When Thanksgiving Isn't....

Sigh....

My thoughts on this "family" Thanksgiving trip we took are pretty raw still.  I went into this trip with massive amounts of trepidation but was hoping for a peaceful journey.  The reality is that we all, kiddo included, came home from this trip just a bit broken.  We learned some very sad lessons probably made even more devastating by the fact that it involved those who are a part of our family.  Family is hard y'all....

HARD.

While I don't wish to get into details because it is NOT my intention to cause my parents upset, a few things must be said.

Throughout this trip, I was forced to keep my mouth shut and not utter one single word in my own defense or my child's defense.  I knew that if I were to say something, the shit would fly and since I was a guest in someone's home, I would never intentionally allow this.  This was seriously much harder for me then I had anticipated.

My child was subjected to some pretty horrific behavior and it made him extremely upset.  It makes me upset just thinking about it.  I feel as if I failed to protect my boy from someone who he should never need protection from.  It's just devastating really....

Differences in parenting styles became alarmingly clear and not in a good way.  Listen, I am and always have been one to say that we all do things differently and that there's nothing wrong with that.  Hello!  If I want others to respect the way we parent and our life choices, I should be offering the same in return. But in this case, the behavior that I was witness to is NEVER ok.  Never.

I was left extremely disappointed in people I have always admired.  Well crap.  Doesn't it just suck when you realize that those you love and admire have flaws?  Like- BIG FLAWS.  Yeah, it wasn't good.

I was prepared for a certain amount of chaos and excitement.  Travelling with 11 people will do that...but I wasn't ready for the reality of the situation.  I am truly saddened by the behavior that others feel is acceptable and it hurts my heart to think that there's an entire generation of parents raising up their children to think this type of behavior is OK.

Currently I have all these thoughts and emotions just tumbling around in my heart and my head.  In truth, I'm having a hard time processing them.  But through it all, there were some really great affirmations that were reinforced for me and the husband.  So in an effort to end this blog post on a positive note, I want to share them with you all now.


What I Know to Be True:

• My husband is simply the best.  He jumped in to help whenever there was a need.  He supported me, he was there for the kiddo, he held my hand when I needed him close and he stayed quiet in an effort to keep peace.  He did this for me.  Words can't even describe what it feels like to have a man like this in your corner.
• Our decision to keep our child away from public school and his "peers" was completely reinforced on this trip.  There's simply no reason for children to treat each other this way and I'm so thankful that our child is not subjected to it on the regular.
• I do not want more children.  Good Lord but I am SO happy with our decision to stop at one child.  I totally support large families- trust me, I do!  But we are so very happy as a family of 3.  Praise Jesus I listened to my husband.
• Your behavior, your character, your actions, your words- these are yours and yours alone.  How you behave and choose to react is what will determine your character and your worth.  Sometimes, when being attacked we must stay silent.  Not because we have nothing to say but because we are good and pure of heart.  Doing what is right doesn't always mean you do what is justified.
• There's truly no place like home. 
• Moving forward, I am only doing things that will be healthy for myself and my boys.  I learned that I can't do things (like this trip) just to please others.  While I have never been a "people pleaser" we all at times in our lives have done things for the benefit of others.  However many times, this comes as a sacrifice to our own mental well being.  Never again will I do this.
• Family is not about blood.  Listen, I have some truly amazeballs people in my family.  I simply love almost every single one of them.  The truth is that family should always be made up of people who are in your corner loving you and supporting you, so when you have someone toxic in your life- it's ok to distance yourself and make room for the good ones.  Even if those toxic people are technically family- sometimes you've just got to walk away.
• Homeschooling is perhaps the very best decision that we have ever made.  Our boy has a childhood.  In an age when 10 and 12 year olds are all up in their Facebook and Instagram, he wants to play Legos and run around outside.  His innocence is still there and for that, I will forever be thankful.
• I will not be a party to other's judgement and jealousy.   
• I am so in love with my own little family.  Goodness but we live a truly blessed life.  I have a husband who I love more and more each day- I simply can't get enough of him!  I have a child who frustrates me and makes me laugh.  I am a Wife, a Mother, a Teacher, a Writer- I am ALL THE THINGS that I've always wanted to be.  How many women get this opportunity to live out their dream?  My life is seriously so beautiful and full.

To wrap this up, I simply want to say that Family is hard.  I have yet to meet a single person who had a perfect family and extended family.  Perfection doesn't exist.  With that being said, family should only ever be made up of good things.  Even if you're fighting and at odds, if you're coming from a heartfelt place- it is good and worthwhile.  We must learn, and I pray this comes with age y'all, when to keep trying and when to simply walk away.  We don't have to subject ourselves and our children to toxic people- we just don't.

I have so many things to be thankful for and most certainly on that list is my family.  We are blessed to have some great people by our side, gracing our table, being an important part of our child's life, making memories, sharing, loving, laughing....all the good things that make up a real family.  These are the people that we will focus our love and attention on.  

As a side note, many of you might remember my post over on the Facebook page a few days prior to Thanksgiving.  Tragically, a friend and co-worker of the husband's died suddenly in his sleep right before the holiday.  So in the midst of all this family crap and trying to be THANKFUL and deal- we had this sudden loss to process.  Many times there are no words for the feelings just that they are so deep and so raw.  Can you even imagine his family and their loss?  It's just too much to even think about.

How can you not come home and see your own life in a different way after something so heartbreaking and tragic?  

You can't.  

You shouldn't.

This is my advice to you all.  Life a life full of goodness and light.  Unapologetically- live your best life, your way.

Thanksgiving Food Past

I was looking back at some of my old Thanksgiving food photos and couldn't believe some of the great things I had made.  Seriously- was I ever this awesome and on top of my game?!?

It seems like in the last few years, I just don't have the energy to go above and beyond.  Perhaps it's the fact that I'm busier now more then ever before.  Or maybe it's the constant homeschooling, cleaning, working, child caring and so on.  It wears on you and after awhile, I think we all just throw up our hands and say, "No More!"  I served green salad as the veggie dish for last year's Turkey Day for goodness sakes!  Ugh.  Gross.  Clearly I'm losing it.

So this year, I vow to get my Mommy Mojo back!

But before I do that- I want to share some photo's of Thanksgiving food past.  Yes, it's true...I used to be this awesome.

Let's start with these adorable bite sized pumpkin pies.  How cute are these?!?

Turkey cookies for the kiddos- complete with candy corn "feathers".

Shut the front door.  It's a fruit appetizer that looks exactly like a Turkey!

Up next- these adorable "Acorn" donut holes for Thanksgiving breakfast.

And finally, the Pumpkin Mousse Tart with graham cracker crust.

So clearly I am more then capable of tackling the Thanksgiving table.  I suppose I've just gotten burned out.  I think we all have moments in our lives where we "fall back" and simply take a breather.  But in looking at the last couple of years- I really haven't been putting forth the same amount of effort as I have in years past.  But you guys, this year- I'm gonna ROCK IT!

Happy Thanksgiving Friends!  May your table be as bountiful as your beautiful life on this day and every day after.

Death for Halloween

Halloween is a big deal for us.

But its not just about Halloween night, it's everything leading up to it.  The pumpkin patch a few weeks before, picking out the perfect costume, decorating the house, carving pumpkins, trick or treating with friends, taking professional photos of the kiddo in his costume, watching our favorite Halloween movies.  It's the time together and the traditions we are building.

So yeah- Halloween is kind of a big deal for us.

But you guys- this year, we've turned a corner.  In years past the kiddo has been a myriad of adorable costumed characters.  Sadly, this year when I asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween, his reply- "Death."

Umm.  What?

Yeah.  No.

And so we compromised.  That is what parenting is all about right?  Listening to your child and doing your best to reach an agreeable solution.  I am happy to report that the kiddo will NOT be dressing up as "Death" for Halloween.  I allowed him to choose his costume this year (with veto power by me and the husband) and so he's going as a creepy jester.

Bummer.

No more cute Disney characters or homemade Lego costumes.  It's all about the gross and scary now.  Close the book because that adorable chapter is done.  And so I find myself doing my very best to support and encourage the gross and scary- even when I want him to wear something sweet and colorful.

But I draw the line at "Death".

So here you go- a picture of the kiddo dressed in his Scary Jester costume.  Here's the link to order if you're interested and no- I didn't pay full price for this bad boy.  Hello Groupon!

2014 Thanksgiving Project

We aren't perfect. We aren't rich. We don't give as much as I wish we could. We can't feed all the children. We don't always have enough. We want to do more. We want to do better. We want to teach our child to have a giving & generous heart.

How do we do this?

By leading by example.

So while we can't feed everyone, we can feed one family. 

My family can put a turkey dinner on another family's table. My family can give you mashed potato's & all the trimmings. My family can ensure that another family doesn't go hungry this Thanksgiving.

And so we will.

Don't think you can do it?  I get it, money is tight and my home is no different.  So from now until Thanksgiving- the Homeschooled Housewife will be donating all of our Ebay sales to the 2014 Thanksgiving Project.  And I've already made my first donation!

I hope you'll think about donating to a deserving family this Thanksgiving. Scary Mommy Nation, which is a totally legit charity, has put together this wonderful and heartwarming project.  With one goal in mind- feed those in need this Thanksgiving.  And if you are one of the many families struggling to put this special meal on the table- there's a link for you to sign up to receive these wonderful blessings. 

From one Mama to another- your babies will NOT go hungry this Thanksgiving.  Together, we can make a difference, one meal at a time.

Please visit this website below for more information.  It is seriously SO easy to donate.  Click the link to the project site, click the link to "donate" and BOOM- you're done.  By the way, you do NOT have to donate $50,  Give what you can, but please think about giving.  When we give, we receive far more in return.

http://www.scarymommy.com/the-2014-thanksgiving-project/

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Click here to read an update on the 2014 Thanksgiving Project.  

Thankful Tree

I posted a photo of our Thankful Tree over on the Homeschooled Housewife Facebook page.  I had several folks ask me how to make one.  So here it is- step by step instructions to make your very own Thankful Tree!

Step 1:

Cut out your tree "trunk" using brown paper grocery bags.  Remember back in the "olden days" when we would use these brown paper sacks to cover our school books?  Make the cuts in the bag just like you would for a book cover, simply cut off the bottom of the bag and unfold the sides to make one long strip.

Cut along the side.  Then completely cut the bottom of the bag off.

Next, you can trace a tree trunk design or do it free form, I prefer free form.  Just cut wavy lines and a wider base at the bottom.  I use 2 bags to make a nice long tree trunk.

Step 2:

Tape your pieces together and attach to your wall.  Make sure you are using tape that won't ruin your wall paint!  Holy Moly would the husband be pissed if I damaged the walls!

Use 2 bags for the trunk.  Create the tree
branches using the leftover scraps.

Step 3:

Use the scraps from your tree trunk to cut out tree branches.  Again, you can create a design and then cut or just wing it.  Can you tell I'm a fan of winging it?

Make sure that you have different size branches.  Make some longer, some shorter, some fatter, etc.  I also like to tape two branches of different sizes together to create a "V" shaped branch.  This will make your tree look more natural.

Step 4:

Outline your tree in black sharpie, especially if you have brown, beige or tan colored walls like I do!  This will make your tree stand out against your wall color.

Step 5:

Cut out leaves in Fall colors.  I prefer the Maple leaf because it provides more room to write your thankful message.  Here's the template I use that you can download.  For the leaf paper, I just use some of my son's construction paper and spend an afternoon cutting out leaves and watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel.  Good times!

Make sure that you cut out enough leaves for everyone in your family for the month of November.  Don't forget to cut out extras for guests and visitors!

Step 6:

Each day have everyone in your family write their Thankful message.  Ours look like this:  I'm Thankful for___________.  William 11/15/2013.  Don't forget to sign and date them!  I also give any visitors to our home the option of writing their own Thankful leaf.  They can either take the leaf home with them as a reminder of what they are thankful for or put it on our Thankful Tree.

One Week into November & our
Thankful Tree is looking great!

TIP- Each year I keep the old leaves and make a garland out of them.  It's awesome to watch my son's handwriting change through the years and see what everyone is thankful for- now that is a truly beautiful thing!

Why I DON'T Buy GMO Free for Halloween

It's no secret that I'm a bit obsessed with the foods my family eats.  Just a bit....

However it may come as a surprise that when it comes to Halloween, I relax my rules.  I buy all the "good stuff" and by that I mean- Snickers, Kit Kat's, Reese's, Twix and more.  Yes, I know that these brands have way too many chemicals and I know they contain GMO's.  Relax, I know.

But here's another thing that I know- my son will go Trick or Treating and come home with a huge bucket overflowing with all this junk.  And when I look back and remember those precious years spent enjoying Halloween, I do NOT want him to remember that Mommy took away all his good candy.

GMO Free Alternatives

So instead I have chosen to simply pick and choose my battles.  I allow this GMO filled candy into my home and I pass it out to all the sugar pumped Trick or Treaters- just as many other parents do.  But let me be very clear- this is the ONLY time I buy these candies.  I have also imposed strict rules on candy consumption.

I firmly believe in the 80/20 rule.  If I can keep 80% of the foods in my home organic and GMO free then I consider myself a success.  I don't stress about the remaining 20%.  I have given myself permission to relax and let my son enjoy Halloween- GMO's and all!

Now- if you just can't do it, which I totally understand, you can click this link here to read about 12 GMO free treats to pass out on Halloween night.  Whatever you decide, I wish you a safe and fun Halloween!

Halloween in Pictures

I love Halloween.

There- I said it.  Halloween, Fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas....ah, it's my favorite time of the year.

When I met my husband over 13 years ago, he didn't much care for Halloween.  We went to a few party's and did the obligatory "couple's costumes" but that got old real quick.  After the birth of our son, the way we celebrate holidays changed.  No longer was it about kegs, loud music and sexy nurse costumes.

So today, I want to share with you something that we have done just about every Halloween and I'm so very glad we did!

Seems simple really and I'm irritated that the thought didn't occur to me until my son was 2 1/2 years old.  But here it is- each year we take a professional photo of my son in his Halloween costume.  Seriously, when you spend $50-100 on a costume that is only worn once, seems fitting to make it a bit more memorable.  I only wish I had thought of it sooner!

William's very first Halloween photo was when he was 2 1/2 in his Nemo costume.  That year he became obsessed with Nemo.  He watched the movie just about every day, was running around quoting lines from the movie and so when it was time to pick out his costume- it was a no brainer- Nemo!

William "Batman" age 5 and Lucky Dog "Robin

In the years that have followed, William has taken pictures as Pluto clutching his Mickey Mouse stuffed animal, Lightening McQueen, Batman with his trusty sidekick Robin, Sorcerer Mickey to commemorate the year we went to Disneyland for Mickey's Halloween Party and a Lego.  This year we've turned a corner in the costume department and he's dressing up as something scarier- a Zombie.

Every year I frame William's picture and bring it out of storage as part of my seasonal holiday decor.  William loves seeing his costumes from year's past and I have to say, that it's pretty awesome to see them as the years go by.  All too soon, he'll be grown and dressing up won't be cool anymore...What a great way to remember a fun time in our life!

July 4th- It's NOT the President's Birthday

Driving in the car the other day, William asked me how many more days until the 4th of July.  Nothing new- we've been counting down since mid June.  But when I said, "America's birthday is in 6 days" his immediate reply was "it's not America's birthday Mom! It's the President's".  Hmm...no. Not quite child.  Clearly this Homeschooling Mama has failed in the teaching of the true meaning of the 4th of July.

So I set out to teach him.  I put some books on hold at the library and looked up some YouTube videos.  Seriously- every proper homeschooling Mom needs to utilize the library & YouTube!  But then I thought- does William know the true meaning behind any of the holidays?  I like to think he understands Christmas and Easter, but let's face it- Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are more present in my home then Jesus is.  And so begins the real dilemma.  How does one go about teaching the true meaning behind each holiday?  And further more- is it really necessary?  Seriously- do you know why we celebrate St.Patrick's Day?  I know we all love pinching those unlucky folks not wearing green & enjoy getting shnockered on Guinness (blech!) but what's it really about??  And what's up with Valentine's Day- that's not even a real holiday!  How about those lesser known "B list" holidays, like Earth Day & Flag Day?  Arbor Day anyone?  A busy Mom could drive herself crazy trying to celebrate each one.  And let's not forget other cultures and their holidays.  I sure would like my child to have a basic understanding of Kwanzaa & Yom Kippur and other holidays- wouldn't you?




William & his Firework Swords

I know that when William gets older and looks back on these celebrations, it's the traditions he will remember.  Blowing things up with Daddy.  Making ice cream sodas with Mom.  BBQ with the grandparents & neighbors.  Trips to the Indian Reservation for the "good" stuff.  Staying up late, eating too much junk food, making the "snakes" grow, dancing on Pop-It's, having Sparkler wars and more.  Does it really matter that for now, he thinks it's the President's birthday instead of America's?  Hey- at least he still thinks it's someone's birthday, right?

So I decided to give myself a reprieve.  I'm not the worst Mom ever- I've still got time to teach him.  And let's face it, if he went to a "normal" school, he wouldn't be learning the true meaning of any holiday.  Jesus who?  And for goodness sakes, what is a Fall Festival? Seriously??  Sad but true my friends.  Sad but true...

So I relaxed....and then a wonderful thing happened.  He started reading those books.  He started asking me questions.  He wanted to learn and so he did.  "Mom, is the White House in Washington?  Mom, is Obama the President of our country?  Mom, how old is America?  Mom, who bakes the cake for America?"  That last question was my favorite and indeed a good question.  I don't know son- lets google it.

Has this ever happened in your house?  This my fellow parents is called  Unschooling.  The radical idea that children can learn from their environment.  No formal anything- nada, zip, zilch.  And it's amazing!  You as parents provide the tools, the materials, the books, the YouTube videos, the opportunities and your children learn.  Simple as that.  Man, do I love when this happens!

Now as we approach The President's America's Birthday- William knows just a little bit more about it then he did last week.  For me, that's good enough.  And perhaps, we will bake that cake for America.  It is her birthday after all.


Happy Birthday America!