Why?
Perhaps the most asked question rivaled only by the "socialization" issue when it comes to homeschooling. So really- why did we chose to homeschool?
I've talked a bit about it before but the truth is that there's really no one single answer. We homeschool for many different reasons. We value our time as a family, flexibility, we believe the educational system is flawed, less homework or none at all, no early wakeups or late nights, we wanted control over the content of our child's education, the ability to shelter our child, more time to spend on things that are of interest, not worrying about conforming or following rules we don't agree with...see- told you there's lot of reasons why. And that's not even the whole list!
But no where on this list did I mention that we chose to homeschool because we don't like teachers. Not for one single moment has this ever factored into our decision to homeschool.
You see- we LOVE teachers in this house mmkay....we firmly believe that the majority of teachers are doing the best they can in a difficult situation and continue to plug along day in and day out because they care SO much about our children. Tell me- who wouldn't love someone that dedicated?
Teachers are the unsung heroes of our world. They sacrifice, they love, they provide, they heal, they support, they encourage but most importantly- they teach. In an educational system that has not worked for decades, with parents who now rely on schools to parent their children, under extreme financial hardships and the hideousness that is common core- they teach.
Just because we don't personally send our child out into this system doesn't mean we can't understand and appreciate all that you do. So teachers- please hear me when I say this to you:
Our decision to homeschool has nothing to do with you. To the wonderful and dedicated teachers out there we simply say, Thank You.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Sunday, September 13, 2015
How to Make the Most Perfect Pie Crust
I debated calling this post, "Pie Crust for Dummies" because, well....I didn't want to offend anyone. But that's exactly what this post is- a step by step guide in how to make the most perfect pie crust in the entire world for those who want to learn.
Them's fighting words lady!
But trust me, I'll deliver. I've been making homemade pies since the husband and I first started living together, way back in the 2000's. Holy Bucket but that was like 15 years ago!!! Trust me when I say that I've had some seriously epic fails. EPIC. You see- my Mom doesn't cook or bake and while my Dad is an expert cookie maker, I have never actually seen anyone bake a pie. From scratch. So I had NO idea what I was doing. Yikes!
This guide will give you the basics as well as my tips learned over the past 15 years. If you follow it, you will have the MOST PERFECT PIE CRUST and seriously WOW your friends and family. My apple pies are legendary y'all!
Pie Crust Recipe
*makes 2 pie crusts
2 1/4 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
2/3 cups unsalted butter, cold
10-12 tablespoons cold water
Step 1:
Combine dry ingredients in large bowl & make sure they are mixed well.
Step 2:
Cut your butter into small cubes (doesn't need to be perfect) and add to the dry ingredients. Use a pastry hand mixer and mush away. Do NOT use a fork. Yes, you can use one but an actual pastry cutter works so much better. Invest the $10 bucks already....
Tip- I leave my butter in the fridge until the last possible moment. The colder your ingredients are, the better!
Step 3:
Once your butter and dry ingredients are combined, you'll add in your cold water. I immediately begin by putting in 10 tablespoons but most times I end up needing all 12. Start with the 10 and see what happens. You do NOT want things to end up watery.
Tip- Your water should be ice cold. If you want to, you can even make a cup full of water and ice and take your tablespoons from here. The colder the better!
Step 4:
Mix until combined and just beginning to clump together. You will have flour down at the bottom of your bowl but as long as the majority of your dough combines, that's good enough!
Now use your hands to quickly form the clumps of dough into a ball. STOP when you get a ball formed- for the love of God, do NOT over mix!
Step 5:
Cover your dough in plastic wrap and stick it in the fridge. This is the step most people don't do but I do this for a few reasons-
#1- It keeps my dough nice and cold. Which if you've noticed, is the true secret to the most perfect pie crust ever.
#2- I am typically prepping the inside contents (ie apples, fruit etc) for the pie while my dough is hanging out in the fridge.
#3- Many times I prep my dough ahead of time and leave it in the fridge for 24-48 hours. Let's face it, I'm busy and sometimes I simply don't have the time to make an entire pie from scratch that day.
Step 6:
When you are ready to assemble your pie, remove the dough from the fridge and roll out. This recipe makes 2 pie crusts, so cut in half before you roll if you need a top crust and a bottom crust. Or if you're using this for a larger pastry and need the double pie crust, then just roll out as one.
Tip- be liberal with the flour so your dough doesn't stick and roll it as little as possible. The more you "work" your dough, the less flaky it will become.
So there you go. The MOST PERFECT PIE CRUST ever. Keep the ingredients simple, touch it as little as possible and keep everything cold. If you do all this, you'll have seriously the very best pie ever!
Enjoy!
Them's fighting words lady!
But trust me, I'll deliver. I've been making homemade pies since the husband and I first started living together, way back in the 2000's. Holy Bucket but that was like 15 years ago!!! Trust me when I say that I've had some seriously epic fails. EPIC. You see- my Mom doesn't cook or bake and while my Dad is an expert cookie maker, I have never actually seen anyone bake a pie. From scratch. So I had NO idea what I was doing. Yikes!
This guide will give you the basics as well as my tips learned over the past 15 years. If you follow it, you will have the MOST PERFECT PIE CRUST and seriously WOW your friends and family. My apple pies are legendary y'all!
Pie Crust Recipe
*makes 2 pie crusts
2 1/4 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
2/3 cups unsalted butter, cold
10-12 tablespoons cold water
Step 1:
Combine dry ingredients in large bowl & make sure they are mixed well.
Step 2:
Cut your butter into small cubes (doesn't need to be perfect) and add to the dry ingredients. Use a pastry hand mixer and mush away. Do NOT use a fork. Yes, you can use one but an actual pastry cutter works so much better. Invest the $10 bucks already....
Tip- I leave my butter in the fridge until the last possible moment. The colder your ingredients are, the better!
Step 3:
Once your butter and dry ingredients are combined, you'll add in your cold water. I immediately begin by putting in 10 tablespoons but most times I end up needing all 12. Start with the 10 and see what happens. You do NOT want things to end up watery.
Tip- Your water should be ice cold. If you want to, you can even make a cup full of water and ice and take your tablespoons from here. The colder the better!
Step 4:
Mix until combined and just beginning to clump together. You will have flour down at the bottom of your bowl but as long as the majority of your dough combines, that's good enough!
 |
| Mix until this point- just when it starts to clump together. |
Now use your hands to quickly form the clumps of dough into a ball. STOP when you get a ball formed- for the love of God, do NOT over mix!
 |
| Your dough should now look like this. |
Step 5:
Cover your dough in plastic wrap and stick it in the fridge. This is the step most people don't do but I do this for a few reasons-
#1- It keeps my dough nice and cold. Which if you've noticed, is the true secret to the most perfect pie crust ever.
#2- I am typically prepping the inside contents (ie apples, fruit etc) for the pie while my dough is hanging out in the fridge.
#3- Many times I prep my dough ahead of time and leave it in the fridge for 24-48 hours. Let's face it, I'm busy and sometimes I simply don't have the time to make an entire pie from scratch that day.
Step 6:
When you are ready to assemble your pie, remove the dough from the fridge and roll out. This recipe makes 2 pie crusts, so cut in half before you roll if you need a top crust and a bottom crust. Or if you're using this for a larger pastry and need the double pie crust, then just roll out as one.
Tip- be liberal with the flour so your dough doesn't stick and roll it as little as possible. The more you "work" your dough, the less flaky it will become.
So there you go. The MOST PERFECT PIE CRUST ever. Keep the ingredients simple, touch it as little as possible and keep everything cold. If you do all this, you'll have seriously the very best pie ever!
Enjoy!
Lentil Chili Cornbread Casserole
Lentil Chili Cornbread Casserole
For the Lentil Chili:1/2 cup lentils
1 carrot
1 green bell pepper
1 onion
6 cloves garlic
1- 15 oz can diced tomatoes
2- 15 oz cans pinto or kidney beans
2 tablespoons chili powder (less if you don't want it too spicy)
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
pinch cayenne pepper
1 cup shredded cheddar
For the Cornbread Topping:
1 1/4 cups cornmeal
3/4 cup flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg, beaten
1 1/4 cups milk
2 tablespoons oil, I use coconut
Let's start by making your lentil chili filling. Put your lentils on to boil in a separate pot with a ratio of 1:2. So for the 1/2 cup of lentils you'll need 1 cup of water. I actually add in a bit more water because we like our lentils a little on the softer side, so this means I let them boil down a little more. This should take approximately 20 minutes for your lentils to cook.
 |
| I use dried lentils, from the bulk bins or the little baggy at the store. |
While your lentils are cooking, saute your veggies in a little coconut or olive oil. Once your veggies are cooked, add in the diced tomatoes, beans and spices. Continue to cook on low for flavors to combine.
 |
| Saute onions, garlic, carrots & green bell pepper until soft. |
As soon as your lentils are soft to the touch, add them into this veggie and bean mixture. Let them simmer away on low while you prep your cornbread topping.
 |
| Combine cooked lentils & veggies, beans & tomatoes. Don't forget your spices! |
The cornbread topping is SO easy to make. Simply combine the dry ingredients first then add in the wet. Duh. Told you it was easy! PS- it will be a little running and look "thin". Not too worry, it will cook up nicely!
Now it's time to build your casserole!
I use a glass 9X13 pan that I've sprayed with Spectrum organic coconut oil cooking spray. Love this stuff! Then simply dump in the lentil chili mixture and sprinkle on your shredded cheddar cheese. You can leave the cheese out if you're wanting to make your dish even healthier. Then pour the cornbread topping evenly over the top of the lentil chili mixture.
 |
| Dump lentil mixture into glass 9X13 & sprinkle with cheese. |
 |
| Then evenly pour on the cornbread topping. |
Bake at 350 for approximately 25-35 minutes. You want your cornbread topping to be golden brown and cooked all the way through.
Allow to cool for at least 10 minutes then serve with a spoonful of sour cream and diced green onions. Yum! And because it's full of veggies and legumes, I consider this a complete meal. Healthy, homemade AND vegetarian and all in less time than it takes to order a pizza. Seriously so easy!
 |
| All done! Now doesn't that look SO good! |
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Homeschooled Housewife's List of Must Watch Documentaries
I love a good documentary! Seriously, I wait for a new one to be released with more anticipation then an N'SYNC concert back in the day. No joke.
Recently I found myself re-watching several of my favorites and of course recommending a few over on the Facebook page. A fan reached out to me and asked what documentaries I thought everyone MUST see and so of course, this list was born.
Now, a few words on this list of mine....foremost being that my list is of course centered around my passions, which are food and health. The majority of the films are about making better choices and lifestyle changes for yourself and your family. If you can't find them on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon (or you simply don't have these) then most of them can be checked out through your local library or even found online for free. No need to pay for this business mmkay....
The List
Food Inc. I'm putting this one at the top of this list because it is literally the documentary that started IT ALL for me. I watched this film way back when the kiddo was just 3 years old, shortly after it was released circa 2008. It is as poignant now as it was then. If you watch nothing else on this list, watch this one. Trust me.
A Place at The Table
That's my list for now. I hope you all have enjoyed reading through my list and I will do my best to keep it updated as I find new films worth adding.
Enjoy!
Recently I found myself re-watching several of my favorites and of course recommending a few over on the Facebook page. A fan reached out to me and asked what documentaries I thought everyone MUST see and so of course, this list was born.
Now, a few words on this list of mine....foremost being that my list is of course centered around my passions, which are food and health. The majority of the films are about making better choices and lifestyle changes for yourself and your family. If you can't find them on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon (or you simply don't have these) then most of them can be checked out through your local library or even found online for free. No need to pay for this business mmkay....
The List
Food Inc. I'm putting this one at the top of this list because it is literally the documentary that started IT ALL for me. I watched this film way back when the kiddo was just 3 years old, shortly after it was released circa 2008. It is as poignant now as it was then. If you watch nothing else on this list, watch this one. Trust me.
This movie made me stop buying factory farmed meat. No joke. I watched this movie and NEVER as in NEVER, EVER bought a bag or box or container of any factory farmed meat ever again. Best thing I ever did. Hands down.
Please know that there are points in this movie that are very graphic in nature. Hang in there, fast forward if need be but keep watching. This movie is quite honestly- life changing.
Food Inc.
Food Inc.
Vegucated. I love how this film follows three normal folks as they begin a journey of health and veganism. My most favorite thing about this is that they were hardcore meat, cheese & dairy lovers before and after just six weeks, their lives are transformed. It's so encouraging.
After watching this documentary, I decided to start moving my family towards a more vegan lifestyle. We now eat vegan dishes at least once per week and many times we are at 3 or more. For my red meat and potatoes lovin' man- that's HUGE! It's been a challenge but I'm firmly convinced that it is worth it.
Fed Up. I could NOT wait for this movie to come out! This one is all about the food industry and focuses primarily on refined sugars and processed foods and how they are making us fat. Well- they use the word obese but you guys- fat is fat mmkay. The direction of this film is clearly stating that this generation of children will not live as long as their parents because of their poor diet. It's intense and very powerful.
Fed Up
Fed Up
Forks Over Knives. This documentary changed the way my family eats. Plant based vegetarian diet is what this film is all about. But there's so much more to it! Lots of science here too and the claim that almost all degenerative diseases we suffer from can be controlled or fixed through this plant based veggie diet. So, wow.
After watching this film, we started eating more veggies. Like- WAY more veggies. Then I started getting rid of the meat at our table and incorporating more legumes and grains. We are now eating what many would call a "forks over knives" diet and it feels SO good you guys!
This film also introduced me to the China Study. If you've never heard of the China Study it was a massive study conducted throughout all of China in the 70's that focused on the correlation between proper nutrition and heart disease, diabetes and cancer. What I took away the most from hearing about the China Study was that the milk we are drinking might actually be the CAUSE of our health problems with an increase in bone fractures and a higher mortality rate. Whoa. But I thought calcium was supposed to be good for you?
Forks Over Knives
Forks Over Knives
Race to Nowhere. I recently watched this one and I'm so glad that I did. We are taking a little detour here in "the list" and talking about a film that delves into education. This documentary focuses on the pressures put upon today's young students to succeed and get into a good college. The idea that we are no longer teaching our children how to think constructively but rather to regurgitate information in the pursuit of a passing grade.
This film really gets to the heart of the issues here and follows normal families as they struggle to find the balance. It also isn't afraid to discuss sensitive issues such as depression, eating disorders and suicides among today's youth.
If you aren't homeschooling yet, this film might just help you take that leap. Our educational system is flawed and our kids are suffering.
Hungry for Change. This one is about exposing the diet and weight loss industry. There's some valuable information here and I love that they are pushing folks towards more veggies and less processed foods. You'll learn some shocking (or perhaps not so shocking) secrets and how deceptive this industry really is- but where this film really shines is through the star studded interviews. Big names in the food revolution. While it's not my most favorite on this list, it is most definitely worth your time.
Farmageddon. Loved, loved, loved this documentary. The premise is "the war on family farms" and while it does delve into this, there's so much more going on here. It's about a food revolution. Co-ops, farming practice, politics, red tape- yeah, good stuff.
This film introduced me to this thing called Raw Milk. The idea of drinking milk straight from the source and by simply doing something so many have done for generations- this makes you a rebel? Crazy business! Who knew drinking Raw Milk was illegal is so many states? It's just milk....
Farmageddon
Farmageddon
Food Matters. Well this film is about uncovering the sickness industry. You heard me correctly, the sickness industry. This was where it all clicked for me- that these doctors, labs, scientists, big pharma etc are NOT in the business of making you well. Because if you weren't sick, they wouldn't be making any money. They are in the business of keeping you sick because in your sickness, they profit. Big time.
After watching this film, I spent quite a bit of time researching more homeopathic remedies and we started seeing a naturopath instead of our family care physician. Our previous doctor (while perfectly nice) simply didn't have the time to devote to our care and too easily dolled out the prescriptions. I promise you that this film will encourage you to have a more proactive and natural approach to your health.
The Human Experiment. Following up on the last film, this one is all about chemicals. Good Lord but chemicals are EVERYWHERE. In the makeup you so carefully apply, the toothpaste you use when brushing your teeth, the plastic containers you store your leftovers in and even the comfy couch you rest your tired behind on. Chemical are simply everywhere. And that's not even taking into account the chemicals you are actually eating on your food.
This film exposes the health risks for us surrounding all these chemicals. It also features some pretty amazing people doing BIG things to produce change.
While I knew all this before watching this film, it was definitely the push I needed to make even more changes at home. This movie forced me to acknowledge that I have no more excuses left when it comes to the cleaning and beauty products I'm using in my home. Easy changes that everyone can make.
Food Chains. Where does your food come from? Do you even know? Who touched it, who picked it, who grew it, how was it transported, etc? I'm talking- the chain your food has travelled to reach you- do you even know?
This film focuses mainly on the labor worker and the exploitation of this labor industry by the major food corporations, specifically supermarkets. It is very eye opening and I promise you that you'll never view a tomato the same way ever again.
Food Chains
Food Chains
Bought. Exposing the truth behind big pharma, your food and vaccines. So much good stuff here you guys! This one delves into the idea that your family's health is not nearly as important to these major corporations as you think it is. It's all about profit for them- you are literally being bought.
For this film, it's all about the holy (or unholy) trifecta of Big Food, Big Pharma and Big Government. While I acknowledge that some of you may be turned off to this film based upon its issues with vaccinations- it is still very much worth watching. Listen and watch as a Mother tells her story of hope and heartache and tell me that doesn't move you to produce change.
Bought
A Place at The Table. Have you ever had a time in your life when you were NOT able to feed your children? This film explores the heartbreaking and very big reality for many of our nation's families- hunger.
While I knew hunger was a problem, I truly didn't realize the volume and magnitude of this issue. This film is very eye opening and will leave you in tears. Babies going hungry? Yeah- I just can't handle that. Children not developing physically and mentally as they should because they don't have proper nutrition? Sweet Jesus. It's just not right.
Bought
A Place at The Table. Have you ever had a time in your life when you were NOT able to feed your children? This film explores the heartbreaking and very big reality for many of our nation's families- hunger.
While I knew hunger was a problem, I truly didn't realize the volume and magnitude of this issue. This film is very eye opening and will leave you in tears. Babies going hungry? Yeah- I just can't handle that. Children not developing physically and mentally as they should because they don't have proper nutrition? Sweet Jesus. It's just not right.
A Place at The Table
That's my list for now. I hope you all have enjoyed reading through my list and I will do my best to keep it updated as I find new films worth adding.
Enjoy!
Sunday, August 30, 2015
The Big 2000
I woke up this AM & saw that we hit 2000 page likes over on the Facebook page. YIPPEE!!!!!
I know it might not seem like much, but this blog and Facebook page is my labor of love. I SO enjoy sharing with all of you, talking about Motherhood, challenging each other as Wives, discussing Homeschooling and everything in between. And the fact that you enjoy it too and that it's GROWING is seriously just the very best.
So a big THANK YOU goes out to all the fans. Thank You so much for being here and for being a part of this wonderful community we are growing. Here's to us all- may we be blessed with continued fellowship and friends.
I just love your beautiful faces,
The Homeschooled Housewife
So a big THANK YOU goes out to all the fans. Thank You so much for being here and for being a part of this wonderful community we are growing. Here's to us all- may we be blessed with continued fellowship and friends.
I just love your beautiful faces,
The Homeschooled Housewife
Friday, August 28, 2015
Friendship & Betrayal
I've been sitting with this topic for well over two months now. It's just hanging there, weighing down my heart and I simply don't know what to do with it. Writing helps me process- it's my form of therapy, however I didn't want to upset or offend anyone. So I've been silent in writing about this subject. But at the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me.
So let's go there.
I have the worst luck in friendships with women. There, I said it. It all started in late elementary school when a friend of several years decided we shouldn't be friends anymore. Her crazy sisters came after me, threatening me, yelling at me and really- to this day I have NO CLUE why. We eventually repaired things and remained friends for years after that. But then I hit junior high school and my BFF since Kindergarten wrote me a devastating letter telling me that she had "new" friends now and we didn't need to be friends anymore. Years later, she wanted to come back into my life and I tried, really I did- but you guys, this kind of thing....well, it leaves a mark on you. Fast forward to high school and my other BFF decided I wasn't "cool" enough to hang out with her. I guess my church going, goody to shoes behavior wasn't the right one for the pot smoking, drinking and sex crowd. Oh well....and yes, years later she too wanted to come back into my life.
These things changed me. Forever.
When people you thought were your friends, LIFELONG friends, turn on you- there's simply no going back. And so, it's left me guarded. I've found myself having a hard time making friends with other women, especially women my own age. However, I get along GREAT with the over 60 crowd mmkay...
Recently, we had a situation in which people we thought were our friends had some pretty horrible things to say about the kiddo. It saddens me to think that I opened my home to them, invited them to Christmas dinner, welcomed them and all along they've been silently judging us.
I had reached out to them, because our children were friends and I didn't want the kids to be hurt by all of this and my offer to sit and discuss things was rebuffed. Then we were blasted on social media.
Ugh. Really?
The hurt you guys....yeah. I've been sitting on this for awhile now and it simply doesn't get any better. I had thought that I had found a fellow Mom to share things with. You know- marriage, Motherhood, life....boy was I wrong. Because at the first sign of a little bump, she takes off. Four plus years of friendship just down the drain. And I'm going to be honest here and say that I simply don't know what to do about that.
I was a good friend.
I hosted their entire family over at my house for many fun things like Trick or Treating, milkshakes on St. Patty's Day, fireworks on the 4th. I brought them dinner when she was hurt. We met for coffee and park dates. I had her kid over for sleepovers.
I thought I had done all the things that a good Mommy friend does. But I guess it simply wasn't enough.
In talking with the husband and trying to figure out what really happened, he had this to say to me-
"Babe, you can only ever be yourself. We are weird, we aren't normal and some people just can't handle it."
So I kept thinking on this situation. Had I accidentally done something wrong? Could I have done something better? Had they forgotten that I was a witness to this entire event in question? Why was my offer to discuss things never accepted? Why would they believe my child capable of doing this? Why would they then attack my character? What exactly did they expect us to do in this situation? Had I been a bad friend? Was there more going on here then what they were saying?
And then I simply said-
Screw It.
I did the best that I could. I was a good friend. My child is a good kid. My husband is a good man. If these people want to believe the worst of us, despite ALL the goodness we've shown them throughout the years- then there's nothing we say or do that could ever change that. People will believe what they want to believe.
But it still hurts.
What I've learned from this experience is this-
Not everyone is as good a friend to you as you are to them.
I'm not perfect. My family isn't perfect. But neither is yours. Perfection is not the goal here, friendship is.
We all deserve grace, understanding and forgiveness. At the end of the day, I was willing to extend it and made efforts to do so.
Motherhood is messy. Sometimes your children say or do things that just plain suck. Us Moms need to stick together.
How people behave says more about them then it will ever say about you.
Not everyone deserves a place in your life.
Sadly, this entire situation has just re-enforced for me why I don't have many women friends. Friendship is hard and while I'm willing to put in the work and effort, it seems that those I find are simply not willing to in return. While I do have a few great women friends (you know who you are ladies!), it seems that as the years progress, that number dwindles. I suppose that I'm OK with that- I would rather know who my true friends are then to play at pretend friendships. I don't do pretend very well.
My message to all of you reading this today and perhaps going through the same types of situations:
Find your people. Find the right friends who will accept you and love you just as you are. While they may not agree with everything you say or do- they don't have to. Judgement should NEVER be a part of a real friendship. And you guys- it might take years. Hang in there. Because when you find your people, the ones you can be completely yourself with, it's the most wonderful gift.
Be a good friend. Be quick to offer forgiveness, be quick to extend grace and understanding, be quick to apologize and hash shit out. Sometimes misunderstandings happen. Approach them head on and deal with them like grown ups. And for heaven sakes- if your friend asks you to sit down and talk about a hurtful situation- do it.
Teach your children how to be a real friend. This entire experience has taught the kiddo SO much. I'm not gonna lie- it's been very hard on him and a lesson that I had hoped would wait several more years. But he now knows what real friendship should look like. And it's not fake waves and plastic smiles at the baseball field.
Full disclosure here-
I am sure that I could be a better person and a better friend. There is always room for improvement. I have never claimed to be perfect or to have all the answers. I can only speak from my personal truths and the feelings I've navigated along the way. I also acknowledge that I am unapologetically myself. Right, wrong- I'm me. I don't make excuses for being me and for knowing who I am. I stand up for what believe in, I speak my truth, I sometimes offer my opinion too much- I get all this. I understand that I can be overwhelming at times and I'm working on that. I'm working on saying less and listening more.
However, I always come from a good place. It is never my intention to offend or upset anyone. This is just life you guys and you can only be the best version of you. In writing this post, my hope is that it can offer some healing to those of you currently going through betrayal in your friendships. Perhaps it can highlight for you how to be a better friend? But my true goal in writing this was to help myself heal. I've been deeply hurt and so disappointed and I want to learn from this situation all that I can. It is not my intention to further cause upset to this family that we had once considered friends or to any of the other ladies I mentioned previously. And so if they are reading this, here's my message to them.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. I had high hopes for our continued friendship and I'm truly sad to see its ended this way.
That's the best I can do you guys. I will continue to reach out and search for good people. I will move forward from this betrayal and take the the lessons with me. There are people in this world that are meant to be a part of your life. Some come as lessons and some come as gifts. And to those of you that are part of my people, I thank you all for being such wonderful friends. You're more then friends, you're my family.
So let's go there.
I have the worst luck in friendships with women. There, I said it. It all started in late elementary school when a friend of several years decided we shouldn't be friends anymore. Her crazy sisters came after me, threatening me, yelling at me and really- to this day I have NO CLUE why. We eventually repaired things and remained friends for years after that. But then I hit junior high school and my BFF since Kindergarten wrote me a devastating letter telling me that she had "new" friends now and we didn't need to be friends anymore. Years later, she wanted to come back into my life and I tried, really I did- but you guys, this kind of thing....well, it leaves a mark on you. Fast forward to high school and my other BFF decided I wasn't "cool" enough to hang out with her. I guess my church going, goody to shoes behavior wasn't the right one for the pot smoking, drinking and sex crowd. Oh well....and yes, years later she too wanted to come back into my life.
These things changed me. Forever.When people you thought were your friends, LIFELONG friends, turn on you- there's simply no going back. And so, it's left me guarded. I've found myself having a hard time making friends with other women, especially women my own age. However, I get along GREAT with the over 60 crowd mmkay...
Recently, we had a situation in which people we thought were our friends had some pretty horrible things to say about the kiddo. It saddens me to think that I opened my home to them, invited them to Christmas dinner, welcomed them and all along they've been silently judging us.
I had reached out to them, because our children were friends and I didn't want the kids to be hurt by all of this and my offer to sit and discuss things was rebuffed. Then we were blasted on social media.
Ugh. Really?
The hurt you guys....yeah. I've been sitting on this for awhile now and it simply doesn't get any better. I had thought that I had found a fellow Mom to share things with. You know- marriage, Motherhood, life....boy was I wrong. Because at the first sign of a little bump, she takes off. Four plus years of friendship just down the drain. And I'm going to be honest here and say that I simply don't know what to do about that.
I was a good friend.
I hosted their entire family over at my house for many fun things like Trick or Treating, milkshakes on St. Patty's Day, fireworks on the 4th. I brought them dinner when she was hurt. We met for coffee and park dates. I had her kid over for sleepovers.
I thought I had done all the things that a good Mommy friend does. But I guess it simply wasn't enough.
In talking with the husband and trying to figure out what really happened, he had this to say to me-
"Babe, you can only ever be yourself. We are weird, we aren't normal and some people just can't handle it."
So I kept thinking on this situation. Had I accidentally done something wrong? Could I have done something better? Had they forgotten that I was a witness to this entire event in question? Why was my offer to discuss things never accepted? Why would they believe my child capable of doing this? Why would they then attack my character? What exactly did they expect us to do in this situation? Had I been a bad friend? Was there more going on here then what they were saying?
And then I simply said-
Screw It.
I did the best that I could. I was a good friend. My child is a good kid. My husband is a good man. If these people want to believe the worst of us, despite ALL the goodness we've shown them throughout the years- then there's nothing we say or do that could ever change that. People will believe what they want to believe.
But it still hurts.
What I've learned from this experience is this-
Not everyone is as good a friend to you as you are to them.
I'm not perfect. My family isn't perfect. But neither is yours. Perfection is not the goal here, friendship is.
We all deserve grace, understanding and forgiveness. At the end of the day, I was willing to extend it and made efforts to do so.
Motherhood is messy. Sometimes your children say or do things that just plain suck. Us Moms need to stick together.
How people behave says more about them then it will ever say about you.
Not everyone deserves a place in your life.
Sadly, this entire situation has just re-enforced for me why I don't have many women friends. Friendship is hard and while I'm willing to put in the work and effort, it seems that those I find are simply not willing to in return. While I do have a few great women friends (you know who you are ladies!), it seems that as the years progress, that number dwindles. I suppose that I'm OK with that- I would rather know who my true friends are then to play at pretend friendships. I don't do pretend very well.
My message to all of you reading this today and perhaps going through the same types of situations:
Find your people. Find the right friends who will accept you and love you just as you are. While they may not agree with everything you say or do- they don't have to. Judgement should NEVER be a part of a real friendship. And you guys- it might take years. Hang in there. Because when you find your people, the ones you can be completely yourself with, it's the most wonderful gift.
Be a good friend. Be quick to offer forgiveness, be quick to extend grace and understanding, be quick to apologize and hash shit out. Sometimes misunderstandings happen. Approach them head on and deal with them like grown ups. And for heaven sakes- if your friend asks you to sit down and talk about a hurtful situation- do it.
Teach your children how to be a real friend. This entire experience has taught the kiddo SO much. I'm not gonna lie- it's been very hard on him and a lesson that I had hoped would wait several more years. But he now knows what real friendship should look like. And it's not fake waves and plastic smiles at the baseball field.
Full disclosure here-
I am sure that I could be a better person and a better friend. There is always room for improvement. I have never claimed to be perfect or to have all the answers. I can only speak from my personal truths and the feelings I've navigated along the way. I also acknowledge that I am unapologetically myself. Right, wrong- I'm me. I don't make excuses for being me and for knowing who I am. I stand up for what believe in, I speak my truth, I sometimes offer my opinion too much- I get all this. I understand that I can be overwhelming at times and I'm working on that. I'm working on saying less and listening more.
However, I always come from a good place. It is never my intention to offend or upset anyone. This is just life you guys and you can only be the best version of you. In writing this post, my hope is that it can offer some healing to those of you currently going through betrayal in your friendships. Perhaps it can highlight for you how to be a better friend? But my true goal in writing this was to help myself heal. I've been deeply hurt and so disappointed and I want to learn from this situation all that I can. It is not my intention to further cause upset to this family that we had once considered friends or to any of the other ladies I mentioned previously. And so if they are reading this, here's my message to them.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. I had high hopes for our continued friendship and I'm truly sad to see its ended this way.That's the best I can do you guys. I will continue to reach out and search for good people. I will move forward from this betrayal and take the the lessons with me. There are people in this world that are meant to be a part of your life. Some come as lessons and some come as gifts. And to those of you that are part of my people, I thank you all for being such wonderful friends. You're more then friends, you're my family.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Lessons Come Whether We Want Them To Or Not
Last Christmas, we almost lost my Grandpa. He was in a very serious car accident and the aftermaths of it have been very difficult. Sadly, he lost several of his beloved rescue dogs, one was left paralyzed and my Grandpa almost died. I'm pretty sure my family isn't quite over the devastation.
Life can change in an instant.
So a few months back, I suggested to my parents that we fly down to California to visit them for Thanksgiving. It had been a very long time since we'd spent a holiday with them and I haven't seen them since the accident.
For awhile there, it looked like we wouldn't be able to make the trip. Then suddenly it became a mini family reunion of sorts with all the aunts, uncles and cousins wanting to join in. Now- don't get me wrong, I love family but I just wanted to spend some quiet time with my Grandparents. I needed the quiet time with them. If 30+ people suddenly invaded, the quiet would most definitely not be happening. And then everyone (and by everyone, I mean all 30+ people) wanted to go during Christmas and not Thanksgiving.
I explained to my parents that we didn't travel during the Christmas holiday. Being home to celebrate is extremely important to us. To this day, we have never NOT been home for Christmas. I went on to say that everyone could do what worked best for them but that my little family would still be making the trip during Thanksgiving. The guilt trips were applied but I wasn't budging. Christmas with a young child is sacred and for us- it was important to be home.
And now we are going during Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, our trip will include some family members who have been extremely cruel and are very disrespectful of us and our lifestyle. Our trip will be 8 days long. We will be sharing a house, a bathroom, meals together and a trip to Disneyland. Unfortunately, due to work conflicts, the husband won't be able to join us until halfway through and I'm not gonna lie- I'm dreading being alone with people I do not like without my main support system.
I suppose that only time will tell.
And you all know that I'll be blogging the whole time!
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