A true housewife is a thing of the past. Which is sad really- there was some sort of beautiful fantasy involved in the whole 1950's housewife. If you like that sort of thing I suppose...but there were also some very real benefits to the lifestyle. Such as:
- Less stress. My husband goes out and works, earns the money while I take care of the home. No one person is attempting to do it all. This causes you to become overwhelmed and burdened with the day to day responsibilities. This way, my husband can leave each day knowing that he will return to clean underwear, a home cooked meal, and a hopefully fairly clean house. In turn, I do not feel the pressure to "do it all" and be some sort of Superwoman. Too much work, I'll pass.
- More time. There is simply more time to accomplish more things in any given day. Sure, I have a LOT on my plate right now. I work part time, I homeschool, I run a household, I raise a child- blah, blah, blah....you get it, I'm busy. But I'm not so busy that I become overwhelmed. I have the time to provide a home cooked breakfast for my husband before he leaves for work. I have the time to make his lunch every morning. I have the time to clean the house and wash the clothes-well, most days that is. Most importantly- I am not rushed and everything that needs to get done, gets done. I am also free to give the best of myself to my family simply because I have the time to devote to them.
- Respect. I respect and admire how hard my husband works to provide for his family. My husband respects and likes the man that he is, his work gives him purpose- many times men are defined by their work. As I sit here typing this blog post, he's just come off a 70 hour work week and has already put in 10 hours today with several more hours to go and will be back up and out the door at 5AM tomorrow morning. Whew- now that's a hardworking man! In turn, my husband respects me for how hard I work to ensure our family is well taken care of. And ladies- let's not forget how sexy a little hard work & respect can make a man!
- The kids are taken care of. There is no childcare shuffle. I am home all day, every day. I am the one raising my son with the morals and beliefs set forth by myself and my husband. I do not have to worry about where my child is, what he's doing, if he's happy, well fed, etc because I am providing all of that. In turn, my husband is free to go about his work day knowing that our child is safe and secure.
- It's cheaper & you save money. I never used coupons before becoming a stay at home wife & mother. I never sewed a button or patched a hole in jeans- I just threw them away. I also relied heavily on processed foods as they were much faster and easier to prepare. However they are also more expensive to buy, so by simply making homemade foods, I ensure we aren't eating boxed crap and I save us money. WooHoo! We also don't pay for childcare. I don't have work clothes to buy, lunches out, espresso's on the way in to work, gas for a super long commute, etc- all of which was part of our finances prior to me staying home. In fact, we share one car now because we don't need two! Ka-ching! And let's not forget the pesky IRS. The more you earn, the more they take!
- We are happier as a couple. This is perhaps THE biggest reason why I feel a traditional marriage is best. My husband is happier because I take as much stress out of his life as possible. His needs and desires are met. I am happier because I get to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a Wife and Mother. I am not burdened down with work stress and can focus entirely on my family. We have more time to enjoy each other and spend time together as a family and as a couple.
In general- our home runs the way we want it to run. I do more of the things that are thought of as traditionally female and my husband does those that are traditionally male. One could not function without the other, so we are very much a team. Could my husband make dinner and do the dishes? Well, yes- I suppose he could. Does he want to? Well, no more then I want to mow the lawn and fix the brakes on our SUV. So why go against who you are in order to fit into the modern mold of marriage? Embrace who you are and be happy in your marriage!
*Check out the next post in this marriage series discussing the NOT so popular rules we follow in our marriage.
I come from Ghana where women have always worked in the fields, processing agricultural produce, marketing, trading, baking, sewing, whatever. Everyone in the house is involved in one kind of economic activity or other, including children who help out before and after school. The idea of a stay-at-home-never-works wife was introduced in the 19th century when Christian missionaries came in with the Victorian ideal. But women continued to raise income to support the family with small businesses from home because the concept of a good wife includes someone who works with her hands to support her husband and helps out with some expenses like clothing, household goods, food items like vegetables and spices, like the woman of Proverbs 31. We have a proverb that says, loosely translated, "A man is not a pillow that a woman sleeps on." Just throwing in some thoughts from another culture.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by- I always love to hear about the roles women play in other cultures. So interesting, thanks for sharing!
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