Y'all.
It is not often that I ask my child to change bits of himself to fit in with the status quo. In fact, I rarely ask this of him. However, first impressions are crucial and homeschoolers can be, how to put this delicately, well- they can be very judgmental. I'm sorry but you know it's true. And since I wasn't going to be able to make it to this meet up and he was going with a friend, I wanted to make sure he was putting his best foot forward. A Dirty Rotten Imbeciles t-shirt complete with skeletons shooting machine guns was probably not it. Although the shirt is pretty kick ass mmkay....and he is wearing it to homeschool classes today....
The husband and I have always been our real and authentic selves. This can mean many things for many people but for us, we don't bullshit. Sure, we can be nice and follow all the appropriate social requirements and we know how to make polite small talk but we don't ever pretend to be something we are not. We acknowledge we aren't perfect and we are most certainly flawed. But we live our life in truth and we teach our child this as well.
What exactly does this mean?
It's simple really- we don't do things that we don't want to do because someone says we "have to", we don't spend time with people we don't like, we accept others just as they are, we don't do fancy, we are proud of our hobbies and interests, we follow our passions, we buck the system, we do not lie, we discuss all the things even those others feel aren't appropriate, we yell and get mad, we accept our flaws. To put it simply- we don't sugar coat who we are and we are 100% comfortable if you don't like it because the reality is, that we simply don't care. Love us, hate us- makes no difference to who we are and how we conduct ourselves and this y'all is what we are teaching our child.
As a result, we have a kid who speaks his mind, follows his joy, stands up for his friends, speaks out against injustice, fights and argues to the death, wears what he wants to wear, listens to the music that speaks to his soul, helps others in need and doesn't give a shit if someone doesn't like him.
He knows he's awesome and he likes who he is.
Gah. Can you just imagine if our society was filled with such self confidence and goodness? What kind of world would we be living in now?
And please know- this isn't to say that my child is perfect. PUH-LEEZE but I'm not one of "those Moms" who thinks her kid walks on water. Yeah no. He is flawed just like his parents. And trust me when I tell you that this is extremely frustrating at times because his flaws mirror my flaws. If you're a parent- I know that you get this mmkay....
The message here is that we let our kid be himself. In all ways. We encourage his creativity, we support his ideas, we push his mind and then we just sit back and let him go.
But the flip side of this is that SO many parents don't do this. They are bound by religious convictions, curriculum, strict schedules and then of course worried over what other parents will think- homeschoolers are no different in this aspect. And while in general, I don't give a fuck- I do want my child to be accepted. So y'all- it can be a struggle. You want your child to be accepted for who they are but you know that most times, the world just doesn't operate that way.This is on me.
First impressions matter. It is important for the kiddo to understand this and so, when he attends a homeschool meet up for the very first time, I will ask him to change into something more socially acceptable. Just like I would expect him to put on nice pants for church or not swear in front of his great grandma.
As his parents, it is our job to help him put his best REAL foot forward. To give him the knowledge of how to behave in a variety of social situations but to also give him the freedom to be himself. I suppose that only time will tell how good of a job we are doing.
No matter who you are and what you believe, first impressions DO matter. But what he doesn't after that- is entirely up to him.
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