Regrets on Being a SAHM

I recently came across this article, Why I Regret Being a SAHM by Lisa Endlich Heffernan and I found my lip curling as I read it.  Seriously, I made the stinky face.  The stinky face you say??  You know, the involuntary reaction that your face makes upon hearing something offensive or smelling something foul.  Oh yes...THAT face.

Let's me first begin by saying that I view Motherhood as the single most important job that I will personally ever have.  My career is so low on the priority list that it can't be seen from under the mountain of dirty laundry.  However, that does NOT mean that I don't understand and appreciate the viewpoints of traditional working Moms.  Your career is very important to you and you've worked hard to get where you are today.  I get it, I understand it, it's just not for me.  I should also point out that I have always worked in one capacity or another.  Being a full time stay at home Mom is a luxury that we just can't afford.  So it is with both viewpoints that I approach this touchy subject.

The first reason that the author gives for regretting her decision to become a full time SAHM- the feeling of letting down those before you.  Hogwash I say!  Why in the world would Gloria Steinem or anyone else for that matter, care that you choose to stay at home with your kids?  We can all appreciate those who came before us.  You ladies fought the good fight and for that, I'm grateful.  What this means for me, is that I can choose to work or choose to stay home.  The struggle for equality in the workplace gave me and other women the ability to choose.

The 2nd reason- she uses her driver's license more then her college degree.  Now this is most definitely a valid reason.  You've worked hard for that college degree, not to mention you've paid a buttload for it.  While I did go to college for roughly 2 years, I lacked focus and ambition.  I knew that I wanted to be a wife and mother.  A college degree is not required for that, so I chose not to waste my time or my money.  If you decide to go to college and pay the overinflated cost of tuition, then please- by all means, get your money's worth!

And that leads me to the next reason- her kids think she did nothing.  Umm...excuse me?  How exactly would your kids think you didn't do anything?  Do they not see you cooking, cleaning, running errands?  Are they not present when you read stories to them or comfort them when they are sick?  You're in the trenches, first man down and all that jazz.  And let me just point out that if you GO to work everyday, you're kids certainly aren't a witness to anything you do there. Pft.  Stupid- let's move on.

The 4th reason- I worried more.  Oh My Goodness.  The theory that because you don't have "work" filling up your time so therefore you now have more time to worry is crazy.  A worry wart is a worry wart.  No amount of free time will change that.

My favorite reason is up next.  I slipped into a more traditional marriage.  Ohh...I love this one because I personally feel that all marriages function best when they take on traditional roles.  I know, I know...so old fashioned of me and most definitely something I will discuss in another post.  But to this, I reply- what's SO bad about a traditional marriage?  No one person can do it all, right?  So it's certainly nice to know that while one person goes out and brings home the bacon, someone else is there to cook it up!

Still with me here?  We have reached reason #6- I became outdated.  This is of course a very valid reason IF you have plans of ever returning to the workforce post kids.  However, you know it's coming.  You know that if you take 20 years off, things will change.  Technology changes by the minute!  Geez- get off your butt and take a computer class or something.  The great thing about life is that we are always learning and even Moms can learn new things too!

Woohoo!  We've come to the last and most ridiculous reason of all- I lowered my sights and lost my confidence.  Listen ladies- if you decide that you are somehow inferior because you are "just" a stay at home Mom, then that's on you.  I just don't have a lot of sympathy for those who want to wallow in self-doubt.  You're fabulous.  You're a great Mom.  You can do anything you desire.  Either believe it or not but don't blame being a stay at home Mom as the reason you don't believe in yourself.

Have you figured out by now that I don't agree with this article?  There are of course some legitimate points made for those who plan to return to work someday.  It's always a good idea to keep your foot in the door. So for those ladies planning to head back to work after the kids are grown- I suggest you look into part time work in your chosen field.  Perhaps even an internship or some sort of volunteer position that will keep you active and engaged.

However, if you're like me- a career Mom....well really, I have no regrets.  My job is my child.  And I know I have the best job in the world.


Chrissie "hard at work" being a Wife & Mom

Homeschooling- The Road Less Traveled By

This year has been a struggle.  There, I said it.  It's been rough.

It seems that when you decide to homeschool and start on the path less followed, that folks believe its alright to point out your shortcomings & everything you're doing wrong.  You're sheltering your child.  You're too overbearing.  It's not natural.  You're a horrible wife.  You're ruining your child for any kind of normal life.  You're turning him into a Momma's Boy.  You're not teaching your child the right things.  You're teaching your child the wrong things.  You're making a huge mistake.  You can't choose his friends.  You can't limit who he spends time with.  You need to get a real job.  What's so bad about public school?  You're wrong!  You're wrong!  You're wrong!

Ugh!  Crap Almighty!  It's difficult to not become weighed down by the opinions of others, isn't it?  Especially when these opinions are in such contrast with what you believe is the right thing.  And this is where I've personally struggled the most this past year.  Don't get me wrong, I love the support we receive as a homeschooling family.  Many, many people tell me all the good things I'm doing for my child and how they wish they could homeschool too.  Validation is nice, yes.  But what do you do all about the crap people are slinging your way?  How do you respond to all the negativity?  And just when I start to feel as if I've successfully dodged the latest poop flinging, another slingshot load is heading my way.  Why is this?  Why is it that people think they get to voice their negative opinions on how I raise my child?  Why all the judgements and harsh words?  Is our choice to homeschool really so weird?

Now, I realize that we have very clear beliefs and opinions on how to best raise William.  But that's the beauty of it all, he's our child.  And if you've read any of my other posts, especially this one then you know why we homeschool.  We've made these choices because we believe they are the best ones for our family and for our son.  We don't expect others to make the same choices.  But we do expect them to respect our choices.  In fact, we know most people would never consider homeschooling.  And really- that's ok.  It certainly takes a special kind of "crazy" to follow this particular path, doesn't it?

Maybe in a few years all the negative, judgemental comments will fade.  Maybe not.  But I can't let the harsh opinions of a few impact the choices we make today.  Instead, we have chosen to remove the negativity.  We have decided to give the gift of our absence to those who don't appreciate our presence.  Simple as that.    It's devastating when people you know become people you knew but I just don't see another solution.

Ooh- that's harsh you say.  Cold & decisive.  Well, yes.  Yes I suppose that it is.  Homeschooling is not easy.  It is a tough road to travel and most especially when you don't have the support of everyone around you.  Maybe in a few years, the road less traveled will not seem so rocky.  Perhaps those naysayers will see the difference homeschooling has made in William's life and seek forgiveness for their actions and unkind words.  Or not.  All I know for sure is, that this is our road.  This is our path and we are the ones following it.  So when you come to that fork in the road, which path will you follow?  Will you be brought down by all the judgements & negativity?  Will you buckle and choose the road everyone thinks you should follow?  Or will you forge ahead?  Steadfast in your decision and following the road less traveled by?

 

Chrissie's Top 5 Homeschooling Myths

There are a few things that irritate me more then they should.  Many of those things come from a long list of homeschooling myths.  I'm sure you've probably heard a couple of them....perhaps even believed a few....that's alright, I'll forgive you.  But only if you read this and promise to never believe the myths again.

So here's my top 5, in no particular order.

1.  What about socialization?
Ugh! Nothing bugs me more then an uninformed public school Mom asking me if my child is appropriately socialized.  So I must confess that I've become a bit, shall we say, "snarky" in my reply to this question.  The reality is that homeschoolers are better socialized then their public school peers.  Say what?!? I know, I know...but it's true.  Click here to read a little more about this but here's my short version. Public school kids spend all day, every day in a classroom filled with other kids who are almost identical to them.  Think about it....20-30 (or more) kids of the exact same age, from the same general neighborhood, same basic demographic & social background are the kids your typical public schooler is exposed to on a daily basis.

A homeschooler socializes with a wide range of people.  For example, William's peer group consists of younger kids that I occasionally babysit, kids in his classes at Edmonds Heights who are normally 3 grade levels apart, parents and grandparents of his friends at school, his own grandparents who visit us several times per month, his aunt who we live with, the neighborhood kids one of which is several years older then William and until recently- my co-workers at my part time office job where William went to "work" with me several days per week.

These are his peers.  He's comfortable around ALL people.  He can hold a conversation with your grandma or with your 2 year old nephew because he does it every day, all day.  He knows how to behave in every situation from the grocery store or a friend's 100th birthday party.  He knows this because he lives this.  He goes everywhere with me and interacts with everyone that I interact with- all day, every day.

2.  Oh- you must be very religious to homeschool.
Well sorry to burst your bubble folks, but we aren't.  At all.  It is very possible to homeschool for reasons other then religion.  So I'm sorry, but I don't have 10 sister wives, I don't wear a bun and old-fashioned dress and I don't homeschool because we are religious.  Many do and that's great.  That's just not the reason we homeschool and it sure would be nice if people didn't assume things.  Right?


3.  Something must be "wrong" with your kid.
Can you believe some of the things that come out of people's mouths?!? No filter I tell ya!  So yes, something's definitely wrong with my kid but it has nothing to do with homeschooling.  Child never listens and does as he's told- but I digress.  Seriously, can you believe that some people actually ask this question.  The real answer is- it's none of your f*&%*&* business you *&%$#&! But the nice answer I give to people is- no, there's nothing "wrong" with my kid.  <Insert patronizing smile here>  I can only assume people who ask this question think homeschooled kids have some sort of handicap that keeps them from learning in a "real" school.  Ha! If they only knew what a "real" school was doing to....ok, yikes, I'll just stop right there....

Yes, some children need the individual attention that comes from homeschooling.  But all children thrive in this environment.  And there's nothing "wrong" with that!

4.  You must be very smart to teach your children.
Why thank you...I am very smart.  I'm a genius, sometimes.  But like most folks, I could be a whole lot smarter....but I manage to get by. 

Let me ask you this- when your child was learning to speak, did you think to yourself- "how am I ever going to teach my child to talk? I don't have the proper education".  Or when they started singing their ABC's, did you panic and say "how am I ever going to teach them to write their numbers & letters? I don't have a Master's degree." Of course not!  You weren't worried about your education level then, so why would you worry about it later in their life?
The good news is that you don't have to be a genius to teach your children.  You just have to care and put forth the effort.  Yep, that's it.  And of course when they thirst for knowledge outside of your "genius level" well...you find someone who can teach them! Currently hiring tutors for Physics and Trig, in about 7 years....

5.  Homeschool Moms are SuperMoms.
Sometimes when telling other parents about our lifestyle, I see this glazed look of disbelief cross over their faces.  You do what?  You spend how much time with your kid?  You make all your food from scratch?  You taught your child to read?  You work from home and bring in a full time income?  And so on and so forth.  But let's be honest here- I'm just like any other Mom.  I still yell, I forget to feed the dogs until 9pm on a weeknight (sorry pups!), I warm up veggie chicken nuggets & fries for dinner because I'm too tired from my crazy day and on & on I could go.  See, I'm just like you.  The only difference is that I've made a different choice for my family.  My path is just as hectic and full of struggle as your path is- I'm just heading in the opposite direction.  And that's ok.

So there you have it!  My top 5 homeschooling myths.  Would you add anything to this list?  I'm sure given enough time I could come up with another 5 or 10...perhaps for a different post....

Summer Homeschooling

Schools Out for Summer!!!  Oh wait- we homeschool year round.  Ack!  You do what?!?  Seems like even in the homeschool community we are freaks.  Oh well, what else is new?

We are currently in our week long "detox" from school.  William is pretty much doing whatever he wants while I am finishing up my first week at my new job.  Thankfully it's a work from home thing (yes, there are a very small amount of legit ones!) so I can be home with William while he explores his FREEDOM!  This week he and Buddy Dog have been digging holes all over my backyard. 


The start of the cavern

Which has only succeeded in making the hubby extremely pissed.  An angry husband battling the "man-cold" is not fun.  Pray for me folks!  So with that, William & Buddy Dog have decided to focus their digging efforts on one large dirt pile.  Currently we have the mini cavern, complete with kiddie pool roof.  Excellent creativity my child, excellent!

In addition to starting my new jobby-job, I have been putting together our summer schedule.  Let me first just say that I love schedules.  I love everything about them!  Writing them down on paper, crossing things off when I've done them, highlighting the most important items, making a to-do list and so on and so forth.  Weird, huh.  Oh well, I'm over it.

We are eclectic homeschoolers which simply means that I pull William's curriculum from many different places.  During the school year he attends Edmonds Heights a couple days per week.  This year his classes included metal arts, pottery, marital arts, science, math, musical theater and a drop in open lego lab.  Fun, fun and fun!  William also participated in the Homeschool Swim & Gym class at our local YMCA, he loved it!  And let's not forget soccer and the weekly trips to the library.  For his bookwork at home, we use Scholastic grade level workbooks that I bought from Costco.  Yep, Costco.  I freakin' love Costco for workbooks!

$6.99 at Costco!!!!

Buddy Dog loves helping William with his workbooks

                                                                                       I keep several workbooks in a cute basket on my kitchen bar and he spends 40 minutes per day in the workbook of his choice.  Sometimes he likes to do all math problems, other times it's reading comprehension- but the point is that William picks what he wants to learn.  Finally, each day William is required to spend 40 minutes reading quietly.  He is currently working his way through the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and has been known to spend an entire afternoon finishing a whole book.  Yay for a child that enjoys reading!!!
So that's just a bit of what our "normal" school schedule looks like.  How does our summer schedule differ from our school year schedule?  Well....I'll tell you!

William is still required to complete his 40 minutes of workbook time and his 40 minutes of daily quiet reading.  But that's pretty much where the strict schedule ends.  This year I've found a wonderful schedule plan from Pinterist.  Ah, how I love me some Pinterist!  I'm currently working on figuring out how to adapt this great summer plan to our homeschooling life.

• Monday is Make Something Monday.  Think crafts, recipes, homemade playdoh etc.
• Tuesday is Take a Trip Tuesday.  Anything from taking a trip to the farmer's market, going to the movies or even down the street to the park.  
• Wednesday is Wet & Wild Wednesday.  The water park, local pool, or even your backyard kiddie pool and sprinkler.
• Thursday is Thinking Thursday.  This day is for science experiments, fun projects, math games or even trips to museums or the library.
• Friday is Free Day Friday.  Freedom, freedom, freedom to do whatever you please.

In addition to this schedule, I want to take advantage of some great summer programs offered in my area.  Do you know about the $1 movies at Regal Cinemas?  How about the fun summer programs offered through your local library?  And let's not forget that many museums offer free days.  FREE days!!!  Whew! This summer is shaping up to be BUSY and I still have to find time to actually work.

What will you be doing this summer?  Lazy days poolside? Summer camps, vacations?  If you're a homeschooler or even if you're not- I encourage you to use this summer break to your fullest advantage.  Summer is a time for creative play, imaginative learning and fun, summer activities.  Watch out summer- here we come!
 

Canned Chili & Rice - Isn't That Nice!

Is your house like my house? 

We have finally finished up the school year at Edmonds Heights and I must confess, those last 3 weeks- I was limping along.  William had projects to finish, a martial arts belt ceremony to perform in, Fall registration was coming up & he couldn't register until I magically turned in his out of district variance form, I could NOT find that missing library book & I forgot to pre-order his yearbook so now he was screaming at me that he wouldn't get a yearbook.  How oh how would he ever remember the second grade without one?? 

And on top of all William's school stuff- I interviewed for & got a brand new job.  As in a REAL job.  Mommy has a "jobby job" now.  WooHoo!  And of course we've also been battling the dreaded "Man Cold".  Moms- you know the one....

So it should come as no surprise that dinner is low on the priority list.  Seriously....this last couple months I'm struggling to get dinner on the table.  I just don't have the desire to feed people AGAIN.

Which is really not the norm for me.  I love cooking and baking so I just don't understand what is wrong with me!  Well, last night was no exception.  Listen up Busy Mommas! Have I got a gourmet delight sure to please your entire family!  One can of chili & a pot of rice.
We like Amy's brand chili- yum! And if I'm getting fancy, I may even chop up some green onions, grate a little cheddar cheese and open the container of sour cream.  Ha! How have I come up with this culinary concoction?!?  Desperation.  Pure and total desperation.  But at least it was organic....hmm....nice try....

So my canned chili and rice had me thinking...what else do I "cook" on a regular basis that's more like fake cooking.  Let's count the cheese enchiladas that I made tonight for dinner.  Have you ever made cheese enchiladas?  One bag pre-shredded cheese, one 15 oz can enchilada sauce and corn tortillas.  Yep, you counted that right, that's 3 ingredients and none of which actually require any real cooking.  Oh and I serve it with a big can of vegetarian refried beans.  My boys love it!!

I try not to feel guilty for serving a few quick & easy meals.  But rather choose to take comfort in the fact that I've chosen a good quality organic cheese for my enchiladas & vegetarian, organic beans.  Oh who am I kidding??  I don't feel guilty at all!  A can of organic chili w/organic jasmine rice is a WHOLE lot better then hitting up the fast food joint and getting a bad case of TBS.  You know...Taco Bell Syndrome.

So tonight, as I sit here with a belly full of cheesy enchiladas and delicious canned refried beans, I think to myself....I got this.  That dinner was awesome!  It was mostly healthy and well balanced.  It was 80% organic and mostly GMO free.  And most importantly, it was budget friendly.  If I were a math goddess, I would tally up the total cost, subtract by number of servings, divide by 12 and multiply by the total content of whatever and tell you exactly how much that meal cost.  But I don't have time for that nonsense and will instead just point out that the last 2 dinners I've made have been cheap & easy.  Not unlike some folks I went to high school with....

So yes, canned chili and rice- isn't that nice!