Thursday, August 1, 2013

Just One Please

We have one child.  Yep, "just" the one.  As if having "just" one child somehow makes me less of a Mother then say, the woman with 8 children tottering after her.  Now most people generally assume that I can physically only have one child.  Somehow the only reason why I would ever choose to have one kid was if my body took that choice away from me.  Well, nope.  Sorry folks but I have one child and that's by choice!

Of course there are many reasons that go into having an only.  Each family has their own story to tell and reasons behind their choices.  Just as families with many children have reasons behind those decisions.  There's no right or wrong here- a family is a family no matter how many people are in it.  And frankly, I don't really care if you have 1 kid, 2 kids, 7 kids or 12 kids.  Your uterus, your decision.  Ha!  That should be a slogan for some sort of pregnancy/anti pregnancy campaign.  But I'm not here to talk politics- blech......

After 8 years of dodging THE big question- you know, "how come you don't want any more kids" question, I like to think I've become a bit of a expert at it.  Of course, sometimes it depends entirely on my mood and if I like you.  Piss me off and I'm likely to respond with a "well we chose to concentrate on quality not quantity when having kids".  Oh my....that's not very nice now is it?  And if I like you and you seem genuine in your questions, I'll give you the real answer.  Which is of course that we chose to have one child because we only wanted one.  If I'm feeling sentimental or a little emotional, I may also tell you that I have always wanted to be a Mother.  My purpose in life was for some little creature to call me "Mom" and that was all I needed.

I didn't grow up thinking I was only going to have "just" one child.  I was like most other fanciful girls daydreaming about the sharp looking husband in his suit and tie (hmm...that didn't happen) and the big dream house with white picket fence (missed the boat here too) and the nice car in the driveway and the obligatory 2.5 kids and golden retreiver barking in the backyard.  Somehow what I ended up with was nothing like my dream.  Or at least what I thought my dream was....Yes, sure I've got a great husband but he sports facial hair and tattoos instead of the sharp dressed man I had envisioned.  I also have a nice "fixer upper" house that we recently bought- thanks to the crappy housing market! And I do have a child and the barking dogs.  To be honest, my reality is SO much better then my dream.

So if my reality is so freakin' awesome- why stop at just one child?  Well, I'll tell you....My husband and I can both go to William's events and not have to divide the duties among kids.  We can have grand birthday celebrations.  Exhibited by the year we took William to Disneyland to celebrate becoming a "whole hand"- that's 5 years old for you non-parents out there.  Up next is DisneyWorld for his 10th birthday.  We can take spontaneous trips because it's so much easier with just one child.  And I have to admit that holidays are pretty fabulous in my house for Mr. William.  There's no backseat yelling and screaming while I'm trying to drive.  No passel of kids to keep track of at the grocery store, less new shoes to buy and not as many trips to the doctor's or dentist's office.  I don't have to buy a minivan to haul around all my kids and their crap and I can actually afford to take my son to the movies.  Seriously- can you believe how expensive a trip to the movies has become! Eek!

And if I'm being totally honest here, I admit that choosing to have only one child is a selfish decision.  I get it.  It's a choice my husband and I made.  And let's just lay it out there- I just don't want to be pregnant again or go through labor.  It sucked.  I also don't want to put my marriage at risk- I'm sure that you know that having children adds HUGE amounts of stress to your marriage.  No thanks- I'll pass.  I want to have quality one-on-one time with my child ALL of the time.  And I don't want to put my family under financial stress because I want to cuddle a new baby.  Ahh- but that sweet baby smell is hard to resist though isn't it!  I don't want to listen to tattle telling, name calling, fighting and screaming.  Ugh- my idea of parental torture!  Plus, I really like my "me time" and I enjoy spending time more time with my husband- all the benefits of having one child.

Perhaps if I were living in my delusional girlhood dream with the rich husband, fancy cars and big mansion- I might have a different view. Yes- sometimes I miss holding a new baby and many times I do imagine what another child would bring to our family.  But those are dreams- just dreams.  We are all happy the way we are right now, as a family of 3.  That's not to say that down the road we wouldn't be equally as happy as a family of 4.  I'm still young(ish) and could probably have another baby if I really wanted to....but why rock the boat?  Why risk my family's happiness now for something we don't truly want?  Why have another child because society thinks you should?  Well and my Mother- pretty sure she thinks I should too!

So there you have it.  We are a happy family of 3 and it's probably going to stay that way.  Unless of course I get knocked up- you never know....


  1. I see nothing "odd" or "different" about having only one child. Of course, I'm an only child so perhaps my perspective is different.

    1. I agree Michelle! Nothing odd about it IMO- however I have run across many other parents (especially in the homeschooling world) who think it's a little strange. Most people just assume I can't have more kids which is usually the case for other Mom's of "onlies" that I've met.