It's Our June-A-Versary!

This month marks fifteen years with the husband.  FIFTEEN YEARS.  So Wow, that's kinda big.

We've officially been married for 11.5 of those 15 years- because hey, that half a year is super important right!  There's so many things that I've learned in this time with my man and you just know I'm going to share it with you all here!



#1-

We are stronger together.

Like, for reals.  He's my person and I need him.  It's OK to just admit that- I need my man.  I need him by my side when I walk into a room full of strangers.  He needs me to navigate so he can focus on driving.  I need him to be a strong Father to our son, he needs me to nurture and mother.

But the other part to this is that not only do we need each other- we are better when we are together.  Sure, we are pretty kick ass rocking the single checkout lane but put us together and we are simply unstoppable.  We are a team, in all ways.



#2-

What it feels like to love and to be loved.  

The love from a parent or other family member is completely different than the love of a spouse or a partner.  This person can at any moment leave- they are NOT obligated to love you but rather choose you.  Above everyone else, they choose you.  Over and over, day in and day out- THEY.  CHOOSE.  YOU.



#3-

The knowledge that this man will ALWAYS have my back.

It might be quiet and steady and other times its fierce in its protection and shelter.  He might tolerate you because he has to, he might be cordial or downright rude- this man does what he needs to do.  He guards my heart just as he protects my body- with his own.

#4- 

It takes a strong man to love a strong woman.  

Marriage is hard, like seriously HARD.  To be a strong leader and head of the household takes amazing strength of character.  Just as allowing someone else to lead is a great lesson in humility, grace and love.

When both people are strong willed, stubborn and fiercely opinionated- it takes work to make it work.  To ebb and flow so that at times one person can lead while one can follow.



#5-

To see someone's darkness, to share your own & to still love unconditionally.  

To be vulnerable and to still be loved, faults and all- is simply the greatest gift of all.  To lay yourself open for another being and to trust them with your deepest weaknesses and be rewarded with their love- it's just life changing.

Putting aside your fears and insecurities and being present and real.  To show someone that quiet you, that resides softly in your soul and to have them say, "I love you just as you are"- words can't even describe it.


#6-

What it feels like to have a forever friend.  

The husband and I are best friends.  For over fifteen years I have shared, laughed, loved, cried with him by my side.  To know that I will always have that is truly a special thing.  To have the greatest friend in your corner- cheering you on, calling you on your bullshit, making you laugh, sharing a drink, venting about crappy people...yeah, it's good stuff.

To have this for a lifetime- wow.


#7-

Patience.

So yeah.  'Nuff said.


#8-

How to truly forgive and how to ask for forgiveness.  

It's said that those we are closest to have the power to hurt us the most.  We all know this is true of any marriage.  When you share a life together, it will get messy.  It's not all rainbows and glitter- life is yucky sometimes.  Being a good partner means you're willing to admit when you've done wrong.  Being an even better partner means you are quick to forgive- like, REALLY forgive.

Quit holding on to the bitterness.  Let go of the anger.  Give your person grace and understanding and say, "I forgive you."


#9-

That love is in the everyday.  

Sure, grand gestures are great.  Who wouldn't love that shit?  But love shows up in the everyday.  When I make the husband's lunch or he brings me up a bowl of ice cream at night.  A sweet flirty text to let him know I'm thinking of him or when he watches a chick flick on the Netflix with me.  It's there.  Everyday.  Showing up.

Don't take your love for granted.  Most people can spend a lifetime searching for this forever kind of love and you've found it.  So recognize that sometimes love comes in softly and that sometimes that's even better then the big and the grand.


#10-

Normal is overrated.  

You might be shocked to hear this but NOTHING and I do mean, nothing about the husband and I could ever be called "normal".  We are not normal people.  We don't follow a normal life.  We do things differently.  Always have, always will.  And yet- despite what people thought about us, here we are 15 years later, proving that you don't need normal to have a successful marriage.

Look us- succeeding and shit.  Dearest Naysayers, tell me again what marriage number you're on again?  Exactly....normal is boring.  Love is what matters.

Fifteen gorgeous years.  It's truly been an honor to be called his WIFE.

Unplug Yourself

These last four weeks I have taken an unintentional break from the computer and online world.

You see, first my cell phone stopped working.  It's basically just a phone now that dials and receives calls- but don't leave me a voicemail or send me a text because I won't get it!  Then while I was updating my laptop, I somehow caught the lovely virus known as, The Automatic Repair Loop.  Fabulous.  And finally, my Ipad decided to freeze up on me.  Not good.

Since I work from home Monday through Friday, I NEED a working computer and Internet connection.  Otherwise I can't work.  I was happily limping along on my Ipad but when it hit the crapper, I knew it was finally time to drag myself back into the "real" world.

Gah.

However, in these last few weeks, I've learned quite the lesson.  Which is of course that sometimes we need this break from the constant technology.  It's been so nice not having to listen to a mountain of voice mails- both work and personal.  Although I'm sure work would heartily disagree.  The freedom that comes with not seeing the barrage of text messages or weeding through the spam in my email in box has been very liberating.  But perhaps the best thing of all has been all the free time I have suddenly found myself with.  I'm not mindlessly surfing anymore and that gives me more time to devote to my family.

This lesson comes at a perfect time.  Ironic though it may be- this article has been floating around social media the last week.  And wouldn't you know it, it's all about how social media is ruining marriages for this generation.

Say what?!?

I'll summarize.  In it, the author states that marriages fail because of five main reasons.  Those being, lack of sex, financial hardship, disconnect, selfishness and you guessed it- social media.

Can we just step back for a moment and take a common sense approach to marriage?

If you are lying, cheating and spending more time on Facebook than with your spouse- yes, you will encounter marital discourse.  If you are rude and selfish- I hate to say it but no one, spouse included, will want to spend any time with you.  And for heaven's sakes- figure out your finances right quick so they aren't the reason your marriage fails.

You guys- this isn't that hard.  We can do this.  Seriously- our grandparents did it, our great grandparents did it- we should be able to as well.  Right?  The only difference between the generations before us and the one we currently live in is the fact that we are constantly plugged in.  Computers, laptops, cell phones, Ipads, nooks, apps, blogs and the latest- the Apple Watch.

Get off the technology.  For the LOVE OF GOD, just simmer down.  It's too much.  It's everywhere.  It's constant.  It's not necessary.

While I completely agree that marriages can fail for any number of reasons- in my opinion they are not successful because we simply don't view them as sacred.  Somewhere along the way, we stopped seeing marriage as holy matrimony and more as an item to check off our To-Do List.

Prior to my month long technology reprieve- I was still bringing the Ipad into bed with me.  Surfing the funny cat videos and reaching the next level on Candy Crush was more important than cuddling with my husband.  Or least, this was the message I was sending out loud and clear.  I was not making my time with my husband a priority, it simply wasn't sacred anymore.

Gah.  I'm ridiculous.

Can we just all agree to unplug from the screens and plug in more to real life?  Target your attentions on the people who are present and less on the people through the computer.  Social media and technology is great but there's a time and a place for everything.  And let me just tell you that if it's causing strife in my marriage- it will be gone.

So yes- I took a month off.  I stopped blogging.  I spent WAY less time on Facebook and I didn't even glance at Instagram or Twitter once.  Seriously- not even once.  Oh- and I'm still not texting because all my phone can do is call people.  What is this?  The 1980's?!?

And it was good.  Unplug yourself, before you wreck yourself.

Sweatpants Cause Divorce

Whoa.  Miss Eva Mendes certainly stepped in it now....well, that was my first thought upon hearing the title of this little article.  Then of course I thought- well isn't that just a bit silly.  Ms. Eva Mendes- you aren't even married and yet, here you are, giving advice on marriage.  Hmph.

But then I had a good, long think about it.  The surprising reality is that she's not wrong.  Listen- there's LOTS of things that cause divorce.  Finances probably being at the top of that list but sadly, infidelity isn't far behind.  Cheating, stepping out, looking the other way, emotional affairs, etc- these are now the norm in our society.  So can we just stop for a moment and think about what leads to these things?

Babies.  Lack of intimacy.  Loss of physical interest or chemistry.  Emotional distance.  Poor morals.  Constant fighting.  SO MANY THINGS you guys....

Perhaps Ms. Eva had a very good point.  Frumpy leads to dissatisfaction which leads to wandering eyes which leads to infidelity.  Or at least for some it can...it's not necessarily the sweatpants themselves that lead to divorce.  That's just silly.  But I will say that a lack of effort on either spouse's part can definitely contribute to marital strife.  When we stop putting forth our best for our spouse, we show them that we no longer care.  We show them that they are simply not worth the effort.

Here's what I mean by this-

My husband personally LOVES my long hair.  I'm over it.  It's a ton of work- it takes me approximately 30 minutes of blow drying, straightening and product to get it even close to the way he likes it.  For a busy Mama like me, that's a lot of time you guys.  As a result, I don't wear it this way very often.  However, I always try to wear it this way for my husband whenever we have a date night or a special day to ourselves.  And you guys- he notices.  Every.  Single.  Time.  My effort is appreciated.

This is a perfect example.  Simple and perhaps a bit silly- it's only hair after all, but I think you all get the point.  When we take the time to invest in our own beauty (inward and outward) we express to our spouse that they matter.  They are worth the time, they are worth the investment and that we want to look our best for them because they deserve the best.

Now tell me- what's so wrong about this?

My husband loves me no matter what I'm wearing.  Of course he does.  But I'm sure he would be the first to admit that his heart skips a little when I put forth the extra effort.  Just as mine does when he takes the additional time to look his best.  We are visual beings and how we look does matter.  I'm sorry but it does.

Let's recap-

Ms. Eva, you certainly shocked us with your strong statement.  However, there's a really excellent point here.  Marriage takes work.  All kinds of work.  And yes, looking good for your spouse should be on this list.

Here's what I personally know-

My marriage does better when the husband and I have physical intimacy.  My marriage does even better when we have lots of physical intimacy.  Looking good is part of that.  Putting forth the effort to make yourself attractive to your spouse leads to more physical intimacy.  Which leads to a happier marriage.  It's simple but effective.

The other aspect of this is about pride.  I want my husband to be proud of the woman that stands beside him.  If I'm looking like a hot mess- what image am I portraying?  If I continuously walk out of the house in sweatpants, no makeup and messy hair- I am putting forth the idea that I'm not only not proud of myself but that I'm not proud of my marriage.  Who I am reflects on who my husband is and at the end of the day, I want him to be proud of his wife.

So can I encourage everyone, husbands and wives, to start putting in a little extra effort?  The yoga pants and sweats are OK- every once in awhile.  But they shouldn't become your normal.  Men- can you put on some yummy smelling cologne and a collared shirt?  Wives- how about some nice jeans or a dress?  It's not that hard, it just takes time.  And if you won't take the advice from the non-married Ms. Eva Mendes, how about from me?  We've been married 11 years and together for 15 years.  We are more in love today then when we met.  Sure, we still have our issues but I wake up each day and vow to do my best.  Whether that's in how I care for my family, what I wear, through my heart and attitude, in lifting up my husband- I try my best.  Many days I fall short but that doesn't mean I will ever stop trying.  My husband is worth it.  Our marriage is worth it.

Is yours?