If You Don't Teach Them, Someone Else Will

One afternoon we were all driving home from the kiddo's soccer game and we started talking about drugs.  Hardcore things, like meth, peer pressure and addiction.  To clarify, yes- my child is nine years old, almost ten.

Now, at this point, you may be thinking that we as parents have lost our minds.  I get it.  Really, I do.  Drugs are a hot topic.  Just like sex and bullying.  But that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about them with our children, it simply means we need to be careful in what we say.

We've been talking honestly with the kiddo for years now about drugs and alcohol.  He's seen some programs and documentaries that show exactly what happens to people who suffer addiction.  He knows words like meth and marijuana and because we live in Washington State where it's now legal to smoke pot in public, he's also smelled it.  He's seen Daddy have a few beers with friends and he knows that Mommy likes to have a vodka sometimes on the weekends.  We do not hide this part of life from him but rather choose to model good choices and responsibility.

So that afternoon, while driving home, we talked about drugs and alcohol abuse.  Again.  The kiddo was asking specifically how old he had to be in order to be allowed to drink.  

Me- You need to be 21.  But just because you're old enough doesn't mean you're ready.

"What do you mean Mom?"

Me- Well, drinking is a big responsibility.  You need to be able to learn when and where to drink, how to do so responsibly, how to be safe and to recognize when you are in a bad situation.

"So like- if all my friends are getting drunk, I should probably not drink.  That way I can help them and make sure they don't get stupid."

Me- Yes, that's one thing.  But you also need to be very careful because addiction runs in our family.  Just like cancer or other diseases, addiction is a disease.

Husband- It's a slippery slope kiddo.  Your mind might say that you don't want to drink or do drugs but many times, your body says something different.  At that point, you don't have a whole lot of control over your choices and sometimes all it takes is one time for you to get yourself in some serious trouble.

"I know Dad.  People don't always have a choice because their bodies become addicted."

Husband- Exactly.  And because of this, you need to understand that there are simply some things in life that we stay away from and don't mess with.

So yes- we talk about drugs, alcohol and addiction.  We do not shy away from the difficult subjects but see them as an opportunity to guide our child, to show him the right path to follow.  As parents, you don't always get to pick and choose what you want to teach your child because the reality is- if you don't teach them, someone else will.  And then where will you be?

I encourage all of you to get in there and talk about the difficult subjects.   Here's a few key points to help you along the way.

• Be fact based.  Use the real words for things and don't make up silly nicknames or use generic terms like "that" or "it".
• Seek out opportunities to discuss these topics.  Your kids will be naturally curious so instead of saying "we'll talk about it later" just go ahead and address it head on.
• Stay casual and be open.  Don't make a huge deal of out it because if you do, chances are they won't want to talk with you again.
• Keep it age appropriate.  Just because your kid has specific questions doesn't mean they are ready to hear it all.  Leave it at a level they can understand and as they get older, you can continue to increase the amount of knowledge you give them about delicate subjects.
• Don't be embarrassed.  If you're nervous or uncomfortable, they will be too.
• Be safety minded.  Many of these difficult topics are huge safety issues.  Teen pregnancy, overdoses, gun safety anyone?  Teach them how to be safe and responsible.

Best of luck to you parents, you can do this!

Click here to read about the day I talked to the kiddo about suicide.