10 Things You Should Never Say to the Mom with One Child

The kiddo is 9 so for the most part- these comments have died off.  Praise Jesus.  Because I will fully admit that I don't always know how to reply to them and frankly, can't believe some of the things that come out of people's mouths!  Now, I do try and always give folks the benefit of the doubt.  And I like to think these comments are well-intentioned....but really?!?  Just...really?!?

So the next time you see a Mom with one child- please refrain from saying these things.  Please?  Pretty please?

1. Just One?  Oh.  My.  Gawd.  Nothing gets me more fired up then someone asking if I have just one child.  Just?  Gah!  I don't ask if you have just 3 kids or just 8 kids, so why would you ask if I have just one?  
2. But he needs a sibling.  No- I'm pretty sure no one needs a sibling.  This is strictly a matter of want.  The reality is this- sometimes siblings suck.  Seriously suck.  No one needs this in their life- stuck with a crappy sibling.  How about a nice best friend or a close cousin instead?
3. But what if he dies, then you won't have any kids.  Cheese and crackers people!  Do you even think before speaking?  What if all your kids die- then we'll be even.  Sheesh.
4. Lucky you- all that free time.  I'm sorry- what?!?  I'm still a Mom and I still have Mom shit to do, same as you.  Feeding 3 kids doesn't really take any longer then feeding one.  I still drive around to soccer practices, swimming, classes, doctor appointments etc.  
5. Better have another kid before you get any older.  Deep breath.....did you just call me old?!?  Yeah, you probably shouldn't have said that.
6. Everyone needs an heir and a spare.  I'm sorry- are kids tires now?  Pretty sure I don't need a spare kid.  And how insulting that you think of your kids in terms of spares.  Wow....just wow.
7. Doesn't he get lonely?  Well, I'm pretty sure with all the playdates, soccer practices, trips to the YMCA, school etc that my child is anything but lonely.  So try again.
8. He'll grow up to be a spoiled brat.  While it's true that I do spoil the people that I love- spoiling someone doesn't necessarily mean they will grow up and be a spoiled brat.  It's all in how you raise them.  My kid knows how to share, show kindness, express empathy and be a good human being.  Done and done.
9. Don't you wonder what a girl would look like?  Well all the damn time.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to have another kid just so I can compare looks.  I'm pretty sure any children I have would be cute- doesn't mean I'm having more.
10. That's selfish.  Sigh...well I guess it is just a little bit.  But isn't it selfish to keep having kids because you want babies without thinking about how this affects your present kids and spouse.  How many wives get baby fever and the husband just gives in- you know he doesn't want more, yet you do it anyways.  Now that's really selfish.

And you probably shouldn't say this to a Mom
with more then one child!

All Things William

The true star of this show is the kiddo, aka, William.  So today, I'm writing about all things William and I'm giving you just a peek at this funny, smart and amazing little person that my husband and I are privileged to raise.

William was born in 2005 and he turned 9 this year.  Click here to read about his birth story and learn all about the momentous day that he came into our lives.

William is officially entering the 4rd grade this Fall.  He attends Edmond's Heights K-12, it's a homeschooling program through our public school system.  He has been going here since he was 5 years old and yes, we plan for him to attend all the way through his senior year of high school.  In addition to this program, we also do school at home.

The kiddo is currently obsessed with Legos.  He loves ALL things Lego and on our last big vacay, we knew we had to take him to Legoland.  William spends a lot of time constructing Lego sets, attending events at the local Lego store, researching characters online, playing Lego games and watching Lego movies and TV shows.  Yep- it's official, he LOVES Legos.

The VIP (Very Important Puppy) in William's life is his trusty sidekick, Buddy Boy.  Buddy is a 2 year old Rat Terrier that we welcomed to our family when he was just 6 weeks old.  Buddy Boy loves his William- they share a bed, he follows him everywhere, William is Buddy Boy's "person" and he cries when William goes out front to play and he can't follow.  Every boy needs a dog and William is very lucky to have two- Buddy Boy and Lucky Dog.

William with Buddy Boy & Lucky Dog

William is fearless.  Seriously, he has NO fear.  He enjoys climbing trees, doing one-legged jumps on his scooter and riding roller coasters.  His favorite ride at Disneyland is Big Thunder Mountain followed closely by Space Mountain.  When he was three he tried to ride his little kiddie play car down the stairs and parachute off the top of the fridge.  Yeah- he's a bit of a daredevil.

Playing "Knights & Swords" with
Buddy Boy.

William is outspoken.  Much to the chagrin of his grandparents and other's who are used to a more "reserved" child, William speaks his mind.  It's no holds barred and there are seriously NO secrets in our house.  William has always had an amazing vocabulary, he was doing baby sign language at 9 months and speaking in clear sentences by the time he was 18 months old.  As a result, he has always had a way with words and will simply tell it like it is.

William is funny.  He likes to crack jokes and when he starts laughing- I can't help but laugh too.  He likes to dance around the house in his underwear and he is seriously not afraid of how other's view him.  He is simply being himself and it's a pretty wonderful thing to see.

William is strong willed.  He fights for what he thinks is right- even when it means he's arguing with Mom and Dad.  He challenges authority and questions rules.  Yes, he still knows right from wrong- but he is no "sheeple" but rather, a child who thinks for himself.  He's a wonderful mix of stubborn and kind hearted all put into one boy sized package.


Finally- let's end this post with some random, fun facts about William.

• His favorite color is orange.
• Favorite books are the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series.
• He has his Daddy's gorgeous blue eyes.
  
• He's a great swimmer.
• He broke his arm when he was 3 years old.
• He hates tomatoes but puts ketchup on everything.
• William loves soccer and is improving his skills all the time.
• He loves animals.
• William's favorite place is Disneyland & he's been 4 times.
• His favorite foods are meatballs & rice, pizza, mashed potatoes and fruit.
• He is an only child.
• He loves flip flops & usually goes through about 3 pairs each summer.
• He learned to ride a bike without training wheels by the age of 3.
• He didn't eat his first cheeseburger until he was 5.
• He loves to dance.
• William learned to read later in life but now he's ahead of the game.
• He has a very short attention span, seriously- very short.
• He's super smart but does not enjoy a formal/forced learning environment.

So there you have it.  Now you know just a little bit more about the special little man in my life.  And just in case you're wondering why I call him "the kiddo" it's really very simple.  This is what my Dad called me growing up and to this day, he still does.

My Kiddo

Just One Please

We have one child.  Yep, "just" the one.  As if having "just" one child somehow makes me less of a Mother then say, the woman with 8 children tottering after her.  Now most people generally assume that I can physically only have one child.  Somehow the only reason why I would ever choose to have one kid was if my body took that choice away from me.  Well, nope.  Sorry folks but I have one child and that's by choice!

Of course there are many reasons that go into having an only.  Each family has their own story to tell and reasons behind their choices.  Just as families with many children have reasons behind those decisions.  There's no right or wrong here- a family is a family no matter how many people are in it.  And frankly, I don't really care if you have 1 kid, 2 kids, 7 kids or 12 kids.  Your uterus, your decision.  Ha!  That should be a slogan for some sort of pregnancy/anti pregnancy campaign.  But I'm not here to talk politics- blech......

After 8 years of dodging THE big question- you know, "how come you don't want any more kids" question, I like to think I've become a bit of a expert at it.  Of course, sometimes it depends entirely on my mood and if I like you.  Piss me off and I'm likely to respond with a "well we chose to concentrate on quality not quantity when having kids".  Oh my....that's not very nice now is it?  And if I like you and you seem genuine in your questions, I'll give you the real answer.  Which is of course that we chose to have one child because we only wanted one.  If I'm feeling sentimental or a little emotional, I may also tell you that I have always wanted to be a Mother.  My purpose in life was for some little creature to call me "Mom" and that was all I needed.

I didn't grow up thinking I was only going to have "just" one child.  I was like most other fanciful girls daydreaming about the sharp looking husband in his suit and tie (hmm...that didn't happen) and the big dream house with white picket fence (missed the boat here too) and the nice car in the driveway and the obligatory 2.5 kids and golden retreiver barking in the backyard.  Somehow what I ended up with was nothing like my dream.  Or at least what I thought my dream was....Yes, sure I've got a great husband but he sports facial hair and tattoos instead of the sharp dressed man I had envisioned.  I also have a nice "fixer upper" house that we recently bought- thanks to the crappy housing market! And I do have a child and the barking dogs.  To be honest, my reality is SO much better then my dream.

So if my reality is so freakin' awesome- why stop at just one child?  Well, I'll tell you....My husband and I can both go to William's events and not have to divide the duties among kids.  We can have grand birthday celebrations.  Exhibited by the year we took William to Disneyland to celebrate becoming a "whole hand"- that's 5 years old for you non-parents out there.  Up next is DisneyWorld for his 10th birthday.  We can take spontaneous trips because it's so much easier with just one child.  And I have to admit that holidays are pretty fabulous in my house for Mr. William.  There's no backseat yelling and screaming while I'm trying to drive.  No passel of kids to keep track of at the grocery store, less new shoes to buy and not as many trips to the doctor's or dentist's office.  I don't have to buy a minivan to haul around all my kids and their crap and I can actually afford to take my son to the movies.  Seriously- can you believe how expensive a trip to the movies has become! Eek!

And if I'm being totally honest here, I admit that choosing to have only one child is a selfish decision.  I get it.  It's a choice my husband and I made.  And let's just lay it out there- I just don't want to be pregnant again or go through labor.  It sucked.  I also don't want to put my marriage at risk- I'm sure that you know that having children adds HUGE amounts of stress to your marriage.  No thanks- I'll pass.  I want to have quality one-on-one time with my child ALL of the time.  And I don't want to put my family under financial stress because I want to cuddle a new baby.  Ahh- but that sweet baby smell is hard to resist though isn't it!  I don't want to listen to tattle telling, name calling, fighting and screaming.  Ugh- my idea of parental torture!  Plus, I really like my "me time" and I enjoy spending time more time with my husband- all the benefits of having one child.


Perhaps if I were living in my delusional girlhood dream with the rich husband, fancy cars and big mansion- I might have a different view. Yes- sometimes I miss holding a new baby and many times I do imagine what another child would bring to our family.  But those are dreams- just dreams.  We are all happy the way we are right now, as a family of 3.  That's not to say that down the road we wouldn't be equally as happy as a family of 4.  I'm still young(ish) and could probably have another baby if I really wanted to....but why rock the boat?  Why risk my family's happiness now for something we don't truly want?  Why have another child because society thinks you should?  Well and my Mother- pretty sure she thinks I should too!

So there you have it.  We are a happy family of 3 and it's probably going to stay that way.  Unless of course I get knocked up- you never know....