Marriage- The UNpopular guidelines we follow

Recently my marriage has been under attack.  Can you believe it!?!  There's people out there who are SO upset with the way MY marriage works that they are compelled to bring it to my attention.  Ha!  Too bad I could give a shit.  I'm in a committed loving relationship and we will be celebrating 10 years of married life this November.  Clearly, we are doing something right.

So what exactly are we doing??  To be honest, I don't think we *do* anything out of the ordinary or differently than anyone else.  But in preparing for this post- I suppose that we do.  It became clear to me that our traditional marriage also has some very old fashioned values.  We never sat down at the beginning of our marriage and wrote out a big long list of rules.  Ha!  That's absurd.  What has happened though is that we have naturally developed guidelines for our marriage along the way.  Issues have come up and we've agreed on a compromise and moved forward.  Seems easy enough, right?

Now- I fully acknowledge that many of these guidelines may be extreme for some of you.  They have certainly been less then popular among some who know us.  You may feel they set women back 50 years and your inner feminist may beat at the door to come out.  I get it.  This is certainly not the path for everyone but it's my path and it's my marriage.  So take a hike!  Ok, not really- stay and read more about our guidelines.  Maybe you'll find something useful here?  Maybe not.  But I'm pretty sure you're curious- so read on!

What We Do:

• We guard our marriage from outside influences.  We keep ourselves free of distractions and temptations.  Simply put- you will NOT find me clubbing with the girls on a Saturday night sans hubby.  And you will NOT find my husband out with the guys at a strip club.  Mainly because we both have no desire to be in those horrid places (that's what your 20s are for!) and because we value our marriage above all else.  We keep ourselves away from places or people that could cause harm.
• We do NOT have friends of the opposite sex.  This is a biggie.  We just don't do it and it works well for us.  We believe this opens the door for misunderstandings and lets other's know that we are available.  Emotionally, physically- whatever- we let others know that we are not available.  As I said before, we guard our marriage against outside influences and by not having friends of the opposite sex- this is the easiest way we accomplish this.  And frankly- I just don't have time for any man but my husband!  Now sure- we can have couple friends.  But we do not ever hang out with someone from the opposite sex without our spouse.  We just don't. 
• We keep ourselves drama free.  Now- there are some folks out there who thrive on drama, much of it is self-created, I'm sure.  People like to gossip, rumors fly, hurtful words are said- you get the point.  If we meet someone (or know someone) who likes to engage in this type of behavior, we simply cut them off.  We do not give them access to our life and allow their hatefulness & issues to spread into our marriage.  Simply put, their problems are not our problems.  Good riddance.
• We keep each other informed on our whereabouts.  I like to know what my husband is up to all day because I miss him.  Not because I'm distrustful of him.  And he likes to know where I'm going to make sure I will be safe.  We spend as much time together as possible because we genuinely enjoy each other's company.  And since my husband works so many long hours, we stay in touch via text messages & phone calls throughout the day.  Contrary to some recent opinions (you know who you are!) we don't do this because we don't trust each other, we do this because we LOVE each other.  I miss my husband and sometimes the longest conversation I get to have with him is a quick "how's work going?" text.  This is also done as a courtesy to one another.  Many times I will be heading to the grocery store and will call and ask if there's anything special he wants.  Or maybe if I know he's going to be home soon and I have to take our son to the doctor- I will send him a text and let him know I will be gone when he gets home.  This way he doesn't worry. 
• We keep an open door policy.  I have all his passwords, not that I can remember them and he has mine.  There is nothing he is not allowed to see- my phone, my text messages, my emails, facebook and vice versa.  Simply put, I have nothing to hide and nothing to prove because I am not behaving in an "unwifely way".  Until recently we shared an email address for goodness sakes!  We are always looking at each other's facebook accounts, or he's showing me a funny email someone sent him or a dirty joke via text- it's just the way we've always operated.  With this, we don't have any secrets.  We tell each other everything.  Seriously- everything.  He is my best friend and I am his- there is nothing we don't share with one another.  Nothing is off limits.
• We do our very best to listen to one another and we are learning, always learning- how to properly communicate with each other.  We are very different people my husband and I- we literally have nothing in common.  So for us, it takes effort to reach a middle ground.  We argue and we may not always agree.  However, we have learned how to argue with purpose and how to communicate respectfully.  But dare I say- this is why our marriage works so well.  At least we will never get bored!!  And if we cannot reach a compromise- my husband always has the final say.  Yep, you heard it right. I always let him win.  I may not be happy about it, I may not agree- but he is the Man of our house and if we can't agree, it always comes down to his way.
• We embrace our gender roles.  I am happiest cooking, baking and reading.  I like getting dressed up and take great pride in my feminine appearance, to which I think my husband likes too!  In fact, I'm pretty sure he approves.  My husband enjoys guns and fishing and is great at working with his hands.  Sorry ladies, but there's nothing sexier then a man who is good with his hands!  Ahem! Sorry, I got sidetracked....the point is, we embrace who we are as individuals.  I am very much the woman in our marriage and my husband is the man, we love it this way!  We firmly believe that a woman's place is at home.  She is after all, the heart of her family.  And a man's job is to provide and protect his home and his family.  Wow- how very sexist of us! Clearly, we are not afraid to be ourselves and our marriage works better because of it.

So as you can see- these are some unusual guidelines for marriage in modern times.  Clearly not the norm we are used to witnessing.  I fully admit that my marriage is NOT perfect.  But my marriage does make me happy, it does bring me fulfillment and it does work for myself and my husband.  What more could you want?

*Up next in this marriage series-  The Good Wife's Guide to her Husband and Home.  OOHH- that's sure to be exciting!