Parenting Is Hard Yo

So I just want to talk about parenting and judgment for a hot second here.  Parenting is hard, like the single most difficult thing I've ever done beyond being a wife.  Because Marriage y'all.  But here's the thing, we are all in this parenting boat together.  So when our kids experience strife with one another, why can't we as grown ass people, handle it calmly and rationally?  Why must we become raving lunatics when it comes to our children?

Sometimes our kids suck.  Sometimes they make bad choices or are unkind towards others.  Our children are not perfect.  Nope.  And when they make mistakes, it's legit OK for us to call them on it, encourage them to do the right thing, apologize if necessary and move on.  What is not OK is for us to behave as if they walk on water and can do no wrong and then project this image towards the outside world.  I'm talking about when we "defend" our kids to other parents here when they are clearly in the wrong.  It's perfectly acceptable to say that our children are flawed, that we are doing they best we can and that they are still learning.

But you guys....this has not been my experience.  When dealing with other Mama's, they become irrational.  Full on crazy y'all.  How can you have a calm parenting convo with CRAZY?  You just can't and so nothing ever gets resolved.  Nothing.  Ever.

And what exactly does this teach our children?

On the flip side, lets talk about judgment in parenting.  So many times people look at the husband and I and make snap judgments about how we parent.  Good Lord but I'm sick of this business.  We are raising our child with old world values, kindness towards others, manners, respect for your elders and so on.  You know, the good stuff from ages gone by.  And I can't tell you how many people are SHOCKED by the kiddo's behavior.  They weren't expecting him to be so polite, so gracious, so honest and forthcoming.

Hmmm....why?  And interesting question for sure.  Perhaps they weren't expecting our child to be good?  Preconceived notions y'all....

Is my kid perfect?  Of course not.  Are we perfect parents?  Never.  Do we look the part of perfection? Nope.  But what we are is ACTIVE in our child's life.  While we admittedly parent differently than the majority of people do now, we try our best.  Parenting is hard enough y'all without being constantly judged for doing things a little out of the mainstream.

Moving forward, here's my hope for us all.

Can we please just chill out a little when it comes to our kids?  Everyone is so quick to condemn, to cast judgment, to voice negativity without truly giving each other a chance.  Not a single one of us is perfect or has all the answers, on this I think we can agree.  So the next time you have conflict with another parent, just take a step back, BREATHE and remember we are in this together.  A little grace and understanding will go a long way.  And for all that's holy, please try not to cast judgment upon others.  We all come from different places and approach this parenting business in a myriad of ways.  And that is totally OK.

Parenting is hard yo.

Nothing Like a Baby....

To make you loose your shit.

With Mother's Day fast approaching...OK, it's tomorrow, Mother's Day is tomorrow- I wanted to take a moment and reflect on Motherhood.

Growing up, I used to dream of my future family.  My dream man and the perfect, adorable and well behaved children we would create together.  We would live in a fabulous yet not ostentatious home that featured a washing machine that magically washed, dried and folded the clothes and a stainless steel kitchen that conjured up steaming plates of mac and cheese with the touch of a button.

A said it was a dream, right?

Ok, so clearly my 10 year old mind had a touch of the "fantastic" but what I nailed hands down was the feeling of my family.  The feeling of love, of belonging, of rightness- yeah, I said rightness.  You guys, this feeling is here.

I'll be honest- the little girl dreams look nothing like my reality.  I work all the time. Like, all the time.  We homeschool.  Ummm....yeah, never thought THAT would happen.  My kitchen appliances do not match- I repeat, my appliances do not match.  There's no magical washer and dryer.

But I've got my dream man.  Only, he's flawed.  Like seriously, big time, flawed.  But here's the thing- so am I.  And I have my perfect, adorable child who just so happens to have a very stubborn and independent streak with hints of authoritative defiance but oh- the most beautiful blue eyes.

Motherhood is not what I thought it would be.  

I thought I would be a different kind of Mother.  I thought I would be more patient, more soft, I thought I would cry less, battle less, struggle less.  It's just nothing at all like I imagined it to be and yet- it's everything I ever wanted.

Every night, I tell my child that I love him.  Even when he's frustrating the ever loving crap out of me, I still love him.  I let him know this.  All.  The.  Time.  And you guys- most times he tells me he loves me too.

This is Motherhood.

Soul deep unexplainable love for the little creatures that cause so much havoc.  Unending patience and forgiveness.  The desire to make each day better than the last.  The ability to oversee the unwound toilet paper rolls winding down the stairs, the mud splatters on the wall and the cracker crumbs on your shirt sleeve.  The knowledge that even if you're wearing silk and their hands are covered in mud, you will still reach in for that hug.  Every.  Single.  Time.

This is Love.

And most times it's very different from the dream.  It's better.

Motherhood is NOT a Contest!

My husband and I have made some pretty extreme choices when it comes to raising our son.  Many of them are unpopular among those who know us.  You simply can't make these choices if you were bothered or easily offended by someone else's opinion.  And for the most part- we aren't.

But here's what really irritates me- when I explain our choices, people seem to get upset or feel like we are judging them for not making the same decisions we have.  Now this- this is ridiculous.

Yes, we homeschool.

Yes, we eat organic foods.

Yes, we limit TV and video games.

Yes, we believe in being honest with our son.

Yes, we are very overprotective and aware of our son's safety.

But here's the thing- we recognize that everyone makes different choices in how to raise their own kids.  So when I'm talking to someone about why we choose to eat mainly organic foods, it's simply me sharing our story.  And yes, perhaps I can open your mind a bit to the dangers associated with conventional foods.  However it doesn't mean I'm taking stock of what's in your fridge and judging you to be lacking simply because you don't do what I do.  And when I tell people we homeschool because we want something better for our son and because it's the right choice for our family- I understand that it may not be the right choice for your family.

The flip side of this is that I truly don't get offended when someone questions the choices we have made.  I've had some pretty outrageous conversations with people through the years.  One person actually told me that they didn't "believe" in organic foods and that they were no different they any other foods in the grocery store.  They ended this enlightened conversation by calling me stupid for wasting my money.  Ha!  Now this was honestly more humorous then anything.  Clearly, no amount of research is going to change this person's mind.  That's fine- you do what you feel is right and I will do what I feel is right.  And that's simply all there is to it.

I don't judge you for buying pretzels at the mall or bathing your child in hand sanitizer.  I don't care if you take your 12 year old to a restaurant and they need an Ipad to calm them during dinner.  Want to take the kiddos along on animal rights protests?  Encourage them to run a marathon?  Raise them with a vegan diet or let them wear shorts and flip flops in the middle of winter?  Allow them to eat McDonald's chicken nuggets every Friday night.  Ban all TV, Internet and video games?  Go for it!  Let's stop comparing ourselves.  You do things differently then I probably would and that's ok.

Wouldn't it be great if we could listen and learn from other Mother's instead of getting so easily offended?  Seriously- where do you think I found out about Coconut Oil?  And what about Elderberry?  I've learned a lot from other Moms.  Sure, sometimes it's lessons in what NOT to do but many times, there's valuable information here.  If I got offended because another Mom was surprised that I didn't know what Elderberry was- I never would have been encouraged to do my own research and incorporate it into my family's life.  There's no shame in learning from others.

It's not a contest to see who is the better Mother but rather about being the best Mom to your child.  If you are doing what is right for your kids, then you are an excellent Mother.  End.  Of.  Story.