I am FIRED UP- the sequel

Yesterday I posted about a situation that had occurred with kiddo and one of his teacher's at his homeschool program.  Today, I'm going to tell you about the phone call and the subsequent conversations with the kiddo and husband.

Here's what was posted over on the Facebook page yesterday.

You guys- I am FIRED UP!!!

Here's the situation-

The kiddo takes a math class at our local homeschool program. This math class supplements his home learning. He's struggled with the teacher & has felt that she unfairly singles him out. He's also felt that other kids are making fun of him & when he stands up for himself, he gets in trouble but not the offenders.

Basically- he's feeling disrespected & NOT supported by the teacher.

We've talked with the kiddo about the entire situation. We as parents acknowledge that sometimes kids & teachers will not always "mesh" but that a teacher is still someone to be respected. They are simply doing the very best they can. We LOVE teachers in this home mmkay...So, we have chosen to use this as a life lesson for the kiddo & trusted him to tell us when something went wrong. I will also add that we trusted the teacher to reach out to us as parents if she was having difficulty- she has not.

With that being said, today pushed me over the edge. The kiddo came to me after class & said the teacher embarrassed him & pulled him outside during class. He was sitting with some friends & these boys were becoming an issue & started swearing & saying inappropriate things.

You guys- these boys are 10-12 years old. I expect a certain amount of this to occur. The kiddo tells me that while he was sitting with them & participating in some of the conversation, he was not swearing. Now- I'm not so naive to believe that my child is 100% innocent but when he tells me that he honestly didn't do something- I BELIEVE HIM. This is a Mother's job, right? And I know that my child doesn't not lie. Anyone who knows him IRL, knows that he is embarrassingly honest- lying is simply not part of his DNA.

So the teacher pulls him outside & accuses him of swearing & behaving inappropriately. She does NOT do this with the students who actually did the offense. He told her he didn't do this but she continued. Rather than argue with someone who he's been told he needs to respect- he simply apologized & went back in to class.

This situation backs up everything that the kiddo has been telling me throughout the entire year. I feel like I failed my child. I should have done more for him with this teacher. He clearly needed assistance in dealing with her & I didn't listen & respect what he was telling me. I chose to place my faith & trust in this woman to do right by my child. I was wrong.

So....I have sent the teacher an email & asked her to call me at her earliest convenience today. My plan is to simply ask her what happened, tell her that I believe my child was being honest when he said he didn't do this & tell her that she owes him an apology. Oh- and I expect this not to happen again.

Am I over reacting? Because, well....I know you'll find this hard to believe but sometimes I can be a bit "dramatic". What would you do in this situation?

And here's what happened after.

I emailed the teacher again after dinner because I had yet to hear from her all day.  I was upset gosh darn it and I wanted to discuss it immediately.  Yeah- patience is SO not my thing!  She returned my call while we were at Karate at the YMCA, so I stepped outside so I could speak privately with her.

You guys- you'll be so impressed.  I was such an adult about this and simply asked her what had happened yesterday in class.  BTW- I was NOT happy that she had pulled my child out to speak with him privately and never thought to inform the parents about this incident.  But I digress...

Here's what she had to say-

She heard William say "Mother Fucker" when speaking with a group of boys at his table.  She informed me that on Monday there was a guest teacher and that she had left notes and had observed William's table swearing and behaving inappropriately.  As a result, his teacher stated that she was extra sensitive in listening and observing them the next class time.  She said that she pulled him out and told him that was inappropriate and that he apologized. She also stated that she has "never in her entire career had to pull a child outside the classroom for such inappropriate behavior and harsh words".

Ok.....to say that I was surprised to hear this was an understatement.  I fully realize that my child can act out and is not a perfect angel.  Yeah- I'm aware.  But this word, this "F" word- it simply isn't something he says.  When he's really pushing the boundaries, the worst he'll say is "crap" to which he immediately gets reprimanded.  The "F" word, is simply not something he says.

I asked her a few questions.  Did you physically see William swear?  She did not.  So basically, it's possible you heard one of the other boys and immediately jumped on William as the culprit.  William said that it was the other boys at his table that were swearing- why did you not take them outside as well?  Did William admit to doing this?  Her answer- no but he apologized.

I ended the phone conversation by stating that William had struggled with her as a teacher the entire year but that I had assumed it was just normal stuff.  Math isn't his favorite subject and this year there were LOTS of new, harder concepts so I just assumed it was the content he was struggling with and since she was the unlucky one to help deliver it- she was the recipient of his angst.  She stated that she didn't feel it was that bad for him in class, which is why she never reached out to me, and that she thought things were getting better between them and that he was vastly improved.  Yeah- a whole different story that what I was hearing.

I apologized to her for his behavior, thanked her for the phone call and asked her to reach out to me if anything else occurred in the future.  Wow- I'm so proud of my adult self!  And the Mama Bear in me was very much restrained- GO ME!

Later that night, when we got home, the husband and I spoke with the kiddo.  I relayed the information to him and asked him to think on how I could be getting a much different story from his teacher.

Here's what the kiddo had to say:

On Monday (with the guest teacher) he was whispering to the boys at his table about what someone from Clash of Clans called him.  You might remember...we banned this game recently because of the inappropriate language and the online chat content.  He spelled it out for me because it didn't want to say the word.  F-U-C-L-E-R.  "Maybe this is how the teacher thought I said that other word Mom.  But that's all I said and that was on Monday.  I never even said any bad words or did anything yesterday when my teacher was there."  Hmm....

So I asked him exactly what happened on Wednesday during class time.  He said that he was sitting at his table and talking with his friends and his teacher walked right up to him and said that his behavior was completely inappropriate and said "come here" and motioned him outside.  He said one of his friends said "crap" but that was it.

Two different stories.  One from my child- who I know.  One from a teacher- who I'm supposed to trust.  What's a Mama to do?

We sent the kiddo to bed by telling him that we believed what he was saying to us but regardless- he was still saying words close to bad words and perhaps not staying as on task in the classroom as he should be doing.  I'm pretty sure he was taking full advantage of having a guest teacher in the classroom....We told him we expected improvement in this area.

The husband and I reached a conclusion.  Something clearly wasn't adding up here.  My Mama gut instinct was telling me that the kiddo was right all along.  This teacher had, for some reason, singled him out.  Why else would she take only him outside the classroom and not any of the other boys?!?  BUT- and here's the real issue....I believe that his teacher read the notes from the guest teacher and came after William the first chance she got.  I do not believe for one minute that she heard my child say Mother Fucker.  This is not something he says, it's just not.  She clearly had no intention to inform me of what had happened and when I literally called her on it, she was forced to make something up to cover her behind.

The kiddo told me that he apologized to her because he didn't want to incur any more of her wrath.  While I think he may be a bit dramatic here, I do think that his feelings were valid.  He kept asking me, "what can I do Mom? She's a teacher and I'm just a kid."

Here's what we told the kiddo-

Always apologize if you are in the wrong.  Always.

You do not have to take the blame for something you didn't do.

It's OK to question teachers and other adults, even those in authority.

Children have rights too.  You have the right to ask specifically what it is that you did wrong.  You have the right to say you don't agree and you have the right to ask for your parent to be present and called.


I am still very much FIRED UP!  I believe my child.  I am sure he did or said something out of line on Monday when there was a guest teacher but I do not believe that he said the "F" word in front of his teacher on Wednesday.  I am proud of him for telling me right after it happened.  I am disappointed in his teacher that she didn't feel this was important enough to reach out to me.  I am also pretty certain that his teacher is not being honest- which is of course extremely sad as she's in a position of role model for these children.

Bottom line- there's one month left of classes.  We will encourage the kiddo to continue with his obligations because that's what we do.  However, we will be closely watching and the husband has said he will sit in on a few classes.  Nothing like a 6'2 bear of a man to dissuade any poor behavior mmkay....We have instructed the kiddo that one of the boys at his table is a bad influence and he agrees- he will no longer be sitting with this boy.  But most importantly- the trust with this teacher is lost.  I would like to believe in the good in people and so I'm hoping that this is just a situation of misunderstanding all around.  I don't believe there's any negative intentions on the teacher's part but the fact remains, her story isn't adding up.  At the end of the day, a Mother should always believe in her child.  Period.  I will no longer be signing the kiddo up for any of her classes.

Done and done.