My thoughts on this "family" Thanksgiving trip we took are pretty raw still. I went into this trip with massive amounts of trepidation but was hoping for a peaceful journey. The reality is that we all, kiddo included, came home from this trip just a bit broken. We learned some very sad lessons probably made even more devastating by the fact that it involved those who are a part of our family. Family is hard y'all....
HARD.
While I don't wish to get into details because it is NOT my intention to cause my parents upset, a few things must be said.
Throughout this trip, I was forced to keep my mouth shut and not utter one single word in my own defense or my child's defense. I knew that if I were to say something, the shit would fly and since I was a guest in someone's home, I would never intentionally allow this. This was seriously much harder for me then I had anticipated.
My child was subjected to some pretty horrific behavior and it made him extremely upset. It makes me upset just thinking about it. I feel as if I failed to protect my boy from someone who he should never need protection from. It's just devastating really....
Differences in parenting styles became alarmingly clear and not in a good way. Listen, I am and always have been one to say that we all do things differently and that there's nothing wrong with that. Hello! If I want others to respect the way we parent and our life choices, I should be offering the same in return. But in this case, the behavior that I was witness to is NEVER ok. Never.
I was left extremely disappointed in people I have always admired. Well crap. Doesn't it just suck when you realize that those you love and admire have flaws? Like- BIG FLAWS. Yeah, it wasn't good.
I was prepared for a certain amount of chaos and excitement. Travelling with 11 people will do that...but I wasn't ready for the reality of the situation. I am truly saddened by the behavior that others feel is acceptable and it hurts my heart to think that there's an entire generation of parents raising up their children to think this type of behavior is OK.
Currently I have all these thoughts and emotions just tumbling around in my heart and my head. In truth, I'm having a hard time processing them. But through it all, there were some really great affirmations that were reinforced for me and the husband. So in an effort to end this blog post on a positive note, I want to share them with you all now.
What I Know to Be True:
- My husband is simply the best. He jumped in to help whenever there was a need. He supported me, he was there for the kiddo, he held my hand when I needed him close and he stayed quiet in an effort to keep peace. He did this for me. Words can't even describe what it feels like to have a man like this in your corner.
- Our decision to keep our child away from public school and his "peers" was completely reinforced on this trip. There's simply no reason for children to treat each other this way and I'm so thankful that our child is not subjected to it on the regular.
- I do not want more children. Good Lord but I am SO happy with our decision to stop at one child. I totally support large families- trust me, I do! But we are so very happy as a family of 3. Praise Jesus I listened to my husband.
- Your behavior, your character, your actions, your words- these are yours and yours alone. How you behave and choose to react is what will determine your character and your worth. Sometimes, when being attacked we must stay silent. Not because we have nothing to say but because we are good and pure of heart. Doing what is right doesn't always mean you do what is justified.
- There's truly no place like home.
- Moving forward, I am only doing things that will be healthy for myself and my boys. I learned that I can't do things (like this trip) just to please others. While I have never been a "people pleaser" we all at times in our lives have done things for the benefit of others. However many times, this comes as a sacrifice to our own mental well being. Never again will I do this.
- Family is not about blood. Listen, I have some truly amazeballs people in my family. I simply love almost every single one of them. The truth is that family should always be made up of people who are in your corner loving you and supporting you, so when you have someone toxic in your life- it's ok to distance yourself and make room for the good ones. Even if those toxic people are technically family- sometimes you've just got to walk away.
- Homeschooling is perhaps the very best decision that we have ever made. Our boy has a childhood. In an age when 10 and 12 year olds are all up in their Facebook and Instagram, he wants to play Legos and run around outside. His innocence is still there and for that, I will forever be thankful.
- I will not be a party to other's judgement and jealousy.
- I am so in love with my own little family. Goodness but we live a truly blessed life. I have a husband who I love more and more each day- I simply can't get enough of him! I have a child who frustrates me and makes me laugh. I am a Wife, a Mother, a Teacher, a Writer- I am ALL THE THINGS that I've always wanted to be. How many women get this opportunity to live out their dream? My life is seriously so beautiful and full.
To wrap this up, I simply want to say that Family is hard. I have yet to meet a single person who had a perfect family and extended family. Perfection doesn't exist. With that being said, family should only ever be made up of good things. Even if you're fighting and at odds, if you're coming from a heartfelt place- it is good and worthwhile. We must learn, and I pray this comes with age y'all, when to keep trying and when to simply walk away. We don't have to subject ourselves and our children to toxic people- we just don't.
I have so many things to be thankful for and most certainly on that list is my family. We are blessed to have some great people by our side, gracing our table, being an important part of our child's life, making memories, sharing, loving, laughing....all the good things that make up a real family. These are the people that we will focus our love and attention on.
As a side note, many of you might remember my post over on the Facebook page a few days prior to Thanksgiving. Tragically, a friend and co-worker of the husband's died suddenly in his sleep right before the holiday. So in the midst of all this family crap and trying to be THANKFUL and deal- we had this sudden loss to process. Many times there are no words for the feelings just that they are so deep and so raw. Can you even imagine his family and their loss? It's just too much to even think about.
How can you not come home and see your own life in a different way after something so heartbreaking and tragic?
You can't.
You shouldn't.
This is my advice to you all. Life a life full of goodness and light. Unapologetically- live your best life, your way.
