You guys- the husband and I didn't start out thinking we would have this kind of marriage. In truth, we've never really talked about it at all. It just sort of happened. Weird right? But as we found our rhythm and settled into our real selves within our marriage- this concept of submission just naturally came about.
Now, you probably all know what the Bible has to say about it. That's great- I'm not here to debate the Bible. Expert I am NOT, so I'm not even going there. But I will say that my understanding has always been that just as the husband submits to God, so does the wife to the husband. It's simply the natural order of a biblical marriage.On the other side are couples who aren't necessarily following God's teachings but have adopted this type of marriage because that's simply what works best for them. So that's awesome too right. But can we just take a moment to clear up some very common misconceptions?
#1- Women are weak.
Oh my.
You guys, meet me in real life and you'll know that I am far from a meek or weak woman. In fact, I would consider myself a feminist and believe strongly that ALL women have the right to choose their life path. Mine simply happens to be this one.
It is my opinion that it takes a woman of great strength to allow someone else to lead. Seriously, think about it. How hard is it for you to give in- on anything? And when was the last time you were in an argument with your spouse and decided to put the strife away in favor of resolution, even if it didn't go your way? It's hard mmkay...
#2- Women are abused.
So listen, this will happen in any type of relationship. It is not exclusive to a submissive marriage. The statistics on domestic abuse are staggering. One out of every 5 women will be abused in their lifetime. One in every three women die from domestic abuse. Horrifying.
But I am not one of them. I have never been abused, my husband has never raised a hand to me, I am not in a physically or mentally abusive relationship- not one little bit.
And let's just be clear, when we use the term "submissive", it has NOTHING to do with bedroom antics a la Fifty Shades of Grey. There's no hitting/choking/restraining going on in the name of love here mmkay....although if that's your thing.....
#3- Women have no voice.
Trust me when I say that my voice and opinion comes through loud and clear.
Loud.
And.
Clear.
Sometimes too much- but I'm working on that! I am always able to voice my thoughts and I have an equal say in everything. Yes, I said equal say...In this type of relationship, both husband and wife are free to communicate their thoughts and opinions without fear.
#4- Men are control freaks.
I have yet to meet anyone (male or female) that isn't just a little bit of a control freak. Seriously. The husband has certain things that are important to him and so he exercises his voice and wishes on those issues. On the other hand, I have certain things that are important to me. We are both free to express ourselves and make our desires known. If there's something we are passionate about, we make that known- simple as that.
Truth be told, I'm the real perfectionist in our relationship. "Hi- My Name is Chrissie and I'm a Control Freak."
#5- Men are hiding something.
Sure, some men keep secrets. Just like women. And yes, sometimes they aren't the good kind of secrets. But if you have a good marriage, you simply don't need to worry about this. I trust my husband. I know that when he goes out somewhere without me, the very last thing he's thinking about is hooking up with some random woman or keeping hurtful secrets.
How do I know this?
Simple- my man is happy and satisfied with what he has at home. I am a good wife, a faithful and loving partner and his best friend. Some random chick in a bar simply can't compete. And that's the truth.
In closing- there is something really beautiful about a submissive marriage. For a wife, it's a wonderful gift to give to your husband. To tell him that you trust him completely to lead your marriage and your family down the right path. To place your faith in your husband to guide you, to lay your burdens down in favor of happiness and peace. I just can't even describe to you how wonderful this type of marriage can be if done correctly.
And trust me- I know that MANY of you will simply not understand. I'm sure many of you probably think I've boarded the train to crazy town....I get it. Really I do. But I want to offer you a few things to think about-
How many people do you know that are divorced?
How many of those people encouraged you to conduct your marriage in a way that mirrors their own failed marriage?
Any of them on marriage #3 or more?
How many people do you know who are not happy and fulfilled in their current marriage?
How often do you see your married friends or family members touching, kissing, embracing and in general, showing their spouse love and affection?
What about your own marriage? Are you happy? How do you demonstrate your love to each other? Do you trust your spouse? Do you respect your spouse?
My marriage isn't perfect. We certainly have our moments but we are happy and we are still very much in love. Our submissive marriage works for us and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
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