Cake or Pie?

The other day I whipped up a chocolate cake from scratch, you know- because I got skillz, and the family ate it in 24 hours.  Seriously, the cake was gone in less than a day.  And as the kiddo was

commiserating with the husband over the last slice being gone, the husband said- "don't worry, Mom will make us more."

True Story.

So last night, the husband and I were canoodling in bed and I asked him if he really wanted another chocolate cake.  "How about pie instead?" I said.  Turns out the husband always wants cake and he always wants pie.  Tell me something I don't know mmkay....

Me- Well which one would you prefer?

Husband- Both.

Me- But if I had to make only one.....

Husband- Both.

Me- You're such a butt.

Husband- That's why you love me.  And now you're probably gonna make me both just out of spite.

Me- Well der.

So that's how I found myself making another chocolate cake this week AND baking an apple pie.  Because my man couldn't decide which one he wanted more and so I made him both.

In all seriousness- this moment speaks to the kind of Wife and Mother that I aspire to be.  I want my family to know that I will ALWAYS be there to bake another chocolate cake.  And when they are being silly and can't decide between cake and pie- I'll make them both, because that's just how much I love them.

Baking is love.  Cake is love.  Pie is love.  It's the time you take to do something sweet for those you cherish.  It's showing them, literally showing them, that they are worth your time.  It might sound ridiculous to some- but this quiet and silly little moment, speaks to the heart of a housewife.  She does for others and she does it will all her might.

Want to read more about being a Wife and Mother?

• So You Call Yourself a Housewife
• A Morning Checklist for Traditional Wives
• Update: The Good Wife's Guide

So You Call Yourself a Homemaker

Homemaker, not home-WRECKER.  BWHAHAHAHA!

But seriously, how many people actually refer to themselves this way anymore?  Slim to none, am I right?  A mere half century ago and pretty much all Wives and Mothers were homemakers.  Crazy how fast times can really change!

While I most definitely consider myself to be a homemaker, I do not typically refer to myself this way.  At least out loud.....I can just imagine the horrified stares of all the "liberated" women now.  Hmm...I wonder what would happen if I threw caution to the wind and just called myself a housewife instead?  Ha!  Blasphemy I'm sure!

In the interest of fun, I've put together a little list to help you sort yourselves out.  You're welcome!

You Might Be a Homemaker If:

• You post things to Facebook such as, "how do I get the yellow stains out of my pillows?" and "feels SO good to steam clean the carpets, 2 months is far too long!"
• Menu planning is your idea of fun.
• All your closets are color coded and arranged by season.
• You make your husband's lunch for him, many times the night before so it will be ready when he needs to leave for work.
• You wonder if you can vacuum the lint/dust off the vacuum cleaner.  Then laugh because you think vacuuming the vacuum is hysterical.  Because yeah...it kinda is....
• Coffee is your drug of choice.
• Your home is on a cleaning schedule.  Mondays are for laundry, Tuesdays are for bathrooms, Wednesdays are....
• You can bake a cake.  From scratch.
• You're pretty sure you should invest in a laminator.
• You have a day of the week for grocery shopping.  Usually the day when the new sales come out or the day where they markdown items.
• You wouldn't dare go out in public without makeup on!
• You iron your curtains.
• You have the cleanest refrigerator of anyone you know.  Since you clean it every week, that baby sparkles!
• Your Pinterist is full of cleaning tips and DIY projects.
• Stuff on your kitchen counter is your arch nemesis.
• You actually wash and clean your shoes.  And your family's shoes. 
• Your dining room table is always ready for the next meal & you actually light the candles & turn on music for dinner with the family. 
• You have neatly labeled tote bins for all your holiday supplies.  Broken down by specific holiday of course.
• Lists are your favorite thing in the whole wide world!
• When someone in your house gets sick, you whip up a batch of your homemade chicken noodle soup and then disinfect the crap out of everything.
• You hate clutter.
• Anyone has ever made fun of you and compared you to "Martha".

Alright- so this was all in fun but seriously- taking care of your home used to be celebrated.  Sadly, now it's almost as if it's no longer socially acceptable to be a Wife, a Mother and most of all- a Homemaker.  While I've personally never been too concerned with what other people think of me, I am just a bit sad to think that our next generation will be growing up without an understanding of this art form.  Because you guys- being a wonderful homemaker is indeed an art.  It's something worth cherishing and celebrating and hopefully it will continue to be passed down to the next generation of Wives and Mothers.

Want to read more?

• Marriage- A Traditional Housewife
• Guidelines in the Running of Your Home
• On Being a Traditional Wife
• Marriage-The Good Wife's Guide

Regrets

Do I regret being a housewife?  A Mother?  Do I regret staying home?

Umm...no.  The answer is no, I do not regret any of my choices.

I don't believe in having regrets.  They are simply not a part of my vocabulary.  If I ever feel like I'm doing something that I may regret later or wish I had done differently, then I simply change it.  This way I don't have to look back upon those choices with regret.  Seems easy enough right?

Years ago, when the kiddo was about a year old, I found myself stuck.  I had just started working this fabulous job- good pay, nice corner office with a window, travel....you get the picture.  And yet, every single day I would look out my 13th floor office window at the people down below and wish I was out there.  With my child.  Instead of being stuck in there.

So you know what I did....I quit.

Easy as that.  If something is not working in your life, change it.

Pretty crazy idea huh?  But the reality is this- you have one life to live.  So live it.  The way you want to live it and don't waste it looking back wishing you had done something differently.

Yes- quitting my job was a major step.  Of course I was anxious about this choice but I knew that I couldn't continue to struggle day in and day out.  I couldn't keep dragging my behind out of bed at 4am, not seeing my baby until 3pm every day.  I wanted to be home, playing outside in the sandbox, going for walks, taking the kiddo to story time at the library- I wanted this.  And for me, it was worth making some drastic changes so that my husband and I could afford this life change.

I won't say that we haven't struggled.  But what I will tell you is that by simply making this one choice, by following my heart instead of my head- it has led us to make many other life choices.  I probably wouldn't have become so obsessed with eating healthy.  We probably would have continued eating meat because I wouldn't have taken the time away from my child to worry about this.  And we definitely would NOT have even considered homeschooling.  Homeschooling with 2 working parents- yeah...I wouldn't have even thought that possible.  And yes, I know many of you do- so Kuddos!  But I'm simply not sure if this would have been something I could see myself doing.

It's strange how by making just one choice, it's led me to the life I'm currently living.  I'm happy.  And I don't for one minute wish that I had stayed in that high rise surrounded by my fellow employees, talking about our children and showing their pictures.  I see my child, in person.  Every day, all day.  Not in a photograph.  And you can't put a price on that.

So no- I don't have any regrets.  Do you?

How a Traditional Wife Can Support Her Husband

My husband works a lot.

Today he will go on-call and he will most likely work all weekend.  Since he has just worked a full 50 hour week, will work all weekend and then work the following week- he will be one tired man!  Sadly, my son and I won't see much of him during these 2 weeks.  Unfortunately, this is a cycle that happens every 3rd week.  As soon as he recovers from one on call round- another one starts back up.  It's brutal!

My husband also loves his job.  He likes the company he works for and he's very good at what he does.  So even though this on-call portion of his job is very difficult, it's worth it in the long run.

Now as you can imagine, this would probably upset most wives.  It's a very demanding job and requires way too many hours away from home.  Thankfully, this job fits in just fine with our lifestyle.  You all know by now that I'm a Stay At Home Mom and that we homeschool.  If our son went to a traditional public school, he would probably never get to see his Dad due to the school schedule and my husband's work schedule.  Another point for homeschooling!

If you read my popular series about Traditional Housewives you know that I see my job at home as being the most important.  I make sure that my husband's needs are met so that he can focus entirely on work- especially during the on-call rotations.  So how does that translate?  What's a wife to do when her husband works way too much?  Here's a short list of 8 things that I personally do to support my husband.

1. Don't Whine and Don't Complain.  He works a lot.  He's doing his best to support his family and the last thing he wants is more stress from a nagging wife.  So shut your mouth and smile.
2. Feed Him.  Seriously!  Men are super focused on food at least my man is- so when work is especially stressful- cook him his favorite meal or bake him a special goody.  And don't forget to pack him a lunch for the road!
3. See To His Physical Comforts.  My husband's job can be very physically demanding.  And when he's just worked 20 hours straight, his body is ready to call it quits.  My husband appreciates a hot shower, Icy Hot cream on his shoulders and a stiff drink.  Make it happen ladies!  Go the extra mile and schedule a massage or chiropractic appointment!
4. Surprise Him!  If he's working all the time, I'm sure he misses his wife and kids.  So take a free moment and go surprise him at work.  Make your visit brief though since he's sure to have a mountain of work left to do.  Also make sure to bring him something to snack on!  You'd be surprised how this easy and thoughtful gesture will boost his spirits and help to keep him going!
5. Take Care of Everything at Home.  Everything.  He should not have to do a load of laundry or clean the dishes.  He's already done his job so let him relax.  Now I'm not saying that he should never help around the house.  I'm merely suggesting that when he's just worked an obscene amount of hours, don't ask him to work more. 
6.  Be His Soft Place to Fall.  We all need physical intimacy but equally important is a spiritual and emotional connection.  Your husband should be able to come to you and know that you will always listen and be available to comfort him.  Welcome him home with sweet kisses and open arms.  When he's worked all day long, you are his safe place and his quiet in the storm.  Make him glad to be home.
7. Be Considerate of His Time Off.  I strategically plan around my husband's on-call rotation.  I also know that the week before and the week after he's been on-call he is super tired.  This translates into a bad time to ask him to complete my Honey Do List.  And don't forget that he needs to time spend with his friends- so relax and try to give him the time he needs.  Sometimes easier said then done, I know!
8. Thank Him.  Let him know you appreciate all of his hard work.  That you respect his role as provider for your family.  We all like to hear a little positive reinforcement and husbands are no exception.  

I take care to follow all of these so that I can be a loving and supportive wife to my husband.  He deserves it for working so hard!  

Marriage- A Traditional Housewife

What would a Homeschooled Housewife blog be without discussing the Housewife part of things?  So here begins a series of posts about all things marriage and housewifey.  Yep, pretty sure housewifey is a word.  So hold on feminists and watch out single gals- here we go!  And if I ruffle some feathers along the way- please know that these posts on marriage are a reflection of what works for me personally.  I don't expect everyone to agree or to do things the same way.  I'm simply stating what has worked for us in our marriage and what we personally believe.  Well alright...might as well jump right in!

Let me first begin by saying that my husband and I have a very traditional marriage.  It didn't start out this way 13 years ago when we first started dating.  We certainly didn't have a big huge discussion on marriage, our roles, expectations etc.  In fact, looking back- we were pretty naive about the whole thing.

Over the course of our relationship, we have naturally settled into the roles that fit us best and work the most for our marriage.  And surprise! They just happen to be very traditional roles.  Not many of them left these days and it's certainly not a very popular choice among my own generation.  So what exactly does our traditional marriage look like? Well, I like to think it's very reminiscent of Grandma & Grandpa's marriage circa 1950 with a little bit of modern times thrown in!

To put it simply- I am responsible for everything inside the house and my husband is responsible for everything outside the house.  But it's not just about the division of labor- because to be honest, I could care less if he washes the dishes or I take the car in for an oil change.  Which BTW- I have never in my entire life taken a car in for an oil change, so I don't expect that to change any time soon.  But back to the topic at hand....it's not really about who does what.  It's more about how we view ourselves in our marriage that would classify our marriage as traditional.  I'll explain...

I am the keeper of the home.  I am my husband's help mate and I am the foundation for our family.  Basically, I'm the glue that holds this ship together.  I begin each day with one simple question- "what can I do to make your life better today?"  By doing for others, I do for myself.  I am happiest when I am with my boys and I truly enjoy being a Wife and Mother.  Hmm...if this doesn't scream June Cleaver, I don't know what will!

My husband views his role in our marriage as protector.  He is the provider and the protector for our family. Everything he does comes from this desire to financially provide for us and to protect us from harm.  I know that when I am with my husband, I am always safe and I am always loved.

I have noticed that more people, especially from my generation, are abandoning the traditional roles of marriage.  Most times it's out of necessity- you just can't afford for the wife to stay at home like you could 50 years ago, I get it.  However, many times its because this is what they desire.  Society has changed the face of marriage and somehow made the traditional marriage less acceptable.  A true housewife is a thing of the past.  Which is sad really- there was some sort of beautiful fantasy involved in the whole 1950's housewife.  If you like that sort of thing I suppose...but there were also some very real benefits to the lifestyle.  Such as:

• Less stress.  My husband goes out and works, earns the money while I take care of the home.  No one person is attempting to do it all.  This causes you to become overwhelmed and burdened with the day to day responsibilities.  This way, my husband can leave each day knowing that he will return to clean underwear, a home cooked meal, and a hopefully fairly clean house.  In turn, I do not feel the pressure to "do it all" and be some sort of Superwoman.  Too much work, I'll pass.
• More time.  There is simply more time to accomplish more things in any given day.  Sure, I have a LOT on my plate right now.  I work part time, I homeschool, I run a household, I raise a child- blah, blah, blah....you get it, I'm busy.  But I'm not so busy that I become overwhelmed.  I have the time to provide a home cooked breakfast for my husband before he leaves for work.  I have the time to make his lunch every morning.  I have the time to clean the house and wash the clothes-well, most days that is. Most importantly- I am not rushed and everything that needs to get done, gets done.  I am also free to give the best of myself to my family simply because I have the time to devote to them.
• Respect.  I respect and admire how hard my husband works to provide for his family.  My husband respects and likes the man that he is, his work gives him purpose- many times men are defined by their work.  As I sit here typing this blog post, he's just come off a 70 hour work week and has already put in 10 hours today with several more hours to go and will be back up and out the door at 5AM tomorrow morning.  Whew- now that's a hardworking man!  In turn, my husband respects me for how hard I work to ensure our family is well taken care of.  And ladies- let's not forget how sexy a little hard work & respect can make a man!
• The kids are taken care of.  There is no childcare shuffle.  I am home all day, every day.  I am the one raising my son with the morals and beliefs set forth by myself and my husband.  I do not have to worry about where my child is, what he's doing, if he's happy, well fed, etc because I am providing all of that. In turn, my husband is free to go about his work day knowing that our child is safe and secure.
• It's cheaper & you save money.  I never used coupons before becoming a stay at home wife & mother.  I never sewed a button or patched a hole in jeans- I just threw them away.  I also relied heavily on processed foods as they were much faster and easier to prepare.  However they are also more expensive to buy, so by simply making homemade foods, I ensure we aren't eating boxed crap and I save us money.  WooHoo!  We also don't pay for childcare.  I don't have work clothes to buy, lunches out, espresso's on the way in to work, gas for a super long commute, etc- all of which was part of our finances prior to me staying home.  In fact, we share one car now because we don't need two!  Ka-ching!  And let's not forget the pesky IRS.  The more you earn, the more they take!
• We are happier as a couple.  This is perhaps THE biggest reason why I feel a traditional marriage is best.  My husband is happier because I take as much stress out of his life as possible.  His needs and desires are met.  I am happier because I get to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a Wife and Mother.  I am not burdened down with work stress and can focus entirely on my family.  We have more time to enjoy each other and spend time together as a family and as a couple.

In general- our home runs the way we want it to run.  I do more of the things that are thought of as traditionally female and my husband does those that are traditionally male.  One could not function without the other, so we are very much a team.  Could my husband make dinner and do the dishes?  Well, yes- I suppose he could.  Does he want to?  Well, no more then I want to mow the lawn and fix the brakes on our SUV.  So why go against who you are in order to fit into the modern mold of marriage?  Embrace who you are and be happy in your marriage!

*Check out the next post in this marriage series discussing the NOT so popular rules we follow in our marriage.