Family Is What You Make It

This last weekend we had a long overdue conversation with the kiddo about some family issues.  Gah.  I seriously hate talking about this stuff sometimes.  We had put this particular convo off for several years and unfortunately by not speaking clearly with him about it- we were just adding to his confusion.  So when the kiddo received a Christmas gift from someone who is no longer a part of our family, we knew that we had to address this issue.

I won't go into details here because, well....some things are private.  And because I'm pretty sure these people are reading this blog in addition to stalking the Facebook page and I simply wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction.  Ah yes- good times.

But I will say, that what we decide to do has and always will be with our child's best interests in mind.  We feel that certain people are unstable.  We've seen the proof of this time and time again.  We've endured lies and anger.  We've dealt with bitterness and games.  But we are adults.  Our child is not.  And there will never be a moment when we will allow this crap to leak its way into our child's life.  So if that means that certain people are no longer a part of our family, while it's sad, that's simply the way it has to be.

We took some time to really talk about the concept of family.  What should a family be?  How should they behave?  What makes up a family?

The answer- there is no perfect ideal of what a family looks like.  Sometimes it's made up of lifelong friends and sometimes you have 6 Grandma's and no Grandpa's.  Family is goodness and love.  It is NOT anger, lies and manipulation.  Many people in your family will not be related to you by blood and many times, those that are technically your blood, are truly not your family at all.  A very hard concept indeed.

Family is what you make it.  The people who are in your life because they deserve to be there.

We discussed that sometimes it's necessary to guard your children (as we've been doing with the kiddo) against those who seek to do harm.  Inflict harm on an innocent child?  I know right?  It's disgusting.  Many times you must also protect your marriage from the individuals who wish to see it destroyed.  I just can't even fathom who would be crazy enough to think they have the power to break up a happy marriage.  But alas- there are some who do.  As if leaving someones name off on the Christmas card will do the trick, right?  Sorry folks, it's not as easy as wishing them away, they aren't going anywhere and it's simply a childish game that says more about the kind of person you are and why you are no longer a part of their family.  Family shouldn't talk behind your back.  Family shouldn't judge you.  Family should never cause you physical harm.  Family should apologize and forgive.  Family should follow through on promises.  At the end of the day, it's OK to let go of this negativity so that you can let in your true family.  The only people who should be a part of your life are those that have earned the right to be there.  So if the aren't here- its probably because they don't deserve to be.

I won't lie- this has been a very difficult lesson for us and it's been very hard to talk to the kiddo about.  It is heartbreaking when people you once loved seek to hurt you.  Even more so when they play games and lay guilt trips on you.  Ah yes- welcome to the land of lies and manipulation in the name of "love".  Yeah- no thanks.  We pass.  If you've ever experienced something like this, you know how truly devastating it can be.  It's hard you guys.

So yeah- we finally talked about it.  It was heavy and it was good.  It was time.  And it was right.

Family is what you make it and we have a pretty awesome family.