Sweatpants Cause Divorce

Whoa.  Miss Eva Mendes certainly stepped in it now....well, that was my first thought upon hearing the title of this little article.  Then of course I thought- well isn't that just a bit silly.  Ms. Eva Mendes- you aren't even married and yet, here you are, giving advice on marriage.  Hmph.

But then I had a good, long think about it.  The surprising reality is that she's not wrong.  Listen- there's LOTS of things that cause divorce.  Finances probably being at the top of that list but sadly, infidelity isn't far behind.  Cheating, stepping out, looking the other way, emotional affairs, etc- these are now the norm in our society.  So can we just stop for a moment and think about what leads to these things?

Babies.  Lack of intimacy.  Loss of physical interest or chemistry.  Emotional distance.  Poor morals.  Constant fighting.  SO MANY THINGS you guys....

Perhaps Ms. Eva had a very good point.  Frumpy leads to dissatisfaction which leads to wandering eyes which leads to infidelity.  Or at least for some it can...it's not necessarily the sweatpants themselves that lead to divorce.  That's just silly.  But I will say that a lack of effort on either spouse's part can definitely contribute to marital strife.  When we stop putting forth our best for our spouse, we show them that we no longer care.  We show them that they are simply not worth the effort.

Here's what I mean by this-

My husband personally LOVES my long hair.  I'm over it.  It's a ton of work- it takes me approximately 30 minutes of blow drying, straightening and product to get it even close to the way he likes it.  For a busy Mama like me, that's a lot of time you guys.  As a result, I don't wear it this way very often.  However, I always try to wear it this way for my husband whenever we have a date night or a special day to ourselves.  And you guys- he notices.  Every.  Single.  Time.  My effort is appreciated.

This is a perfect example.  Simple and perhaps a bit silly- it's only hair after all, but I think you all get the point.  When we take the time to invest in our own beauty (inward and outward) we express to our spouse that they matter.  They are worth the time, they are worth the investment and that we want to look our best for them because they deserve the best.

Now tell me- what's so wrong about this?

My husband loves me no matter what I'm wearing.  Of course he does.  But I'm sure he would be the first to admit that his heart skips a little when I put forth the extra effort.  Just as mine does when he takes the additional time to look his best.  We are visual beings and how we look does matter.  I'm sorry but it does.

Let's recap-

Ms. Eva, you certainly shocked us with your strong statement.  However, there's a really excellent point here.  Marriage takes work.  All kinds of work.  And yes, looking good for your spouse should be on this list.

Here's what I personally know-

My marriage does better when the husband and I have physical intimacy.  My marriage does even better when we have lots of physical intimacy.  Looking good is part of that.  Putting forth the effort to make yourself attractive to your spouse leads to more physical intimacy.  Which leads to a happier marriage.  It's simple but effective.

The other aspect of this is about pride.  I want my husband to be proud of the woman that stands beside him.  If I'm looking like a hot mess- what image am I portraying?  If I continuously walk out of the house in sweatpants, no makeup and messy hair- I am putting forth the idea that I'm not only not proud of myself but that I'm not proud of my marriage.  Who I am reflects on who my husband is and at the end of the day, I want him to be proud of his wife.

So can I encourage everyone, husbands and wives, to start putting in a little extra effort?  The yoga pants and sweats are OK- every once in awhile.  But they shouldn't become your normal.  Men- can you put on some yummy smelling cologne and a collared shirt?  Wives- how about some nice jeans or a dress?  It's not that hard, it just takes time.  And if you won't take the advice from the non-married Ms. Eva Mendes, how about from me?  We've been married 11 years and together for 15 years.  We are more in love today then when we met.  Sure, we still have our issues but I wake up each day and vow to do my best.  Whether that's in how I care for my family, what I wear, through my heart and attitude, in lifting up my husband- I try my best.  Many days I fall short but that doesn't mean I will ever stop trying.  My husband is worth it.  Our marriage is worth it.

Is yours?