Let me back up just a minute and offer some explanation as to why this horribly misguided phrase used to come out of my mouth.
My husband works a lot. As in, a shit ton. One would think he's a doctor with the amount of time he spends away from home. And when he's not working, he's usually at his Dad's taking care of him. My husband's time is stretched, to the limits! It is not uncommon for him to leave the house at 6am and return home close to midnight. During the summer, when his work load actually increases, we've gone days without seeing him. Days!
As you can imagine, this is difficult. Most days, the day to day care of our son falls to me. I want to be clear here and say that I am in no way complaining. This works for us and is just another reason why homeschooling fits our lifestyle so well. However, it can be a big balancing act. I'm battling an overworked husband, a child who wants to spend time with his Daddy and me- a wife who misses her husband.
So yes- when some people have asked me how I manage my husband working so much- sometimes I will reply with, "I feel like a single Mom" or "this must be what being a single Mom feels like". Ugh. I'm sorry single parents, clearly I have no idea what it really feels like.
This weekend, I got a small taste (just a VERY small amount!) of what it would mean to actually be a single Mom. And it was WAY different that what my reality is most days. With a husband who was gone, not just at work but two states away- I was truly all alone. And yes, while it was just 5 days, it was still enough for me to realize that I had no idea what it really means to be a single parent.
I am very fortunate to have my husband. He is a strong and steady force in our family. Sure, he's not able to be with us as often as we all would like but at the end of the day, his strong arms hold me and his warm body rests beside me in bed. This is far more precious then I ever realized.
My husband is my best friend and I am his. Being without this is devastating.
I found myself having a difficult time eating, I couldn't focus on my job, I didn't really want to sit and do math with the kiddo and at the end of the day, I couldn't curl up with him and watch TV before bed like we always do. A strong and overwhelming sadness hung in the air. And when he would call me at the end of the day, it was clear that he was just as miserable as I was.
I honestly can't imagine being without him. And yes, while I am very used to handling the day to day that consumes all busy parents, I was not prepared for what it truly means to be all alone. I didn't like it. And before you get all upset and scream- "I'm Not Alone!" please know that I'm not talking about being without the support of family and friends. I'm talking about not having a partner in life, to be by your side each day, to share the joys and the sadness. This is what I mean when I use the word, alone.
So to all the single parents out there- I'm sorry. I really didn't understand and I probably will never fully understand the scope of what you go through. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm dependant on my husband. I need his presence in my life. I can only assume that it's this way for most couples. If that were to be suddenly taken from me, I'm not sure that I would be strong enough to do what you are doing. You are all so amazing and honestly- very inspiring. So consider this lesson learned. I will never again compare myself to you. You possess far more courage and strength then I ever could!
You Rock!
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