People suck. Friendships are HARD. Women friendships are complicated. Mommy friendships even worse. And I repeat- people suck.
Gah, sometimes I can be such a cynic but if I've learned anything in my 34 years it is this truth. How very sad mmkay...
Now that I've had a bit of time to process "the event" that led me to write the original post, I wanted to give you all my thoughts. They are still a bit messy and scattered but I suppose that's just me. And since this original post resonated so clearly with so many of you- I figured an update was in order!
First, while I did receive an apology, I do not consider it one. I know...I know...but listen y'all- there's a right way and a wrong way to apologize. MOST definitely. So when you are experiencing some strife in any of your relationships, I hope you'll keep this in mind. A really terrible and insincere apology can actually make things worse. I've apologized SO MANY TIMES and have even explained to the kiddo the "right" way to offer one. We've also discussed that you shouldn't personally offer an apology unless you are actually feeling apologetic and remorseful. Basically, DON'T apologize unless you mean it! Because y'all- people can tell when your apology is fake and lacking sincerity. Trust me on this one.
Below is simply an example of how we feel an apology should go. Don't freak out now, it's simply an example. But I hope you'll keep in mind that an apology should really come from the heart. It doesn't need to be perfect but it does need to be real and true.
I am so sorry. I apologize for my actions, for what I said and did that may have upset you. Please know that I will do my very best to not do those things again. I am sorry for hurting you. I value our relationship and would like to continue being friends, can you forgive me?
Step #1- Say the magic words, I'm sorry.
Step #2- Acknowledge what you did/said that caused upset to the other person. Do NOT place blame on them. Your apology is about you and your actions.
Step #3- Learn from your mistakes.
Step #4- Show you value and respect the other person.
Step #5- Ask for forgiveness. Understand it might not be given.
Would you believe there's people walking this earth who don't know how to properly apologize? You best believe I'm teaching my child the importance of apologies, forgiveness and grace.
The second issue I'm currently dealing with is my own anger at the situation. Now that the shock and hurt has faded, I am knee deep in the PISSED OFF MAMA mode. I am beyond angry that someone I thought was my "Mom Friend" would think so poorly of my child when her own are far from perfect. Far. From. Perfect.
I am also pretty angry at myself. I never saw this coming. I am angry for trusting these people with my child. Hurt me, hurt the husband- ugh, fine. You suck. Hurt my child? Unacceptable. It is extremely hard to process this anger when you feel as if you are the one to blame for placing trust in the wrong people.
Finally, this entire situation has forced us to work even harder on our friendships. I want and deserve to have good and loyal friends. I give nothing but my best to any relationship be it work, marriage, family, motherhood and yes, friendship. I am not even close to perfect but that's just the very best part of any relationship- being yourself and being valued for who you are.
In addition, I have encouraged the kiddo to reach out to more friends in his homeschool classes and we've even had a few playdates and birthday parties. We've also discussed a few of his "less than desirable" friendships and talked about how to improve upon them and how he can personally be a better friend. The thing is, we don't just know how to be a good friend, we have to learn how to do this. I want my child to value his friendships and understand when he is not getting the same loyalty and respect in return.
Friendships, relationships- they are hard. Like, HARD hard. But here's the thing, if they are worth anything at all, then you put your seat belt on and ride over the bumps together. If not, you bail before you hit the storm. Some people are RIDE or DIE and some are dead weight- you've just got to learn for yourself which is which.
And for all that's holy- when someone shows you their true colors, BELIEVE THEM.
Good luck y'all. I wish you wonderful, blessed relationships and the strength to move on from those causing you upset. And when you find your people. treat them well for their worth and value is beyond measure.
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