Raising Kids With a Giving Heart

Parenting is hard mmkay....Seriously, SO difficult.  In these times of instant gratification, it can be even more challenging to raise kids that are normal and well adjusted.  Well....as normal as normal is, right?

As the husband and I go through this season in life, we often look to the future.  What kind of man do we want our child to grow up to become?  What are some faults we see within ourselves that we don't want to repeat with him?  How can we do better?  What direction do we want his life to take?  We have the wonderful privilege to raise this child and to shape him for his future.  We acknowledge that we can't make his choices for him and we know that he will have differing opinions then we might.  But that's the beauty in raising an independent thinker.  They think for themselves.

Above all, there is one thing that we strive for as we raise this precious gift.  We want him to be good and pure of heart.  We aren't perfect and we certainly aren't expecting perfection but rather- we expect goodness and light.  Wow.  Let's just think on that a moment.

So how do you go about raising a child with goodness and light?  Heck if I know!  Ok, that's not entirely true.  We know a little and we are still learning a lot.  Someday, hopefully- we will get there.  But in the meantime, there is one simple thing that we are doing and I know that it's making a huge difference in the kiddo.

We are raising our child with a giving heart.

A few weeks before Christmas, the kiddo came to me and said, "I have a budget for what I want to spend on Christmas gifts Mom and then with the rest of my money, I want to give it to the less fortunate kids."

Insert puddle of Mom here.

But seriously- this happens because we model the behavior that we want him to exhibit.  We give back.  We help others.  We are action minded.  And by simply doing, we teach him how to do.

Some examples?

December is our busy month.  We help out local families through giving trees, we take the kiddo to pick out toy donations for Toys for Tots and we volunteer our time to put together Christmas stockings for homeless kids in our area.

The kiddo LOVES to pick out toys
for other kids!

But it's not just about charity.  We do our best to model the behavior year round.  We believe in rescuing animals and we are slowly becoming more active in our local, Rat Terrier Rescue organization.  We regularly donate used clothing and household items, the husband takes the kiddo with him when he gives blood, we help to raise money for those in need through our Ebay page.  The husband once stopped traffic to rescue a turtle for goodness sakes!  Throughout it all, we are ever conscious of the fact that our child is watching.  He sees us helping others.  He sees us giving our time, our money and our love to those in need.  Even if it is a tiny turtle- it matters.  Giving back matters.

As the kiddo continues to get older, we hope his desire to help will continue to grow as well.  He genuinely loves volunteer work and he has a passion to help, especially kids who are just like him.  We want him to learn that if you have helped just one person (or animal) then it has all been worth it.  We want him to know what it feels like to make a difference and to realize that he CAN make a positive impact on the world around him.

Sometimes it's not enough to talk, we must do.
Photo of the husband & kiddo stuffing
stockings for homeless kids.

So yeah.

We are raising our child to have a giving heart and I have to say that it's been pretty amazing so far.

Family Is What You Make It

This last weekend we had a long overdue conversation with the kiddo about some family issues.  Gah.  I seriously hate talking about this stuff sometimes.  We had put this particular convo off for several years and unfortunately by not speaking clearly with him about it- we were just adding to his confusion.  So when the kiddo received a Christmas gift from someone who is no longer a part of our family, we knew that we had to address this issue.

I won't go into details here because, well....some things are private.  And because I'm pretty sure these people are reading this blog in addition to stalking the Facebook page and I simply wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction.  Ah yes- good times.

But I will say, that what we decide to do has and always will be with our child's best interests in mind.  We feel that certain people are unstable.  We've seen the proof of this time and time again.  We've endured lies and anger.  We've dealt with bitterness and games.  But we are adults.  Our child is not.  And there will never be a moment when we will allow this crap to leak its way into our child's life.  So if that means that certain people are no longer a part of our family, while it's sad, that's simply the way it has to be.

We took some time to really talk about the concept of family.  What should a family be?  How should they behave?  What makes up a family?

The answer- there is no perfect ideal of what a family looks like.  Sometimes it's made up of lifelong friends and sometimes you have 6 Grandma's and no Grandpa's.  Family is goodness and love.  It is NOT anger, lies and manipulation.  Many people in your family will not be related to you by blood and many times, those that are technically your blood, are truly not your family at all.  A very hard concept indeed.

Family is what you make it.  The people who are in your life because they deserve to be there.

We discussed that sometimes it's necessary to guard your children (as we've been doing with the kiddo) against those who seek to do harm.  Inflict harm on an innocent child?  I know right?  It's disgusting.  Many times you must also protect your marriage from the individuals who wish to see it destroyed.  I just can't even fathom who would be crazy enough to think they have the power to break up a happy marriage.  But alas- there are some who do.  As if leaving someones name off on the Christmas card will do the trick, right?  Sorry folks, it's not as easy as wishing them away, they aren't going anywhere and it's simply a childish game that says more about the kind of person you are and why you are no longer a part of their family.  Family shouldn't talk behind your back.  Family shouldn't judge you.  Family should never cause you physical harm.  Family should apologize and forgive.  Family should follow through on promises.  At the end of the day, it's OK to let go of this negativity so that you can let in your true family.  The only people who should be a part of your life are those that have earned the right to be there.  So if the aren't here- its probably because they don't deserve to be.

I won't lie- this has been a very difficult lesson for us and it's been very hard to talk to the kiddo about.  It is heartbreaking when people you once loved seek to hurt you.  Even more so when they play games and lay guilt trips on you.  Ah yes- welcome to the land of lies and manipulation in the name of "love".  Yeah- no thanks.  We pass.  If you've ever experienced something like this, you know how truly devastating it can be.  It's hard you guys.

So yeah- we finally talked about it.  It was heavy and it was good.  It was time.  And it was right.

Family is what you make it and we have a pretty awesome family.

We Like Chemicals In Our Food

Sigh....

Let me paint you all a picture.

It's Christmas Day and there's 25 people gathered around the tree.  Babies, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins- all ages.  We are eating, laughing and opening presents.  The perfect image of Christmas right here in this very living room.

Sounds great right?

And then this happens-

Family Member #1- I made a really great meatloaf the other day.  So good.

Me- You wouldn't want to hear about the meatloaf I made recently.  It was a lentil loaf.  I keep trying but I just can't get it right.

FM#1- Yeah, no thanks.  Meatloaf should have meat.

Me- It wasn't too bad, just needs a little work.

This was attempt #3- almost but not quite there.

Family Member #2- No one wants to hear about your lentils.  We don't make fun of your lentils so don't make fun of our food.  We like chemicals in our food.

And then FM#2 proceeds to storm away in a huff all while mumbling about "liking food with chemicals."

Sigh....

So here's the deal folks.  I completely and 100% get that not everyone is going to eat the way my family eats.  I also completely understand that many people don't believe that there's anything wrong with our food system.  I wish this weren't the case and while I do my best to share what I know, I do also respect that other's may have a difference of opinion.

However- I should be able to have a lighthearted conversation about the disaster that was my Lentil Loaf without someone taking offense and throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old.  If you follow me over on the Facebook page, you've probably seen some of the disastrous outtakes from said Lentil Loaf.  I've been trying for well over a year now to perfect my recipe but sadly, it's still a no-go.  Seriously- not good.

Comments like the above are frustrating sometimes but they are also really great learning lessons.  Not about food mind you but about the way in which people behave.

In this situation, I was not having a conversation with FM#2- at all.  This person felt the need to butt in and make a snide comment for no reason other then to be rude.  I was also not making fun of those that "eat chemical food" because the reality is that my family does still eat junk on occasion.  I would never intentionally make fun of anyone and their choices.  Seriously- I wasn't even talking about chemicals in the food but rather my disastrous attempts at making Lentil Loaf.  It's just not me.  And finally, this person walked away without giving me the chance to respond- which tells me they really weren't interested in what I had to say at all.

Sometimes the things people say and the way in which they behave says more about them than it ever will about you.

What I know without a shadow of a doubt is that the chemicals, pesticides, insecticides etc in our food are harmful to our health.  The full spectrum of exactly how much is still being determined.  What I also know is that food that is found in nature, untouched by "science" is best.  Food from the earth.  Without any added crap.  So why not simply eat that food?

I talk about it often.  I share what I know and I'm constantly learning more.  I can't help it- I am passionate about our food system and what is happening in our current society.  It's SO wrong and people's lives are being negatively impacted as a result.  I want my family to live a nice, long and healthy life.  I want my friends to raise healthy children.  I want our future generation to outlive their parents.  But with the way things are going- I don't see that happening and frankly, it all comes down to the food we are putting into our bodies.

We simply must start paying attention.  We must make better choices.

So yes- while sometimes I love the chemical food too, I try not to eat it every day at every meal.  Sometimes ignorance is really not bliss.  You can't keep eating McDonald's every week, slathering everything you eat with the chemical cocktail that is Hidden Valley ranch dressing and cooking up your Tyson chicken nuggets and expect to live a long and healthy life.  You just can't.  And while I get that it's hard for people to make changes, I'm here to tell you that if my family can do it- anyone can!

If you're interested in learning more, please check out a recent post I wrote about GMO's.

Teach Them That Its OK

Whew!

So yesterday I posted over on the Facebook page a quick little convo between me and the kiddo.  We were leaving the YMCA after participating in musical chairs with dogs, yeah- I said dogs, when the kiddo noticed a boy walking down the street.  "Mom, that's a boy!  Why is he dressed like a girl?"

My reply was simple and so completely on target with what we are personally teaching our son, "sometimes boys dress like girls and sometimes girls dress like boys and that's OK."

The response to this brief exchange was instantaneous and it was most certainly divided.  Half of you expressed that it was clearly not OK because God didn't intend for boys to dress like girls- they should be the boys God made them.  While the other half agreed that it was in fact, OK.

I have to say that I was personally very surprised to find such a divided front.  Mainly because I wasn't saying boys shouldn't be boys and girls shouldn't be girls but rather that we should teach our children to be OK with who they are and to accept others the way they are.  For the husband and I, this message of love and acceptance seems to go hand in hand with our journey as homeschoolers.  We want people to accept and respect what we do but shouldn't we in turn offer this same level of understanding and acceptance?

Here's the thing, we aren't perfect people and we sure as shit aren't perfect parents.  Not a single one of us.  We make mistakes.  We have preconceived notions and ideas concerning some people, we inadvertently pass along our judgments to our children, we make snap decisions regarding those we don't know, we judge based upon looks- it happens.  But don't we as parents have a responsibility to teach our children to look beyond the outward appearances and get to know the people underneath?

Who knows what this boy who was dressed as a girl is currently going through.  This may be a huge cry for attention, perhaps they are questioning their sexuality, trying to fit in with a certain group- seriously, who knows.  And yes, while I do personally think that boys should dress like boys, it is simply not my place to judge.  Because if one day, my child came to me and said that he wanted to wear a skirt to school, I want to be the kind of Mother who accepts him, embraces him and allows him the freedom to be himself.

Our message is one of love and acceptance.

It's OK to love who you are just the way God made you.

It's OK to accept others for who they are.

It's OK to be a strong male in today's gender neutral society.

It's OK to offer your acceptance even when you don't personally agree.

It's OK to embrace your gender roles.

It's OK to be you.

It's OK.

Because if we teach them that it's not OK, what are we saying to our children?  That who they are is wrong?  That is simply not a message I want to give my child.  Love and acceptance for the win.

Gifts Every Mom Secretly Wants for Christmas

Moms....ah, the givers of life and of gifts.  Seriously, when was the last time anyone ever asked me what I want for Christmas?  And then actually bought it for me?  I know...right?

So here it is, a list of gifts that we all want but don't ask for....

1. A house that stays clean for at least 24 hours after cleaning it.  Seriously, what's the point of cleaning when your husband and kids will just trash it again in 10 minutes.  10 minutes people!
2. Kids that put themselves to bed.  Just once I'd love for the kiddo to be like, "Oh would you look at that Mom and Dad, it's bedtime.  Love You and Goodnight."
3. A year off from hosting Christmas.  For the love of God- I just want to not have to host every single Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years.....and on and on it goes.
4. A body double.  So yeah- how cool would that be?  A woman who looks just like me who could do all my chores while I'm laying in bed sleeping?  Oh and if she could bring me coffee, that'd be great.
5. Jewelry that I want but didn't pick out myself.  If I have to circle it in the catalog or put it on hold for you to pick up, there's really no point.  Just pick out something I like that doesn't cost a freakin' fortune.
6. No flu for Christmas.  Thank you very much.
7. Pets or musical instruments from gift givers.  I mean seriously- who gives live animals or musical instruments without asking permission first?  Who?!?
8. My bits and pieces from 15 years ago.  Sigh....my boobs used to be the shit and then I had a kid.  Oh well....sorry husband.
9. A kitchen that makes dinner.  Umm....hello?  Can we just talk about this invention that needs to be invented?  
10. No more coupons books.  I really don't need a lifetime of hugs and a handful of kisses.  Can you just buy me a real gift?  Please?
11. No bills.  For one month wouldn't it be great if all the people/companies I owe money to just decided they were going to give me the wonderful gift of a "freebie".  Yeah, that'd be great.
12. Hand lotion that didn't come from the dollar bin at Target.  I mean...really.
13. An entire day to myself.  No screaming, no sandwich making, no laundry to fold and for the love of God- no whining.  Just leave me be for a whole day, is that too much to ask?
14. The ability to wear my 4 inch heels again.  And silk.  Oh how I miss silk.
15. For my child to believe in Santa forever.  Can you just....please?
16. A self cleaning house.  And car.  And kids.  And husband.  And dogs.  Yeah- just push the button and away it goes.
17. Opie and Jax under my Christmas tree.  Mmkay....
18. To never step on another Lego in the dark ever again.  Thank you very much.
19. The ability to go shopping and actually browse.  When was the last time you went to the mall without any hands grabbing at you, no meltdowns, no one complaining they were dying of boredom....
20. Excellent health.  And by health I mean cocktails. 

We All Hold a Piece of Wonderful

What we have is special, it's wonderful and unique and belongs only to us.  It's the laughter in our children's voices, the strong arms of your husband, the house you make a home, the furry babies who add joy and comfort- its ours.  Our own little piece of wonderful.

The thing with wonderful is that in one second it can all disappear.  Wonderful is fragile and it can be taken from us in an instant.  When this happens, this is when we are tested.  Our marriage is tested, our happiness, our moral compass, our family- all of it, put to the test in that one moment.

I'm not talking about everyday frustrations here, like missing your flight or not getting your Christmas bonus.  I'm talking about events that happen in the blink of an eye, that change everything.  Everything.

My hope for you all is that you'll never have a moment like this, a moment so heartbreaking that it shakes your foundation to its core.

Three years ago, the husband and I had our moment.  It's not something that I talk about often and many people aren't aware of what happened.  To be honest, it's very painful for us and extremely difficult to talk about.  But I feel like it's finally time to share just a bit of it with all of you because it's a huge part of who I am now.  Three years ago, our child was hit by a car.  He was seriously injured, spent several days in the hospital and will have lifelong health issues.  Lifelong.

That's all I'm going to say on the accident portion of things.  This Mama just isn't ready to talk about that day yet.  But I'm sure you can imagine that there is nothing worse then holding your broken baby in your arms and simply not knowing.  It's the not knowing that gets you and if you've ever been through this, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

My purpose in sharing this with you is to offer you hope.  It's coming from someone who has been there.  It's real.

Our child was broken.  My husband was broken.  I was broken.

But here we are, three years later and we have our wonderful back.  In that moment, that split second when everything changes- you wonder if you'll ever get it back.  How can you possibly do this?  Will things ever be right again?

So that day, I had my cry.  Ok- I had more than one cry.  I held my baby.  I wrapped my arms around my husband.  And I decided to fight.  I fought for my child.  I pushed his broken body to heal, I held my husband up when he couldn't, I kept my family together and I said, "We fight".

This will not break us.

Did you hear me Lord?

This.

Will.

NOT.

Break.

Us.

We fight.

Because the truth is, when things like this happen- life and death things, the only choice you have is to fight to get your wonderful back.  Things have a way of becoming crystal clear in moments like this because there is simply nothing else that matters.  No one understands that you are currently in the middle of the fight of your life.  In your world, time has stopped.

You will be tested.  Your husband will be tested.  Your family, your marriage- everything.  All of it is suddenly put on the line.  In one second, everything changes.  One second.  Can your marriage survive this heartbreak?  Can you do this?  Are you woman enough to put your family back together?  What if?  Sweet Lord- the "what if's".  They challenge you in ways you can't even imagine.

But you guys- there is hope.

For those of you currently going through your fight, I have this to say....please keep fighting.  Please.  Because someday your wonderful will come again.  This I promise you.

The 15 Second Challenge

Recently I came across a story from the Time Warp Wife in which a young married man asked his Dad for marriage advice.  "Dad, what's the secret?  You & Mom have been married for over 30 years and you're still so in love."

Dad's answer?

"Every day for the last 30 years, we have kissed each other for at least 15 seconds.  Every single day.  It's hard not to stay in love when you do this."

Well that got me thinking....do the husband and I kiss for 15 seconds every day?  Umm...do we?  I mean, we kiss A LOT.  Seriously, a shit ton.  In fact, we were recently caught kissing by the neighbor girl while we were over at their house for Halloween.  "Eww, kissing."  To which I replied, "don't worry- it's OK, we're married."

BWAHAHAHA.

She is too cute.  But clearly, we kiss a lot and we aren't shy about the when or the where.  The husband is very affection and he's my man- I can love on him all I want.  And so I shall....but let's get back to that original question.  Do we kiss for 15 seconds or longer?  Are our kisses lingering?  Do they last long after the kiss is over?

Hmm...I'm just not sure.

Insert brilliant idea here!

Now, if you know me at all- you know that I LOVE a good challenge.  Seriously, I'm all about making goals and challenging yourself.  Today, I came up with a fun and super easy challenge that will hopefully do great things for my marriage.  And I'm inviting all of you to join me!

The Rules:

Kiss your spouse each day.
15 seconds or longer.
For one week.

That's it.  Seriously, how easy is this?!?

The idea here is to see if this Dad above was right- will kissing your spouse for just 15 seconds a day help you to create a long lasting and happy marriage?  Will such a small act of love have a big impact on your marriage?

Let's find out!  I'm game- are you?

Tortilla Soup

Soup is awesome!  It's easy to make, healthy, filling and usually very cost effective.  Seriously, who doesn't love soup?  This one is a favorite in our house and most times, I make it without any meat.  Thus, the reason we simply call it, Tortilla Soup.  However, it's super easy to toss in some chicken breast or even your leftover Thanksgiving turkey.  Yeah- you heard me.  I'm putting leftover turkey in our Tortilla Soup tonight!  Woop Woop!


Tortilla Soup

1 onion, diced
6 cloves garlic, diced
1 tablespoon olive or coconut oil
2 15 oz cans diced tomatoes
3 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon oregano
1/4 cup fresh cilantro
1/2 small can diced green chili's
1 1/2 cup frozen corn
2 cans black beans
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup water
1 chicken breast, optional
salt & pepper to taste

Step 1: Saute onion and garlic in oil.  When translucent, add in spices and cook for approximately 5 more minutes.

Step 2:  Add in canned tomatoes, diced green chili's, chicken broth and water.  Bring to low boil and blend with your immersion blender.

Step 3:  Now add in remaining ingredients and cook on low boil for 30-60 minutes.  The longer the better!

Serve with tortilla chips and sour cream.  SO good!

Tip- I do not drain my black beans.  The juice from the beans adds a really rich flavor to the soup. Enjoy!

Down with GMO's

One of the many goals that I had for the start of 2014 was to further eliminate GMO's from our diet.  For us, this has been a slow and steady process.  I had thought we were doing really well but I have to be honest and say, that in the last year- we've really upped our game.

My focus has been primarily on eating more local foods, further reducing the processed foods and making even more things from scratch- like breads and tortillas.  Now, we really didn't have lots of processed foods to begin with- seriously, there's no canned soups in my pantry and chips are not a staple in our house.  But there's always room for improvement, right?

Last year, we were at a steady 80/20.  Meaning that 80% of what my family ate was organic and GMO free.  Looking back, a year later and we are at a solid 90/10.  Which, if you've ever tried to do this- you know how BIG of an accomplishment this truly is!

This means that when I pack the husband his lunch for work- it is 90% organic and GMO free.  When we eat dinner at home it is 90% organic and GMO free.  The snacks we eat, what we drink, the salad dressings and other condiments- all 90% organic and GMO free.

Wow.

So why am I doing this?  What's the big deal about eating GMO's?

You guys- I'm going to tell you and I really hope you'll listen.  Your health and your children's health literally depend on it.

GMO stands for Genetically Modified Organisms.  Basically, its a plant or animal (whoa! an animal?!) that has been altered in some way.  It is not something that occurs in nature.  It is not natural and as such, we simply don't know 100% that it is safe.  So it stands to reason, that if we don't know it's safe- we probably shouldn't be eating it.

I will also point out that there have been many studies done by Monsanto to prove that GMO's are safe.  However, pay close attention to these studies.  They occur typically within a 3 month time frame and are conducted by people in their employ.  Can you say- conflict of interest?!?

On the other hand, there have been MANY studies showing that GMO's are in fact not safe for human consumption.  Most notably, the recent one done by French scientist, Seralini and his team.  The big difference between these studies and the ones being conducted by Monsanto is that the timeline is much longer- 2 years instead of just 3 months.  This gives you much more data to explore and what he and his team found, was appalling.  Tumors, cancer, kidney and liver damage are among the many increased health risks they found.

Another important point to consider is the reason behind why these companies support GMO's.  Monsanto will tell you that it all comes down to being able to feed the hungry.  They are doing a grand and noble thing by making seeds that are resistant to bugs and weeds and will therefore allow the farmer to have a higher crop yield.  More crops, means more food- right?  Seems like a really great reason, doesn't it?

But did you know that organic farming practices produces the same amount of food and is sustainable for a much longer period of time?

Wait.  What?!?

Yeah....Monsanto doesn't tell people this.  Because if they knew- I think most of us would say, "why do we need Monsanto and it's chemicals when the natural methods work just as well?"  The truth is, we don't.

Parents- I don't know about you, but I simply don't want my child eating foods that could literally kill him.  This is what GMO's will do if eaten for a sustained period of time.  Not too mention all the other side effects like behavior issues, decreased immunity and allergies.  Seriously- let's stop and think.  Our kids are growing up eating this stuff.  There has never been a time in their lives when they were NOT eating GMO's.

It's a new world.  Let's just talk for a moment about the way we grew up eating.  My parents are fond of saying, "you ate this food and you're just fine."  But here's the thing- it's not the same food.  Are you listening?  It's NOT THE SAME FOOD!  Sure, it might look the same and taste the same but the ingredients that are used to make up this food are no longer the same ingredients that they used 20+ years ago.  Ah- the old bait and switch.

The food is different.  Why?  Well major corporations have found that by using GMO ingredients and other chemicals and toxins, they can make more food for less money.  And that's it in a nutshell.  Our food system is owned by just a handful of large companies that have found a way to make more money.  They simply don't care that the ingredients in your corn flakes are now literally made up of pesticides, insecticides and fungicides.  Say what?!?

So what's a concerned Mama to do?  How do you avoid a certain type of food that is literally in every single thing you come across?  How do you get rid of the GMO's?

The only fool proof way to know that you are not eating GMO's is to buy certified organic foods.  Food companies will try to trick you into thinking you are buying the "good stuff" with words just as "All Natural" or "Made with Natural Ingredients" but the only way to know for sure is to buy 100% organic.  Now, if you're too overwhelmed by all this information flooding your brain (it's alot, I know!) then simply look for these labels when out at the grocery store.

There are other simple things you can do- like buying from local famer's who use organic farming practices.  It's not just your breakfast cereal that is contaminated with GMO's.  You must consider the meat your family eats, the dairy, the eggs, the toast you feed your kids for breakfast, the rolls with dinner, the ketchup you put on your hot dog- EVERYTHING.

My advice from a Mom who's been there- terrified, appalled and overwhelmed....start small.  Make a few small changes that you know you can stick to and simply make it a priority.  My recommendation is to start with the animals.  Anything that comes from an animal, needs to be organic.  I won't go into the horrific details of why, but trust me when I say- if you make NO OTHER CHANGES, make this one.  And if you simply must know, Google "factory farms and GMO's" but don't say I didn't warn you.

From there you can move on to produce, snacks and condiments.  One small step at a time.

It all comes down to this- when your child takes a bite of their ham sandwich, will you feel good knowing you are nourishing their body?  Or will you make yourself sick thinking about the chemicals, poisons and health risks that are contained in the meat, cheese and bread?

You can do this.  I know you can.