We Are a Team

Recently the husband came to me and had some pretty amazing things to say.

"I'm so proud of you Babe.  What you're doing is pretty damn cool and I want to be a part of it.  Tell me how I can help you grow this thing."

He was of course talking about The Homeschooled Housewife.  About this blog, the Facebook page and the message we are seeking to share with all of you.

Up until now, the page has really been my baby.  I desired to share my story, I created it, I thought of the name, I spend hours blogging and posting- me.  Sometimes the husband or kiddo will chime in or I'll ask their permission before I share a certain story or picture but for the most part- it's been all me.

Which when you think about it, is kind of funny because this journey of ours is a family journey.  It's our story as a couple, our story as a family, our path together and yet- it's been my voice telling it.  Now, don't get me wrong- there's nothing wrong with that and I've really enjoyed putting a voice to this story.  But I always felt like something was missing.

So the husband and I sat up on the bed one night for well over two hours and we brainstormed.  We wrote down ideas for growth, we discussed our goals and what we desired to do, we thought of ways to make this page better and to encourage and reach more people.  It was a pretty awesome night and by the end we had reached one pretty BIG conclusion.

Together we desire to encourage other families to consider homeschooling, to be a place of support, to help others remain faithful and loving in their marriage and to support others as they raise children who will be independent thinkers and action takers.

We desire to give a voice to the new generation of homeschoolers and young married couples.  We want to change the face of homeschooling and what it means to grow a family, be young, committed and in love.

Wow.

Just wow.

Like I said, it was an awesome night.  We came up with some lofty goals and crazy ideas but the point is that we did this together.  The husband is officially on board!

So what does that mean for the future of The Homeschooled Housewife?  Well first of all, we will be updating this blog and hopefully turning it into a real website.  Sadly, we are both computer illiterate and so we are currently figuring out how to go about this.  Perhaps if we just waited a year or two I'm sure the kiddo could build us the website!  But in the meantime, we will work on figuring it out together.  We hope to add a section where the husband can share about his journey and give a voice to the strong and silent husbands/fathers out there.  After much feedback from the fans- the recipes will keep coming and perhaps we can convince the kiddo to share a bit of his story with all of you as well.  We will also be posting more about our marriage, our love story and our struggles. But for now- its a work in progress with lots of exciting new changes on the horizon!

I also want to say that I am so very blessed to have this supportive and encouraging man by my side.  In all things, we are a team and there's nothing we can't accomplish when we work together.

Let's Talk Forgiveness

Last night the husband and I were talking about some pretty heavy issues- betrayal, trust and honesty.

We maintain a pretty open relationship and share just about everything, seriously- everything.  As a result, we have a strong foundation of trust to build from.  But what happens when the loss of trust happens outside your marriage?  What happens when a friend betrays you?  Or even your own family?  How do you move forward with people who have behaved so poorly?

See- I told you, some pretty heavy issues.

When people you once loved and trusted hurt you- it's difficult to move forward.  Especially when they never apologize.  Oh yeah....the new trend amongst people nowadays seems to be pretending that everything is fine when clearly it is not.

The husband and I are struggling with this.

When we do wrong, we apologize.  When we hurt each other, we apologize.  When we overstep, we apologize.  When we make incorrect assumptions, we apologize.  When we say hurtful things, we apologize.  When we lie and manipulate, we apologize.  Ok- wait....we don't do that last one, but I know a few who do....

Are you sensing a theme here?

When we commit a wrong, we seek to make it right.

But how in the world can you ever forgive and move forward with people who don't seek the same?  Sadly, the reality is that you can't.  We won't.

Things are not the same.  The trust is gone.  You no longer love like you once did and no amount of bullshit "let's hang out" or fake "so good to see you" comments are going to change that.  Because inside, we can see these people for exactly what they are.  They might be able to fool those around them and perhaps even tricked themselves- the devil can do some amazing things you know.  But when we take a look at someone's heart- at their true self, there's no hiding the evil that lurks inside.  Do these people deserve forgiveness?  Should we allow them back into our hearts when they haven't expressed remorse?  Or are we setting ourselves up to be hurt again?

The Bible says we should forgive.  God is merciful and forgiving, even after all we have done.

But here's the real issue.  Where does it say that we forgive unconditionally and then pretend everything is fine once again?  God would want us to guard ourselves and our family against those who seek to do harm- not give them a free pass to do it all over again.  And as we know, in the Bible, those who've done wrong have repented, expressed remorse, APOLOGIZED and to those people, God says- they will be forgiven.

First you must ask before you can receive.

So yeah- last night was intense as the husband and I had a really great discussion on how to move forward in the face of hurt, betrayal and dishonesty.  I can't tell you that we have all the answers because clearly, we don't.  We struggle with this- more then some will ever know.  But what I can say is that we want to forgive.  We want to seek resolution and move forward with those who've caused such horrific destruction.  However we also acknowledge that some people are worth the effort while some will never change and some things are simply unforgivable.  So for now- we continue to have faith that resolution will come all while playing the "pretend game", the husband is a rock star at the "pretend game".

For those of you struggling with this issue- I have this to say.  Look after your own family and be the gatekeeper of your home.  Allow those who are good and pure to enter your heart and home but tread carefully with those who've hurt you.  Desire resolution, have faith that it will come- someday.  But guard your gate nonetheless.  Your home is sacred ground.  It is where you grow your family and nurture your marriage and only good things should enter through it.

Holiday Hands

Oh My Gawd you guys.

I'm sitting here at my laptop and I'm reading about this awesome project called Holiday Hands and I'm weeping.  Seriously- blowing my nose all over that toilet paper and blubbering in my morning (ok afternoon) coffee.

This.

Is.

So.

Awesome.

And of course I knew that I just had to share with all of you.  The awesomeness that is this awesome thing.  There's a pretty great woman behind this awesomeness (no surprises there!) and she's over on her blog, Momastery.  If you haven't read her stuff, you need to.  Trust me on this one.  So this Mom has put together this project called Holiday Hands.  People in need post what they need and people who want to help, help.

But that seems so simple.

It is, it really is.

But here's why it's the most awesome thing I've come across in awhile.  It's not just about donating money.  Sure, some people need money.  But it's about MORE then money.  For example, here's some of the current "needs" posted on the site; gifts for baby sister who is on her 2nd deployment in Afghanistan, Christmas cards to lonely, recently widowed Grandpa, single Mom needs new shoes for her children, pen pal for depressed 10 year old daughter, letters of support for older woman who just left abusive marriage and on and on it goes.

So yeah.

I just....I can't even....I don't....yeah.  This is awesome.

The project has been closed for the year.  But fear not!  You can still donate to the Together Rising fund which helps to pay for all this awesomeness.  And if you have a NEED and were not able to sign up in time, you can email this amazing woman and her team at contact@togetherrising.org.

It's really that simple.

Here's the link for more information.

********************************************************************************

Update on Holiday Hands-

400 families asked for help and all 400 NEEDS are being met.  Every.  Single.  One.

Now that is awesome.

Dates For Real Couples

Do you ever read those articles full of ideas for date night and you're like, "say what?!?"

I sure do.

As lovely as a spa weekend away or horseback riding in the hills may sound- it just isn't realistic.  Mostly because the husband and I are NOT horse people and we sure as shit don't have money for a fancy weekend away.  Not gonna happen.

So really- what's a normal couple to do on a tight budget?

Ooh....I'm SO glad you asked!  Today I'm going to be sharing with you some fun and creative date ideas.  Some of these activities will cost more then others, while some of them will be totally free.  That's right, FREE!

First of all- let me just begin by saying that you might need to re-think your idea of a date night.  For us, it's not so much about what we do but rather more about spending the time doing it together.  Without the kiddo.  As in, just us.

Secondly- whenever anyone asks what they can get you for a gift, be it Christmas, your birthday, graduation etc- tell them you want a gift card.  Gift cards are a thrifty couple's best friend!  If you have a favorite restaurant, you can request gift cards to this restaurant.  Or how about movie tickets? However, the best gift cards are the generic VISA ones that can be used anywhere.  HELLO date night funding!

Alright, we've covered a few tips, now let's get to the good stuff!  What in the world are you going to do on your dates?

1. Dinner and a Movie.  Well this is a no brainer really, but there's always ways to improve upon this one.  Make it a matinee to save money, go on a weeknight so it's less crowded, find a cheap theater or even try out one of those theaters that serves you dinner right there!  Do a double feature or a restaurant crawl.  A what?  So yeah- start with drinks and appetizers at one restaurant, break it up with a movie, head to another restaurant for dinner or tapas and then end the night with dessert.  Voila- a restaurant crawl!
2. Get Outside!  One of our favorite things to do is simply get outside and enjoy the beauty of nature.  It's quiet, peaceful and free.  The husband loves to fish, so many of our dates usually end up with us at some small lake.  While I hate fishing- many times, I'll take a book and sit by the shore and read.  Or we'll talk while he fishes.  Many times we stop at the drive-thru and have a picnic too.  Talk a walk through the woods, visit a nature preserve, go apple picking, etc.
3. Shopping.  Tell me- what couple hasn't ended up at the grocery store on a date night?  You wouldn't be normal if you didn't.  The temptation of a trip down the aisles sans kiddos is simply to much to resist.  But don't forget you can also go to the mall, Target, Costco, outlet malls....yeah, there's lots of options here.  Round out the fun with dinner and drinks at your favorite restaurant.
4. Seasonal Dates.  This is perhaps my favorite on the list because the holidays are of course my favorite time of year.  We are lucky that there's many great things happening in our area from October to January.  Haunted corn mazes, Zoolights, ballet, theater, festivals- seriously, the best!  But my favorite way to end a date during the Christmas season is my simply grabbing a Starbuck's Gingerbread Latte and driving around looking at all the great Christmas lights.
5. Explore your Hobbies.  The husband is a big gun enthusiast and of course, I love reading and the arts.  Date nights are the perfect time to explore each other's passions.  For example, the husband is teaching me to shoot at a local gun range, he's a former safety instructor so he's a great teacher!  Other times, we'll end up at a book store laughing in the comedy section.  Up next- we hope to try glass blowing.
6. Find Something New.  Perhaps there's a new restaurant you want to try but it's 30 minutes away.  Or maybe you heard about a new upscale furniture store opening up downtown.  Even something as simple as hopping in the car to explore the neighboring town.  Date nights are the perfect time to explore something new and venture into new frontiers!
7. Shop the Groupon and Living Social.  Alright- so sometimes these things are absurd.  Who really wants to learn how to walk a tightrope or participate in a murder mystery theater dinner?  But other times, they can inspire some fun and different date night ideas.  For example, our area is currently offering ghost tours, comedy club tickets and pottery classes and the price is typically half of what you would normally pay!
8. A Quiet Night at Home.  This one is a little tricky and requires all the stars to align in your favor but if you can pull it off- it's amazing.  Put the kids to bed early, turn off all the electronics and unplug from the real world.  Take a bath together, sit in bed and eat ice cream and talk, couples massages- seriously, just take a night off and focus on relaxing together.  
9. A Night to Yourselves.  This one falls right in line with #8 but it's even better!  Ship your kids off to various locations (hello sleepovers!) or call in reinforcements in the form of grandparents.  Then you are free to explore all the beauties of #8 without the fear of the precious little kiddos interrupting.  This one works best for the couples that need a weekend away but can't afford a weekend away.
10. Volunteer.  We are currently exploring more volunteer opportunities together as a couple.  This year, we will be sponsoring a family for Christmas, filling stockings for homeless youth and shopping for Toys for Tots.  I hope to be able to add more things to this list like serving a meal to the homeless and helping out at a food bank.  Think of all the great things you could do together to give back to those in need.  Treat yourself to dinner or dessert after!

You'll notice that a few things are noticeably absent, like dancing or going to bars.  That's because we simply don't enjoy these things but perhaps you'll want to add it to your list.  I highly suggest you each sit down and make a list of all the things you want to do- get creative!

Full disclosure- I have to be honest here and say that the husband and I have gotten away from planning and as a result, our date nights have become a little stale.  Recently we discussed how we could spice things up and so we've set up some perimeters and added them to our previous guidelines. 

• Each person plan one date per month.
• Rotate between things that cost more and cost less.  Keep your budget in mind.
• No major surprises.  In theory, they sound great- but for us, it never works.  Little sweet surprises are great- but keep it simple here.
• Be flexible.  If your spouse has planned something that you really don't want to do- try to keep an open mind and just enjoy your time together.  If the restaurant you want to go to is crazy busy, have another option in mind.  Flexibility is key.
• This is sacred time- meaning no phone calls from family, no texts between friends.  The only person you should be picking up your cell phone for is your babysitter in case of emergency.
• Keep it varied.  If you've just had a dinner and a movie date, make sure you don't do it again twice in a row.  Variety is the spice of life after all...
• You plan the things you want to do and vice versa.  It simply doesn't work if you ask the husband to plan a shopping date while you plan a paintball date if it's not something your really interested in.  Then you end up with a lame date and someone who is disappointed because it wasn't what they really wanted.  Trust me on this one.
• Don't put too much pressure on it.  If it's been awhile since you've had date nights, it's hard not to go into them with big expectations.  So at least in the beginning, keep it light and fun.

Wow- now this seems much more realistic then going birdwatching and learning to salsa.  At least for us it is!  No matter what you decide to do, keep in mind the most important thing of all- you need these date nights.  Your marriage needs this quality time away.  You must make them a priority because if you don't- your relationship will start to unravel.

And of course- don't forget to have fun!

In the Public Eye

Here's the thing about having a blog with over 25K readers and a rapidly growing Facebook page- you are officially "in the spotlight".

This is a decision that I wrestle with almost daily.  Am I doing the right thing?  Should I even post photo's of my child?  Should I tell people the general area we live?  Will I have regrets?  What does my husband have to say about all this?  Should I share less?  More?

It's hard you guys.  Much more difficult then I ever thought possible.  I want to share our journey with you all, I want to put a realness to this path of homeschooling.  I want you all to know that parenthood is hard, that it's not all sunshine and roses, that marriage takes work, that homeschooling is worth it- but at what cost?

Recently, I have had some of my fans reach out to me via my personal Facebook page- not my Homeschooled Housewife fan page.  While I love that you are interested in knowing more about me and while for most of you- I do already consider you friends, I have to decide where to draw that line.  In addition, some folks that my husband and I have banned from our personal pages are using my fan page to keep tabs on our family.  That scares me and makes my husband extremely upset that they would go to such lengths.  So I've had to do some re-evaluating for both my personal and fan pages.

Lines are being drawn

The reality is this- I'm much more active over on the fan page.  If you want to get to know the real me, this is the place to do it.  Well- that and my Pinterest page!  I reserve my personal page for mainly family and close friends and I post mostly funny memes and Disney stuff there.  Truly, it's very boring so fear not- you aren't missing anything!

Topics that relate to marriage, motherhood, homeschooling and in general- just real life, it's all over on the fan page.  In talking with my husband, he cautioned me to keep these as separate as possible.  The truth of the matter is that I already invite everyone into our lives via the fan page and that some things, like convo's between my Mom or the neighbor, should stay private.  So for now- I won't be accepting friend requests from fans on my personal Facebook page.  I hope that you all can understand.

I consider you my friends already.  I am so thankful to have this great community of supportive wives, mothers and homeschoolers.  But as my husband pointed out- there has to be a line somewhere.  So thank you- really, THANK YOU, for your desire to know more about me and my family and thank you for your understanding.

I'm still learning how to navigate being "in the public" and trying to figure out a balance that my boys can appreciate.  And while I'm no Diary of a Mom, I'm doing the best I can to find a solution that works for everyone.

You Should Also Know-

• I don't post photos of myself on the fan page
• I very rarely post photos of the husband
• There's a few topics that are off limits
• I do my best to answer any & all questions with 100% honesty
• If I think the subject matter would embarrass the kiddo, I do not post it
• I do my best not to offend or post topics that others might find offensive
• I do not post photo's of others without asking permission
• I am not perfect, this is the real me

I am very aware that every single thing I put out there is now public.  My husband is very aware that there are people viewing our family's page (because it really is a family page) and my blog, that we would rather not be viewing.  And if we ever feel that our safety is compromised, I will pull the plug immediately.

But friends- I sincerely hope it doesn't ever come to that.  I enjoy sharing with you all far too much and I hope I will be able to do so for many years to come.

As always, thank you for reading and for following along on our journey.

The Homeschooled Housewife

A Valuable Lesson

Contrary to popular belief, homeschoolers do socialize.  Quite well in fact.  But every once in awhile you find yourself in a situation that is very reminiscent of grade school bullying.  Yes, even homeschoolers must face bullying.

And so it was that the kiddo found himself in a situation where an older boy was physically aggressive towards him and his friend on the playground.  Yes, I said playground.  We go to playgrounds too you know....but I digress.  The kiddo made friends with this boy and for several weeks, they all played happily together.

But then one Monday, the kiddo told me what had happened.  "He just kept pushing me to the ground Mom and last time I hit my head.  I told him to stop but he wasn't listening."

We went over appropriate responses with the kiddo.  Tell the boy firmly to stop and walk away and come find me if he didn't.  Heck- I even reached out to this boy's parents in an effort to stop this bullying in its tracks.  Well- I'm sure you can all guess that this boy didn't stop.  In fact, he did the very opposite of stop.

And so- I gave my child permission to defend himself.

Normally I don't advocate violence.  But when you are in a situation where another person is harming you and not respecting your personal space, it is absolutely OK for you to stop them by any means necessary.  There is never a situation in which you should allow yourself to be the victim.  Never.  Yes, this goes for our children as well.

Now- the kiddo has been taking Karate for several years and he's been working with his Dad on Jujitsu.  He knows how to defend himself.  He knows to only use his Karate for good- because, well...that's what the Sensei has them repeat at the end of every class.  The kiddo does not misuse his Karate.

And so it was that the following week, this boy was again hurting my child.  He asked him to stop.  He tried to walk away and when that didn't work- he punched this boy in the stomach.  Hard.

My child stood up for himself and for his friend.  He tried all non-violent means of resolution and when that didn't work, he defended himself.  For this, I am very proud of him.

"Mom, I did it.  I can stop someone from hurting me and my friends.  I wasn't sure if I could, but now I know I can."

Lessons come in all packages.

This one taught the kiddo how important it is to respect other people.  How to use your voice to seek resolution, to have faith in himself and how to effectively deal with a bully.  Since that day, this boy has not been a problem.  Perhaps it's because a child half his size knocked him down a peg or two.  Or perhaps it's because he finally understood that it hurts when someone hits you. Who knows really...but what I do know is that my child learned some valuable lessons that day, lessons that he won't soon forget.

*********************************************************************************

After some feedback on this post- I am editing it to add the following.

We pursued all avenues of non-violent resolution prior to giving the kiddo permission to defend himself.  We reached out to the parents of the bully and I spoke with the bully myself but no changes were made.  In addition, we avoided this playground, hoping that this issue would simply "die down" and go away- it did not.

Our exact instructions for the kiddo were to "walk away and find an adult but if that wasn't possible- you have the right to defend yourself".  I stand behind this 100%.

Do I want my child to get hurt?  Of course not.

Am I happy that it had to come to this?  No.

Would I handle it exactly the same way?  Yes.

It is important to empower your children with a voice.  It is important to teach them that there are proper channels that must be followed and that immediately resorting to violence is not the answer.  But above all, it is important that they understand that they have the right to defend themselves against those that seek to do them harm, no matter who that person may be.

Quick Tips for the Grocery Store

For the most part, we are an all organic household.  The food that is...I'm still working on everything else.  We also have a pretty tight budget of $200 per week for all food, household items and gas.  Now- I know to most folks, this sounds like a lot of money.  But if you figure that I'm filling up my gas tank each week at $55, there goes 1/4 of my budget.  This means that I have roughly $150 to spend at the grocery store and this figure includes toiletries and household items.  As you can imagine, it's important to make the most of this small budget.

Sure, I coupon and shop the sales but if you buy organic food the coupons will only get you so far.  With the many changes that my family has made in our diets, I now shop in a completely different way.  Would you believe that I used to stock up on Progresso Soups when it was $10/10 at my local Albertson's?  Seriously- I would buy $30 worth of canned soup at a time AND do this every couple months!  Why?  Well because I thought it was cheap....and it was easy and the husband could easily make it and excuses, excuses, excuses.

Now of course I know how much healthier homemade soup is for you.  And HELLO- could soup be any easier to make?!?  Yeah- you could say I've had an awakening.  So today I'm going to share with you some items that I used to buy on the regular but will never buy again.  I will also be sharing a list of foods that I personally think are worth paying the extra money for and getting organic instead of conventional.

Here we go!


Never Buy This Again!

• Canned soup- so much cheaper & healthier to make your own & yes, this includes anything with the title "Cream of"
• Frozen dinners- create a freezer stockpile by cooking up a double batch & freezing half
• Granola Bars/Pop Tarts/Nutri Grain Bars- just as much sugar as candy
• Sugary Drinks- the only juice allowed in my house is organic OJ & organic Lemonade on occasion
• Pasta Sauce- so easy to make at home
• Desserts- homemade just tastes WAY better & you would be surprised at how easy cakes, pies, brownies etc are to make
• Pre-anything- think pre-shredded cheese, pre-cut apples, pre-shredded carrots, pre-diced onions etc.  Sure it may be convenient but it costs more & they add extra chemicals/additives to preserve it, no thanks!

Worth the Extra Money!

• Organic bread- if you can't make your own, please buy a good quality organic bread!
• Local Meat- do NOT eat factory farmed meat, please- I beg you!
• Dairy- our rule of thumb is simple, "if it comes from an animal it better be organic"
• Organic convenience food/snacks- if you need a few quick cheats (like we all do!) or chips for your salsa, please buy from brands such at Amy's, Late July or Annie's.
• Organic condiments- mayo that actually tastes like mayo- seriously it's amazeballs!

This list is pretty simple and it's my hope that it will get you thinking about ways you could save money and put it towards the better (and many times more expensive) options.  You'll notice that I left off produce and that's because while I feel buying all organic produce is the way to go, I know that for many folks- it's not reality.  I would much rather you buy a ton of fruits and veggies then none at all because you couldn't afford the more expensive counterparts.

You can do this, I know you can!