In speaking with one of my new co-workers who is just a few years older then my own 33- I had to stop and really think about our society and the pressures it places on women today.
My new co-worker is a super sweet GRANDMA, yeah- you heard that right, from Africa. She got married and started having her five babies at the tender age of 15. Holy Buckets, that's young. But in her culture, that's just what they do. Women are the caretakers, they are the Moms, the Wives and that's pretty much it. She expressed to me that it's weird for her to have friends here in the United States that are just starting to get married and raise families in their late 30's or early 40's. "By that age, I was already done!"
It wasn't until she moved here that she learned just how different our two worlds really are- suddenly she was expected to work, to help pay the bills, to continue to raise her children and to balance this extremely progressive and modern society with her more reserved cultures. "My teenage daughter wanted to be a cheerleader, but I told her she couldn't wear those short skirts."
What a shock for her! Her role as a woman had now completely changed and to be honest- I'm just not sure if it was for the better. She now works two jobs, has a mortgage that she struggles to pay, a husband who now has a girlfriend, a pregnant teenage daughter and on and on it goes. She's desperately trying to hold it all together and continue to be the backbone of her family.
Whew!
Let this be a lesson to you ladies. First- the grass is NOT always greener but secondly, that we as women, don't have to do it all. Sure- society is pushing the "Superwoman" concept on us all. You too can have your family AND your career. But at what price?
I'm not advocating that you choose one or the other here. For some women, they really want it all. But let's just redefine our definition of what it means to "have it all". Why can't it mean having a house you can afford, a husband who loves you, a kid or two that sometimes tolerates you, a job you enjoy, good food, laughter etc. Who says that you need to buy a fancy house and then work 80 hours per week just to afford said house? And why in the world would you have 10 kids if you had no intention of being home with them? Kids need their Mamas- period. A fancy car just because the neighbors have one? C'mon now...that's just silly.
Let's refocus our priorities ladies.
If you want a career and children- maybe you shouldn't have four kids then? I know...I know...I said it.
If you want a happy husband and fulfilling marriage, perhaps you shouldn't spend so much time enjoying happy hour with your co-workers after the work day is over.
Do you want a home you love filled with laughter and happiness? Or an empty museum full of expensive things that you struggle to pay for?
Sometimes, more is NOT better. Seriously, it's just not.
I can't help but think of my new co-worker. She was happy with her life in Africa with her five babies, her husband and extended family. But someone told her she needed more and look where she is now. Stressed out, struggling, working 7 days per week, unhappy that her children are not following her religious beliefs and the ways of her culture, unsatisfied in her marriage...seriously- how is this better?
What a great reminder to me and all of you- let's really focus on what we want out of life and not what someone else tells us we must have. Be happy and grateful for your role, your place, your life. There is nothing wrong with being content and fulfilled exactly where you are, nothing. And by the way, it's totally OK to want it all but balance really is the key. If you want to be a Mom and raise your family and someday re-enter the work force and have an awesome career- you CAN totally do that. It just might mean that you will need to put your career on the back burner for awhile as you raise your kids. Or lets say you want the career and husband first and don't start having babies until later in life? Don't push yourself to be that Superwoman- she doesn't exist. Instead focus on your priorities and find the balance in your life to make it happen.
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