Marriage- The Good Wife's Guide

So what exactly is the Good Wife's Guide to Marriage?  Well it all started with this thing I found on Pinterest.  Oh Pinterest- how you do get me into so much trouble sometimes!  However, this guide, published by Housekeeping Monthly in May 1955 was very inspiring to me so I decided to pursue it further.  And I must admit to a mini-obsession with the 1950's housewife as a result.  I know it's pretty hard to read, sorry about that! But not to worry- I will touch upon the important parts!  So let's dive right in, shall we?

The first couple paragraphs discuss making yourself and your home ready for your husband's arrival at the end of the workday.  Now, I know this may seem silly but I can tell you that it works.  I do my very best to have the house picked up and dinner started (notice I didn't say "done"-what am I, Martha freaking Stewart?) by the time my husband gets home.  Now- for me, this can be especially tricky because I never know when my husband will get home.  Some days it's 6pm, some days it's 8pm or 11:30pm- yesterday it was 1:30 in the afternoon! Gah! Doesn't he know I'm trying to be a good wife here?  Clearly not!  So as a result, I shoot for eating dinner at 6pm and if the husband isn't home by then, I just make him a plate for later.  Done and Done.

There is also discussion of being happy & gay and making yourself look good for his arrival.  Ladies- I'm not expecting a miracle here.  You've been in the trenches all day long.  Dirty diapers, piles of laundry to fold, floors to wash etc.  However, I will say that it might be nice for your husband to arrive home and see a smiling face.  Even if that smiling face has on a stained t-shirt and your hair is in a bun, reminiscent of the look I rocked all day yesterday.  That's right, I'm sexy and I know it.

However, the general idea here is that no one wants to work all day long and then come home to a grouch.  Am I right?  So save the complaining for later and just give him a hug and a kiss and tell him you missed him.  And while you're at it, tell him how much you love him too!  This is something I strive to do every single day.  I watched my parents do it every day and they've been married for almost 40 years- so something must be working here!

The other main parts of this guide are about serving your husband.  Whoa! Did she just say "serving" her husband?  Wait just a minute- I'm no one's servant!  Hmm...did that thought just cross your mind?  Well, let me just point out that if you're a Mom- you are a servant.  Relax- it's just a word.  A servant can truly be a wonderful thing.  Imagine, doing for others out of the goodness of your heart.  Helping those who can't help themselves.  Doing kind acts because you care enough to show others how much you love them.  See- nothing wrong with those things, right?  So forget the word "servant"- but focus on the true underlining meaning behind what it is.

You love your husband, right?  You want to show your husband how much you love him, right?  So do nice things for him.  Don't expect anything in return.  Love is given freely and without expectations.  For me, I show my husband I care by waking him up every day for work.  I pack him a lunch and make him a hot breakfast.  I also make sure he takes all his vitamins.  When grocery shopping, I always make sure to have plenty of his favorite things in the house.  I pick up his prescriptions and I make all his doctor's appointments.  I cut my husband's hair and I wash all his clothes.  I do these things because I love him and I want to serve him.  I encourage you to try it- you may be surprised at the positive outcome it has on your marriage.

Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned from the Good Wife's Guide- is to listen to your husband.  Listen without speaking.  The guide says to "listen and let him talk first because his topics are more important then yours".  Ok- while I don't agree that his are more important then mine- I do believe they are equally important.  I try every day to look him in the eyes and listen to what he is saying.  Pay attention!  NO Candy Crush, NO Facebook, NO tv- just listening.  We all need someone to vent to, to talk to and someone who will listen.  And the reality is- if you're husband isn't getting what he needs at home, he will look elsewhere.

Yikes!  I realize that's a harsh statement.  But I can say that if you are not meeting your husbands needs, either emotionally or physically, he will most likely begin to look elsewhere.  You simply must make him and your marriage a priority in your life.  I know this is hard- especially if you have kids, but you will be much happier in the long run.  An easy way for me to make my husband a priority is to simply ask myself each day "what can I do for my husband today?"  Some days I bake him his favorite pumpkin bread.  Other days I might attempt to let him sleep in late- hard to do with 2 barking dogs and a active boy running around, but I try.  Perhaps we go to a movie just the two of us or I pick up his favorite takeout for a surprise dinner.  And let's face it, many days it's just making sure he has clean underwear to wear to work.  But the goal is to try every day to do something loving and kind for your husband.

So to recap- 

• Greet your husband with a hug & kiss, I also suggest doing this when he leaves for the day too
• Tidy up the house & yourself as best you can before he arrives home
• Try and have dinner ready or at least started- the way to a man's heart is through his stomach after all!
• Don't be a grouch & show him you're happy to see him
• Do nice things for your husband
• Love him freely and without conditions or expectations
• Listen to your husband
• Make him your priority and put his needs before your own

See, it's not so bad!  I realize some things in this guide are VERY outdated.  How about that last line "a good wife always knows her place".  Ha! I know my place and it's right beside my husband.  Not behind him, BESIDE him because we are equals in our marriage.  You also won't find me taking off my husband's shoes, fluffing his pillows or speaking to him in low & soothing tones.  PUH-LEEZE! He's not a child and frankly that would probably be a bit emasculating not to mention a ridiculous waste of my time.  But I do think that many of the points discussed have merits.  See my recap above!  It's really very easy to adapt this 1955 guide to fit a much more modern time- just take what you think will be valuable to your own marriage and apply it.  Easy as that!